Flipped
by HarryTwilightMaxRidefan
Summary: The Cullens and Blacks are best friends. Their children hang out. The couples date together. But, when Sarah tragically dies, Billy begins to hate the Cullens. 12 years later, Nessie and Jacob fall in love. But at what price? All-Human, Alternate Universe. Mild Swearing
1. Chapter 1 Butterflies and Mudpies

**Chapter 1**

**Butterflies and Mud Pies**

The sun rose early on that early June day, letting the rays of bright light fall into the light pink room, and over the butterfly bed, that held a little sleeping four-year old girl.

She tossed and turned in the bed, squinting her already closed eyes, as if it would make the bright sunlight go away. She gave up after ten minutes, realizing that the sun would not just go away at her wish. But, she got up with excitement. Today was the day she would meet someone new, someone her age. Her mother's friend's son, Jacob. Her mother had told her that Jacob was almost five, just like she was five in three months. She was excited to meet Jacob, and she hoped that he was excited to meet her.

As if on cue, her mother came into her room to wake her up.

"You're already up." Bella said, pretending to be surprised. "Are you excited about meeting Jacob today, Renesmee?"

Nessie smiled. "I can't wait!"

Bella laughed. "Good."

"Let's go now!" Renesmee said excitedly.

Bella laughed again. "Don't you want to get dressed and eat first? We don't have to be there for another hour."

"Oh." Renesmee got out of bed, and went to her drawers. She got out her favorite, good-luck panties, and her mother handed her a pink butterfly summer dress.

"Morning, sleeping beauties." Edward kissed his wife and daughter as they came into the kitchen.

"How are my lovely ladies this morning?"

"I get to see Jacob today." Renesmee said matter-of-factly, sitting straight in her chair.

"Is that right?" Edward smiled. "I had almost forgotten."

"No you didn't!" Nessie laughed. "You and Mommy were talking about it _all_ week!"

"Well, now that I think about it…" Edward smiled. "It seems as if I do remember."

Renesmee smiled, satisfied with her father's answer. Bella came over to the table with her daughter's favorite breakfast, eggs with Italian cheese, two kinds of salt, and pepper, as well as bacon and toast. She ate it up quickly, so she could leave faster. After her parents had finished their breakfast, Bella took her daughter into the bathroom so they could finish getting ready.

"How do you want me to do you hair today, princess?" Bella asked as she brushed through her daughter's long, golden-bronze flyaway hair that she had inherited from her father.

"French braid!" Her eyes lit up.

"French braid it is." Bella smiled.

She quickly braided her daughter's hair, until each strand was twisted and intertwined with the other, and then let Renesmee look.

"I love it!" Renesmee said with joy.

"You're welcome, baby." Bella kissed her daughter. "Now, go get your shoes so we can go, ok?"

"Yes!" Nessie ran out of the bathroom as quick as a whip. She found her black ballet flats, and headed out the door with her parents.

xXx

"Jacob, they'll be here in five minutes," Sarah walked through the halls of her house, until she found her son's room.

"You better start getting ready."

"I'm ready, Mommy!" the five year old boy came out of his room, a big grin on his face. He was proud of himself for getting dressed without any help.

His orange tee shirt was on backwards. His blue plaid cargo shorts were also on backwards. At least he was closer this time.

Sarah sighed, got down on a knee, and smiled at her son. "How about I help you get your clothes on right, and then we can go meet Daddy, Rachael, and Rebecca outside?"

"'Kay, Mommy." Jacob turned around, and his mother followed him into his room, to switch his clothes, so they were facing the right way.

After they were finished, they went out to the front porch, and sat outside, to wait for the Cullens.

"What's her name again, Daddy?" Jacob asked his father.

"Who's name?" Billy asked.

"The girl who's coming over."

"Her name is Renesmee." Billy smiled.

"Re...Re…"

"How about you just call her 'Nessie'?" Rebecca suggested, seeing her brother struggling to pronounce her name right.

"Ok."

About five minutes later, a 2006 silver C30 Volvo came up into the Black's driveway.

"Their here!" Jacob bounced up and down—excited to be meeting new people today.

Rachael and Rebecca, both 10, had already meet Renesmee. But, that was nearly five years ago, when she was just a newborn, so they were a little excited to be seeing her again, a little bit older.

"Sarah!" Bella said, climbing out of the car. "It's been too long."

"The last time I saw you, you looked like you were about too pop." Sarah smiled, and walked down the steps of her porch to give her friend a hug.

"The last time I saw you, you had a small little baby in your arms."

"Momma!" Jacob ran down the steps of the porch, and then hid behind her legs, just as Renesmee and Edward came up behind Bella. Renesmee did the same thing as Jacob, hiding behind Bella's legs.

"And is this baby I saw five years ago?" Bella knelt down, to get eye level with the little boy behind Sarah's legs.

"Hi, Jacob," Bella smiled. "I'm Bella. The last time I saw you, were _this_ big." Bella made a demonstration with her hands to show Jacob his size when he was a newborn.

That made him laugh. "Nuh-uh!"

"Yes way." Bella laughed a little.

"Bella's right," Sarah looked down at her son. "You were just a little baby the last time we saw each other."

"I was always this big!" Jacob puffed out his chest, making himself appear bigger.

Sarah laughed. "And you must be little Renesmee." She got knelt down to be eye level with the little girl. "The last time I saw you, were tiny, and your face was all red. You grew up to be such a pretty little girl, Nessie."

"Thank you." Renesmee swirled her dress, her cheeks red.

"So, how about we come inside, and we can all get to know each other again?" Sarah suggested, leading the small family into the house.

"So, Bella, Edward, do you still work in the ER at the hospital?" Billy asked, as the two families sat down around the table for lunch.

"Of course." Edward said. He worked at the new Swedish Medical Center in Seattle, as a trauma surgeon, his last year as a resident. Bella worked as a resident pediatric surgeon, in her last year as well.

"How old are you two now?" Edward asked Rachael and Rebecca.

"Ten." They answered in sync.

"What grade are you two in?"

"4th Grade."

"Wow." Renesmee was in awe of the big 4th graders. "I'm not even in Kindergarten yet!"

"How old are you, Nessie?" Rebecca asked.

"I'll be five in three months!" she said proudly.

"Are you going to Kindergarten in the fall, then?" Rachael asked.

"Yep!"

"Are you excited?" Sarah asked.

Renesmee nodded furiously.

"Jacob is starting Kindergarten this year as well," Billy said. "What school is she going too?"

"Seattle Country Day." Bella answered.

"Oh, that's too bad," Sarah said. "Jacob's going to Bryant Elementary."

"Well, maybe in high school," Edward said. "SCD is a K through eight school."

"Maybe." Sarah agreed.

"So, what do you guys do for work again?" Bella asked.

"Oncology at Seattle Children's." Sarah answered.

"Biology at Garfield High." Billy smiled.

"Oh, that's right," Edward said. "You're the one with the love of high school students and a passion for teaching."

Everyone laughed.

After lunch, they all went outside, the adults drinking a glass of wine on the porch, and the kids playing in the yard.

"Jacob, what are you doing?" Renesmee asked, walking up to Jacob, who was in a pile of mud patties.

"Makin' mud pies." Jacob said, looking up at Renesmee. "Call me Jake."

Renesmee smiled. "Can I help, Jake?"

"Well…I don't know. You have on a dress, and this gets really messy. And besides, you don't look like the type of person who likes mud pies."

"Oh yeah?" Renesmee picked up a handful of mud, and threw it in Jacob's face.

Jacob grinned, and grabbed a handful of mud, and threw it at Renesmee.

"So, can I make mud pies now?" Renesmee asked.

"Yes."

Renesmee sat in the mud, not caring that she was getting mud in her favorite dress. She enjoyed her time with Jacob a lot. Renesmee was glad that Jacob liked her, and she really liked his sisters. They were really nice.

The end of the day came faster than Renesmee and Jacob had expected. Pretty soon, Bella and Edward said their goodbyes to Sarah and Billy, and had Renesmee say her goodbyes to everyone.

The muddy four year old fell asleep on the ride home. Today had been a busy day for her.

But it had been a good day.


	2. Chapter 2 Unexpected

**Chapter Two**

**Unexpected**

"So, to use a pad - just peel the back label off, and stick it in the crotch of your underwear." Bella demonstrated how to use the pad to the 13-year old girl.

"And we've gone over how to use tampons." She sighed heavily, Bella remembered going through this herself.

It was the fist real day of the new Swedish Clinic. Dr. Mayer had been _so _excited for it to open - she had used the $8 million dollar check she received from one of her dead relatives to open up this Clinic—and so far no patients have even stepped foot in the clinic.

Well, except the single dad whose 13-year old had gotten her first period.

"Any questions?"

"If I had sex, like, before this whole period thing started, I couldn't be pregnant, could I? Because I did, and I thought he loved me, and now he won't look at me in school, or return my calls."

_This was not happening. _Bella thought. "Well…" She trailed off.

"And could you answer me, like, _before _my father gets here?" The girl eyed the window, where her father was talking to one of the nurses.

Too late. Her father walked into the room with a smile on his face, "Are we done?"

"Not exactly…" Bella said, wearily. "I would like to order a pregnancy test for your daughter." She bit her lip, waiting for the father to go off, thinking about how Charlie would react if that had been her in the situation, instead of the girl.

"_What?" _Her father erupted, his face was red - then purple. He looked furious.

"Dad, it's not what you think…" She argued, angrily looking at Bella.

"If you would just step outside…" Bella said, trying to get him out of the room.

She shut the door and looked at the girl. "Let's get you that test."

xXx

"The test came out negative." Bella told both the daughter and her father, who both sighed a sigh of relief. Bella wanted to sigh in relief too, but held it in.

"You are still in loads of trouble, Anna." Her father said, taking her up by the arm.

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen." Anna said bitterly as she let her father drag her out of the hospital. Bella weakly smiled at the girl - she was a doctor, she had done the right thing.

Right?

Bella ducked out of the clinic and went to the Peds ER, hopefully finding something better to do then standing around an empty clinic.

xXx

God, she was bored.

All her post-ops had been done, papers had been filled out, discharge papers signed and done. There were only ten kids in the Pit and they had minor things; like needing stitches. They were being attended to by the nurses and a few doctors - leaving Bella with a lot of free time, free time she did not want.

Edward was in a surgery, so there was no way they could meet in an on-call room until after the surgery.

What did it take for _one _little emergency to happen?

Then, finally - something happened.

Thank God.

Her pager went off and she sprinted to the trauma ambulance dispatch. She met her husband there, her attending, Dr. Robbins, Edward's attending, Dr. Hunt, along with a few other from the trauma team, a few of the cardiothoracic surgeons, and a few of Bella's pediatric co-workers. There they all stood in their yellow trauma gowns, waiting.

"There's more on the way," the EMT first said, after getting out of the ambulance, popping open the back.

"All part of a car accident." The second EMT said. "This one's a thirty-five year old male, nearly went through his windshield. Head is bleeding profusely; his left shoulder is shattered, bleeding from abdomen…" He rambled off his stats, as the man was wheeled out of the ambulance.

The man was covered in blood. His hair and head—still pumping blood from a spot near his crown—was caked in dried blood His neck was in a brace. The man was still conscious, screaming in pain. Dr. Hunt, Edward, and Dr. Altman and Dr. Yang went with him.

The next ambulance arrived minutes later.

"Seven-year-old female." The EMT stated, popping open the back. "When we arrived on the scene, she was nearly unconscious and not breathing very well. She has multiple lacerations on her chest and abdomen, and her left arm, and possibly her neck, are broken. Her BP is 70/40 and her pulse is thready." He continued rattling on her stats. She was unconscious, and blood seeped through her shirt, and into her silvery hair.

Poor thing.

"Cullen, Grey, Hale, Sinai," Dr. Robbins said, as she turned to head with the little girl into the hospital. "Wait here with Kepner, there's another kid on his way."

They nodded, and waited for the ambulance that held the little boy. There were a few more before him, each holding victims from the car accident, which one EMT told Bella, had been a three-car pileup. The men and women that came out of the ambulances so banged up and bloodied that they couldn't be recognized. The EMTs rattled off their stats, as each was taken out of the ambulance, and transported to the O.R. or to trauma.

Finally, the only doctors left standing were Bella's Peds coworkers—Dr. Annalise Grey, her sister in law, Dr. Alice Hale, Dr. Alex Sinai—and the Chief Resident, Dr. Anya Kepner.

"Five-year-old male," The EMT stated as soon as he hopped out of the driver's seat of the ambulance. "Unconscious at scene of accident, BP 70/45 and dropping. Pulse is thready. He has multiple lacerations across his chest, abdomen, legs, and arms, ranging from one half inch to three inches. He has a brain contusion located on his temporal lobe, and he may have level two internal bleeding in his liver and lungs. We started him up on 800 ml of Lorazepam, and 800 of HSD."

This little guy was in pretty bad shape.

The kid was covered in blood. He was conscious now, but his speech was slurred, and his eyes dull. He had a neck brace, to try to keep his head from moving. He wasn't very responsive, but Bella assumed it was because of the contusion and because Lorazepam has a strong sedative, usually used to treat seizures.

_Those eyes…_Bella thought, as they raced the stretcher into the Trauma room, to get a good look at the kid before sending him to the O.R.

While the other doctors were working furiously to get his bloody clothes off of the boy, so they could use the fast scan to assess any internal bleeding, and the rest of the damage, Bella tried to get his information.

"I'm going to need you to calm down for me, okay?" Bella sat at his head, placing her hands on his head, trying to get him to calm down.

"You are very hurt, but we're doctors, and we are going to fix you up, okay?" she explained. He instantly turned his face to hers, and looked at her.

"Can you tell me your name, honey?"

"I…wan…mom…" He struggled to say. Bella frowned.

"She's coming," Bella said, even though she didn't know where the hell she was.

"Mmmoomm…" He said again.

"I know, honey, I know." Bella said. "But right now, I need your name. What's your name?"

He shook his head. All of a sudden, he went still. The heart monitor was going erratic, and then came to a stop.

_Beeeeeeeeeeeep._

"Shit!" Annalise shouted. "Someone get a crash cart in here, stat!"

"He's not breathing." Bella said. "His lungs are too full of blood. I need to get started on a chest tube, and someone intubate him, STAT!"

Bella grabbed the scalpel on the incoming crash cart, and cut open his side. She cracked his ribs, and blood splattered and squirted from his lung cavity, spilling onto the floor. She hooked up the tube, and blood started draining from his lungs and into the tube.

Alice started on the intubation, opening his mouth and sliding the laryngoscope down his throat. She grabbed the breathing tube from the nurse, and skillfully slid it down his throat, and hooked it up to the breathing machine.

"His heart's still not going," Kepner said. "Get the defibrillator, charge to two hundred."

Nothing.

"Damnit." Kepner said under her breath. "Again!"

Again, nothing.

"Again!" Kepner shouted, determined to keep this kid alive

.

His heart started again, slowly at first, then getting closer to the safe range. The doctors sighed a sigh of relief.

"We need to get this kid to the O.R." Dr. Kepner said. "Cullen, I need you to locate this kid's mom."

_There goes my surgery_. Bella sighed. "Sure."

Kepner, Alice, and Grey ran the stretcher down the hall and into the elevator. Bella took off the bloody trauma gown and shoes, washed off, and headed off in search of a mother looking for her little boy.

_It would help if I knew the kid's name. _Bella thought angrily, after two hours of looking for the boy's mother.

"Bella," Edward ran down the hall and into his wife.

"Edward, have you seen a mother who's missing her five year old son?" Bella asked.

"I think you want to come with me." Edward mumbled sadly, looking defeated

"Do you know where the mother is?"

"Just…follow me." Edward whispered nervously.

Bella sighed, but followed her husband down the hall, and into the ICU. He led her to room 105, and stopped.

"Edward…" Bella said, haphazardly.

"Just…Bella, look through the window."

Bella looked at her husband with a confused expression etched upon her face, but did as her husband told her. As soon as she saw who was in the bed, she let out a gasp.

"It can't be…"

"She's pretty bad." Edward said quietly. "She went headfirst through the windshield, and suffered major neurological and head trauma. During her surgery, she went into cardiac arrest, twice. She's in a coma right now, and we don't think that she's going to live past tomorrow."

"No…" Bella shook her head, fighting the tears. "That can't be Sarah."

"I called Billy. He and the twins are on their way. Jacob was with Sarah."

"Jacob…" Bella said quietly. "Damnit!"

"Was he the boy whose mother you were looking for?" Edward asked, his eyes were dull with grief.

"He's in surgery…I told him that his mom was on her way…" Tears slid down Bella's face, as she slid her back down the wall, and sat on the floor. She closed her eyes.

"Where is she?" Billy came down the hall, in frantic search of his wife. "Where's Sarah?"

He stopped dead when he was in front of her room.

"No…" He shook his head, closing his eyes. "That isn't Sarah." Pain etched into his handsome face.

"Billy, I think that we should go somewhere more private, to discuss…" Edward said calmly, Billy cut him off bitterly

"No." Billy said, looking at his comatose wife through the window. "Fix her." He looked at Edward, his expression was hard; determined.

"You're a good doctor. You've saved lives. Save hers." Billy pleaded, running his hands nervously through his long hair.

"Billy, I can't…" Edward trailed off, regret showing evidently on his face.

"Save my wife!" Billy shouted, his hands were shaking before her balled them into a fist. Bella closed her eyes, trying to imagine the pain he must be going through.

It was probably the same - or maybe even more then the grief Bella felt. She was loosing her best friend.

"Bella, can you…?" Edward looked at Bella, he didn't even need to finish what he was saying before Bella stood up, wobbling a bit.

"Yeah." She nodded wearily

_Get Rebecca and Rachael and take them somewhere else._

Bella took the hands of the two girls and led them away from Billy and Edward, hoping they could get their mind off of this.

"Are you girls hungry?" She asked.

_Please say yes. _She begged silently as she took them to the cafeteria.

"Where's Mom?" Rebecca asked, as she took a seat in the plastic chair next to a table in the cafeteria.

"She's going to be okay, right?" Rachael asked quickly,

"And what about Jake?" Rebecca followed right after her sister's question.

"We don't know for sure…" Bella said cautiously.

"They're going to die?" They asked at the same time.

Definitely not something she wanted to answer.

"No…no…" Bella shook her head as she stuttered an answer. She twisted her ring nervously and played with her fingers as she looked at the ground.

"So…they'll be ok, right?" Rachel asked, she seemed to not believe the doctor.

"Your brother has internal bleeding in his liver and lungs, large cuts scattered across his body, and a brain contusion. Right now, he's in surgery, and we don't know if he'll suffer brain damage. We are focusing on stabilizing his body, so we can save his life." Bella explained slowly, hoping the young girls would understand.

"And Mom…?" Rebecca asked, her voice trailed off. Tears shinned in her eyes.

Bella sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. This was going to be tough.

"You're Mom is in a coma. She put her head through the windshield, and suffered major head and neurological damage."

"But…she's going to live, right? You're a doctor. You can save her, right?" Rebecca asked this time. Bella closed her eyes, a tear hit her leg.

"I work with kids," Bella started. "Not adults. From what I've heard, we're not sure if she will." She tried to stay calm and collected, like a doctor should be. She was finding it harder to do.

This was her best friend they were talking about!

"She's going to die, isn't she?" Rachel said blankly, Bella looked up to see her looking off into the distance, tears welling up and spilling down her cheek.

Bella just looked down at the table. That's all it took for the twins to burst out into a fit of sobs. Bella had tears streaming down her face as well, she was losing her best friend.

They were losing their mother.

And Billy was loosing his wife.

"Jake will be okay, right?" Rebecca asked, after a few minutes' silence.

"Like I said, we don't know if he'll suffer any brain damage, and after his surgery we need to do some CT scans to check on his bleeding, to make sure he's ok."

"But, he'll live?" Rachel followed suit with the questioning again. Bella watched as she picked at her dress and swung her feet that hovered right above the floor.

"He's in good hands." Bella said quietly.

Rebecca and Rachael nodded.

Bella's pager went off. It was from Edward. They were about to unplug Sarah.

"Would you girls like to see her?" Bella asked softly, "Too say goodbye?"

They nodded, and the three of them left, and headed back to the ICU.

xXx

"G - g - g - good - b - b - bye, M - m - mom." Rebecca said, trying to hold back her sobs. "I l - l - l - lo - love yo - you." Rebecca clung to her mother's cold, lifeless body, crying into her gown. Billy was behind her, rubbing her shoulders and silently crying as well.

Rachael didn't even go near her mother's bed. She sat in the corner, sulking.

Bella said her goodbye to her friend. Billy had already said his, and then left silently, moving like a ghost. Edward unplugged the machine Sarah was on.

Slowly, her heart rate and BP went down. Soon, there was no sound in the room but the tear-filled sobs of her daughters and friends.

"Time of death," Edward said quietly. "13:58, June 1, 2001."


	3. Chapter 3 Iris

**Chapter 3**

**Iris**

The funeral was held the week after Sarah died, the week prior to her funeral seemed to drag on forever. Jacob was still recovering from the accident, so Bella couldn't attend - they were doubling her shifts.

Instead of Bella dressing Renesmee for the sad occasion, Edward dressed up his daughter in one of her black dresses. It had a single white silk ribbon that was tied in a neat bow at her back. She had black tights and little black Mary Jane's - It made Edward frown at the sight of his daughter in all black. He dressed himself in a pair of charcoal slacks, a light grey dress shirt, a black tie, and a black sports coat. Soon they were all neat and ready - and reluctantly, Edward took his daughter to the Lake View Cemetery.

"Daddy?" Renesmee asked, looking up from a Disney Princess coloring book she was coloring in - she was currently coloring in Ariel, the mermaid.

"What is it, sweetie?" Edward turned the corner and glanced at his daughter through his rear view mirror.

"Where are we going?" She asked in a sigh as she continued to color.

Edward sighed heavily. "Do you remember three weeks ago - when we went to visit Mommy's friend, Sarah?" Edward inquired,

Renesmee looked up from her scribbles and stared at the back of her fathers head, "You mean when I got to meet Jake?"

Edward nodded, swallowing hard. "Something like that."

"So…where are we going?" She asked again, he could tell she was getting antsy.

"Remember when Mommy came home crying about a week ago?"

"_Edward, I just want to go home." Bella mumbled as she leaned against him. It had been a long day for her and Edward, and she wanted to go home and open up a bottle of Jack to wallow in her misery._

"_Alright love, just give me a moment please." Edward signed one last thing for Sarah's paperwork, and took his wife by the waist._

_After they had changed out of their bloody scrubs, and into some clean clothes, they headed home to their daughter. He knew what Renesmee would do - she would want a hug and a kiss from Bella. Edward watched as he trailed behind his wife into their home, he watched Renesmee jump out of his mothers arms._

"_Mommy!" Renesmee ran from where she was sitting with Esme, he knew what was coming next._

_She tried giving her mother a hug, but Bella walked past her daughter - not even giving her a hello. Edward frowned as he watched his wife disappear into the secret liquor closet she and Edward kept. He saw her close the door of the secret compartment and walk into the kitchen with a bottle of vodka. She went straight to the fridge and grabbed the carton of Orange Juice._

"_Mommy?" Renesmee whispered, confused why her mother had come home in such a state._

_Bella ignored Renesmee again, and headed into the bedroom she shared with Edward - to drown away her sorrow._

_Edward closed his eyes and sighed, they was nothing he could do to stop her - Bella was to damn stubborn._

"Yeah…" Renesmee trailed off, obviously remember the same memory he just had thought about.

"Well - she was sad that day because there was a really big car accident, and Sarah and Jacob were in the accident." Edward said slowly,

"Are they okay?"

"Well…not exactly." Edward took in a sigh. "Sarah died. That's why Mommy was so sad."

"What about Jake?" Renesmee questioned again, she had forgotten all about her coloring book now.

"Jacob will be okay in a couple weeks." Edward said with a plastered smile, hoping little Renesmee would not see past it.

"So…are we going to visit Jake in the hospital?" She asked, she sat up in her seat more and leaned towards her father - as if this would give her a much better question.

"No. We are going to Sarah's funeral." Edward said blankly,

"Oh." Renesmee nodded, and looked out the window - she knew her father did not want to speak further about this.

xXx

When Edward and Renesmee arrived at the Funeral - there were already over a hundred people - mostly Sarah's family — standing outside, waiting for the service to begin.

"Billy," Edward spotted him right off the bat. He placed Renesmee on his hip and walked over to the grieving husband. "How are you doing?" He asked, worry coated every inch of his voice.

Billy didn't so much as cast a glance at Edward. He just stared at the ground, like it would somehow bring Sarah back.

"Billy?" Edward shifted the weight of his daughter to his other hip.

No answer.

Edward sighed, and went over to where a couple of open seats were.

"What was wrong with Jake's, Dad - daddy?" Renesmee asked as she tugged on her fathers tie.

"He's very sad, dear." Edward said as she sat Renesmee in the seat next to him. She squirmed around for a few seconds before leaning onto her father.

"When will he be happy, daddy?" She inquired as she focused her doe chocolate brown eyes on Billy.

"I'm not sure, love - hopefully soon." Edward said with a sigh as he kissed the top of his little girls head.

The service began shortly after, the Pastor began talking about how Sarah was so young, and about the tragic accident - caused by a drunk driver. He talked about Sarah's life, and how she would be sorely missed by her family and friends. Some of her family members — sisters, and an older brother — came up and talked about some of their favorite memories they shared.

An hour or so later, the service concluded. There was a small social hour, before everyone left. Edward let Renesmee play with some other children, while he talked to some of her family members and some of her friends.

"So, were you her doctor, then?" Ashley, Sarah's youngest sister at the age of 18, asked.

Edward nodded. "I'm so sorry. We tried everything we could."

"Thanks." Ashley nodded. "I'll be fine…I like to think of it as God's way it's saying it's time for her to come back home, ya know?" She questioned out loud, not really being direct.

Edward nodded again, and smiled politely. Bella and himself weren't very religious, but it was all the same.

An hour later, everyone started leaving. Edward picked up his very messy four year old, and headed for their car.

"How in the world did you get so messy?" He asked his daughter with a light chuckle.

She giggled. "Cause Jackson pushed me in the ground, and so I pushed him back, and we were wrestling."

Edward smiled. "How is it that you can look like such an angel, but be such a tough little girl?" He put her in the car seat and buckled her up.

"Excuse me," A police officer came up by Edward. "Are you Edward Cullen?"

"Yes…" Edward said nervously. "Why?"

"I was told to give this to you." He handed Edward a manila envelope, and walked back to his squad car.

"What is it, Daddy?" Renesmee tried peeking at the contents of the folder, as her father opened it up.

_THE STATE OF WASHINGTON. _It read across the front.

_YOU ARE HEARBY CALLED IN FOR COURT FOR KING COUNTY. IN RE: WILLIAM BLACK, AKA JOHN DOE._

_PETITION FOR MEDICAL MALPRACTICE (WRONGFUL DEATH) ON (LATE) SARAH BLACK, AKA JANE DOE._

Edward's heart stopped beating. He stopped breathing. He was being _sued_? For medical malpractice on Sarah? Never would he do such a thing, especially on a friend. He and Dr. Hunt had tried everything to keep her from dying. She should have been pronounced brain dead on arrival, and she wasn't. He tried everything. _Everything! _Why was he being sued when they couldn't prevent the inevitable?

"Daddy…?" Renesmee asked her father, noticing that he wasn't moving.

"We're going to the hospital." Edward said. "I need to see Mommy."

xXx

"He _what_?" Bella asked, standing up - sending the chair against the wall. She slammed her hands on the desk in anger.

Edward had chosen to have this conversation in a conference room in the Pediatric Ward, so the conversation could be more private. Renesmee wasn't permitted to be part of the conversation, so she was in the waiting area with her aunt, Dr. Hale, while her parents were discussing the legal situation they were now in.

"He can't do this. How the hell can a lawyer, who knows exactly what happened to Sarah, tell Billy he can sue us for not being able to do anything to save her?" Bella yelled in anger, she was nearly fuming.

"I don't know." Edward said with a tired sigh. "But he can't win. We can do this. This won't get passed the hearing."

Bella pressed herself against her husband. "I hope you're right." She whispered as she lowered her head onto his shoulder.

It was silent for a few moments, none of them saying anything. After five minutes, however, Bella started talking again.

"How was it? The funeral, I mean." She stayed pressed against Edward, but looked up at his face.

"It was okay. No one was upset at me that she died, no one blamed me. They were really upset, but you know how it is."

"And Billy…?" Bella trailed off, searching for any answers in his deep green eyes.

"Didn't say a word to me, or anyone else. He didn't make any indication, verbally or physically, that he was suing us."

Bella nodded. She felt the hot sting of tears behind her eyes.

"Are you okay, love?"

Bella shook her head. She heaved a sob. "It's just so hard."

"I know, sweetheart." Edward held her closer, and stroked her hair soothingly. "I know."

After a few minutes, Bella took in a shaky breath, and looked up at Edward.

"We can do this." She said confidently.

"Yes we can." He reassured.

"Can I come in?" Alice knocked on the slightly open door.

Bella took a deep breath. "Of course, Ali."

Alice came in, and closed the door. "Ness is with Annalise."

Bella nodded and laid her head on Edwards shoulder again.

"Are you guys okay?" She sat down in one of the chairs around the table, motioning for Bella and Edward join her.

"Yes." Bella said as she took a seat. "No... I don't know." She cradled her head in her hands. "Sarah died…we're being sued…I just don't know anymore."

"What's up with Billy?" Alice asked her brother.

"I don't know either." Edward shook his head. "One moment, we were the best of friends, and now, Sarah's dead and we are being sued because we couldn't prevent her from becoming brain dead."

Alice nodded. "Well, if you need any help, anything at all. Jasper and I are willing to help at any time. And you know Mom and Dad will help."

Edward nodded. Alice was right — he could always ask their parents. Esme was a retired lawyer, who quit her practice after Edward and Alice's youngest brother, Emmett was born — when Edward and Alice were three. Carlisle, their father was always helpful. And Alice and Jasper were always there to help, as well as Emmett. They _could _get through this.

"Do you think she's willing to represent us?" Bella asked, looking at Edward and Alice. "If this were to actually make it to the hearing?"

"Esme?" Alice asked.

"Yeah." Bella nodded. "Wasn't she a defense attorney?"

Edward nodded. "She was, but she quit her practice when Emmett was born, twenty-five years ago."

"But we could ask her." Alice put in. "Just because she quit her practice doesn't mean that she can't represent you."

Bella nodded. "I'll call her when my shift is over."

"I doubt that we'll even need her, Bells, I mean…" Edward trailed off,

"I'm going to call her." Bella glared at Edward, making her statement finale.

"Okay, love." He backed off a little. "Fine."

Alice's pager went off, "Shit, my patient is coding." Alice gave an apologetic look to Edward and Bella, before racing out of the room and into her patients.

"Can you take Renesmee home?" Bella asked her husband as she played with his fingers in her lap. He smiled and nodded before giving his wife a kiss. He left Bella in the Ward to take Renesmee home, they've all had a long day.

Bella let out a sigh. Her day had been long, and it was going to be another four hours before she could go home.

Her pager went off. One of the nurses was paging her about Jacob, Again. He wasn't necessarily an emergency, but no one, not even the nurses had heart enough to tell a five year old that his mother had died, and he had been asking for her for days. She sighed again, and decided that today was the day he was going to find out where his mother really was.

xXx

Bella stood at the open door of his room. She rapped her knuckles on the door.

"Can I come in?" She smiled.

"No!" Jacob giggled. He had made a great recovery, considering the ordeal he had gone through a week previously.

After Jacob's surgery, the doctors had transported him to Peds ICU, and from there he did well. There weren't any signs of brain damage, although once daily he had a therapist come in, and work on his speech and motor skills, which were just little side affects he received from the contusion.

"Well, I guess I can't give you a sucker…" Bella pretended to walk away from his room.

"But, I want one!" Jacob called. "You can come in, if I can have a ss…sss…s - s - uk..er - r"

"I'm going to have Dr. Stark work on that with you tomorrow." Bella said, walking into the room.

"Can I have it now?" Jacob asked. '

"After I check up on your stitches and change your dressing." Bella said, moving the blanket and the hospital gown, so she could take a look at his abdomen.

"Looking good." Bella smiled. "Your stitches are healing nicely. You can have them out in two weeks." She quickly changed the dressing, and addressed the dressing on his head.

"Where's my Mommy?" Jacob asked, after he had gotten his sucker.

Bella took in a breath, and let out a sigh. "Well, Jake…" She trailed off, she most certainly did not want to do this to him.

She felt tears hot on the back of her eyes, but pressed on. "Your mommy isn't here."

"Where is she?"

"She…" Bella closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and continued.

"Jacob, your mom didn't survive the crash."

Jacob looked confused. "What does that mean?"

Bella couldn't take it. She went out of the room, closing the door behind her. She burst into tears.

"Dr. Cullen?" One of Bella's favorite Pediatric ER nurses, Katie Schramm, walked up to Bella.

"Are you okay?" She asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Bella shook her head. "No...I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"Jacob Black — the kid in here," Bella made a motion with her head, indicating the door behind her, "his mother is…was, my best friend. She didn't survive the accident, and he still doesn't know."

"You haven't told him yet?"

"I _can't _tell him." Bella took in a breath. "I tried to tell him, just now. It's already hard enough to tell a _parent _that their child died. I can't tell my best friend's son that his mother is dead."

"Do you want me to explain it to him?" Katie asked sympathetically.

Bella nodded. "Thanks, Katie."

Katie nodded, and Bella moved out of the way, so she could get into Jacob's room. Bella kept the door open, and stood outside the window.

"Jacob, your doctor asked me to tell you something, and I need you to stay very calm when I tell you this, okay?"

"Okay." Jacob said softly, his eyes were wide and alert.

Bella imagined Katie taking Jacob's hand as she told him.

"Jacob, your mom isn't going to come."

"Why?"

Katie took in a breath. "She didn't survive the crash, Jacob. Your mom is dead."

Bella covered her mouth, as she choked out a sob. She closed her eyes tight, and tried to block out the screaming coming from the room.

"No she isn't!" Jacob screamed. "Mommy isn't dead! She just is busy at work and she can't see me! She isn't dead!"

Bella could hear the heart monitor going erratic, as Jacob's heart raced.

_Shit. _Bella pulled on her best poker face, and raced into the room.

"We need to get him sedated, stat!" Bella said, pressing down on his shoulders to stop the thrashing.

"Katie, go get enough Lorazepam that will knock him out. He's too agitated."

Katie ran out to get the 800 ml of the Lorazepam Bella needed.

"I know, Jacob, I know." Bella soothed him, as he tried to push back her weight.

"I want my Mommy!" He screamed, tears spilling out.

"I want her too, baby." Bella said.

"Got it," Katie came in the room carrying the fluid bag full of Lorazepam. She started it through his IV, and soon Jacob drifted into sleep.

"He'll be up in a few hours." Katie said. Bella nodded.

"I'm sorry about Sarah, Dr. Cullen."

"Bella," Bella said, not taking her eyes off of Jacob. "Call me Bella."

"Bella," Katie nodded. "I'm sorry."

Bella just shook her head. Katie left the room.

"I do, too, Jacob. I want Sarah back, too." She whispered, before leaving the room.


	4. Chapter 4 The Lawsuit

**Chapter 4**

**The Lawsuit**

Esme Cullen went outside, and grabbed the mail that the mailman had kindly left on the doorstep of her home. Well, it was really her husband, Carlisle's house, but Esme was the one who made it into what it is today.

In the list of mail that came to the Cullen household were at least five different home décor magazines, to which Esme subscribed, as well as bills, a coupon book for Kohl's, and some ads for Comcast. Esme sifted through the mail, taking out her magazines and letters addressed to her. She left everything else in a little basket by the front door for Carlisle to get when he came home from the hospital. She then continued to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee, before settling down with her Better Homes and Gardens subscription.

She had begun to read an article on Baby Nurseries, because Emmett, along with his wife of a year, Rosalie, were expecting a baby girl in just four months, and Rosalie had asked her to help with the nursery.

Esme had barely begun the second paragraph, when the phone rang. She set the magazine down, careful to save the page she was on, before going on to answering it.

"Hello?" She answered, going back to her recliner in the living room to look at the nursery examples in her magazine.

"Hey, Esme," Bella's voice filled the other end. "It's Bella."

"Oh, hi, Bella." Esme greeted. "How are you guys doing? Oh, I just heard about Sarah. I'm so sorry to hear about her. How's her son holding up?"

"You mean Jacob?" Bella asked. "He took the news pretty hard. I couldn't tell him. So, when the nurse did, he had flipped out, and his heart was racing. Katie and I had to give him medication that would knock him out, so his heart rate would go back to normal." She explained, she sounded tired.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Esme said, sensing the hurt in her daughter in-law's voice.

Bella sighed. "It's okay. Thanks, anyway."

"Is that why you called?" Esme asked, she saw a cute baby girls nursery - it was pink and gold, two colors she knew Rosalie loved.

Bella instantly remembered why she was calling her mother in-law.

"No…no, there's a different reason. A legal one."

Esme shifted her focus to her daughter in-law she set the magazine on her lap. "What do you mean?"

"Billy was really…upset, when Edward told him that Sarah was brain dead and that there wasn't much we could do for her - except keep her on life support."

"Go on…" Esme nodded her head,

"Edward went to Sarah's funeral - when I couldn't, and when it was over, a cop had handed him service papers; saying that Billy was suing us for not preventing Sarah's brain damage, and her brain death." Bella's voice chocked at the end,

Esme's eyebrows knitted, "You can't sue someone for that." Esme said strongly. "You cannot prevent brain damage and death from happening, unless the surgeon was _purposely _sticking the scalpel into her brain. I know Marcus Hunt wouldn't _dare _doing that."

Bella chocked on a sob. "Well, whatever jacked-up lawyer he's got sure thinks so, because we're being sued."

Esme threw down her magazine and started looking for her shoes, as if she knew what Bella was going to say next.

"I'm on my way. I can be there in three hours."

"Coming all the way from Forks?" Bella sounded surprised,

"I'm taking the ferry, and praying that there won't be any traffic." Esme said,

"Thanks, Esme." Bella sighed. "For everything."

"You're welcome, dear." Esme replied, walking upstairs, to get a bag ready. "I'll set that lawyer straight. You and Edward don't have to worry about a thing."

She hung up the phone and set it down on its dock in her and Carlisle's room. She packed a few things — clothing, a suit for court, and _God forbid_ the hearing.

"Esme, I'm home." Carlisle called upstairs to his wife. He picked up the leftover mail for himself, and started flipping through it as Esme came downstairs with a bag.

"Where are you going?" Carlisle asked his wife, as she went into the kitchen to grab her keys.

"Bella and Edward are in a bit of a legal spat that shouldn't even be happening." Esme explained, as her husband poured himself a cup of coffee.

"What exactly is going on?"

"Their best friend just died. She and her youngest son were in a car accident, and she put her head through the windshield, causing major brain trauma, and eventually, brain death. Her husband signed the consent forms to unplug her, but he's suing Edward and Bella, because Edward and Dr. Hunt couldn't do anything to prevent the brain death." Esme explained quickly,

"What lawyer would sue a doctor for that?"

"A lawyer that's going to have a very upset client when I'm done with him." Esme said, giving her husband one last kiss.

"I'll be back in a few days. If it's going to be longer, I'll call."

xXx

"Grandma's here! Grandma's here!" Renesmee was jumping up and down with excitement, as she saw Esme's car drive into the Cullen's driveway through her bedroom window.

She jumped off of her bed, and ran down the hall, and down the stairs that lead to the front door. She ran outside, and into Esme's arms as she got out of her car.

"Grandma!" Renesmee squealed with joy, giving her grandmother a hug.

"Oh my, Nessie," Esme said, returning her granddaughter's hug. "You're getting so big!"

This made Renesmee giggle. Esme put Renesmee on the ground, and Renesmee lead her grandmother into the house.

"It's good to see you, Mom." Edward said when Esme came through the door. He gave his mother a hug.

"You three need to come to Forks more often." Esme returned her sons hug. "Your father and I are getting worried."

"Well, maybe when this is all over, I can get Alice and Jasper to come along with us - Emmett and Rose too. We can all spend a weekend together." Edward suggested with a smile,

"That sounds like a lovely idea, Edward." Esme smiled at her son,

"Thank you so much, Esme." Bella said, standing by her husband's side.

"It's no problem, dear." Esme smiled. "Now, just give me the name of that God-awful lawyer and we can get this all fixed…"

Edward handed her the papers the cop had given him only days before.

"Lionel Huntz?" Esme laughed a bit. "That's the lawyer who's representing Billy?"

Bella and Edward looked at Esme with a confused expression on their faces.

"He's probably the most unorganized, uneducated, worst lawyer I have ever heard of. No wonder why Billy's getting away with this."

"So, we won't even be going to court, then?" Bella asked, hopeful.

"Well, we still have pre-trial things we have to do, like the hearing, and if he actually remembers, there may be a small investigation. We have to go to court tomorrow morning, to meet the judge as well." Esme explained,

Bella and Edward nodded, and looked at each other. Bella still looked worried.

"We'll be fine, love." Edward whispered, letting his words soothe his wife. "Everything will be alright."

xXx

"Next case, please." Judge VanSteinvoorn sighed. It had been a long day, and she still had three more cases to get settled before the end of the day.

"Ah, yes." Lionel Huntz said, standing up. "That would be mine."

"Wait until the bailiff calls you, Huntz." VanSteinvoorn said. She didn't particularly like Huntz. He was unorganized, and most of the cases he brought in weren't legally cases. Like the time he let that man sue his neighbor because he had run over his cat.

"The Judge calls to the stand case number twenty-six, petition for medical malpractice. Black v. Cullen and Hunt of Swedish Medical center."

Billy and Huntz stood up, and filed their way to the stand. Esme, Edward, and Marcus followed behind.

"Before we begin, counselor," VanSteinvoorn sighed. "Please tell me that this time, you have brought to the attention of the court, an actual lawsuit?"

"Of course, Judge." Huntz brought up the papers, and handed them to VanSteinvoorn.

"And who is the defending counselor?"

"Esme Cullen." Esme spoke up.

The name clicked a memory for the judge. "I thought you had quit your practice, counselor, when your youngest son was born?" she asked.

"I did, but the defendant is my oldest son, your Honor."

VanSteinvoorn nodded, and looked at the sentencing papers.

"Huntz, I'm sorry to inform you, but this is not a case."

"What do you mean?" Huntz asked.

"It says here that Mr. Black is suing because Dr. Hunt and Dr. Cullen couldn't prevent the brain trauma that lead to his wife's death."

"Exactly." Huntz said. "Her death was untimely, and the doctors on her case were not doing everything fully possible to prevent brain damage."

"Objection!" Esme slammed her hand into the desk. "My son and his attending were doing everything to their disposal to save Sarah's life! You cannot prevent certain brain trauma of a car accident victim who put her head through the windshield!" Esme nearly yelled in Huntz's direction.

"Mr. Huntz," the judge sighed. "This is not an actual case. If Mrs. Black hadn't had any brain trauma prior to coming into surgery, or if there were liable proof that Dr. Hunt and Dr. Cullen had harmed her in anyway, then we would a liable case. Unfortunately, this is not. Therefore, we do not need to go on any further with this case." She slammed the gavel on her desk, making the ruling official.

Billy turned angrily towards Huntz. "You told me that I would win!" He shouted.

"Mr. Black, I didn't know that this wasn't a case…I'll…"

"No. You won't." Billy stepped closer to Huntz's face. "You're fired. I'm not paying you a single damn penny. You, are by far, the _worst _lawyer in this state!" Billy shrieked.

Billy walked across the room, and up to Edward.

"As for you," he said, "we are no longer friends. Keep your daughter away from my children. Do not call me. Do not visit me. I don't care what the judge said — in my eyes, you still killed Sarah." He sneered as he stormed out of the room, with a frantic Huntz behind him.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Cullen." Marcus Hunt said, shaking Esme's hand, changing the mood of the courtroom.

"It's no problem." Esme said. "I've actually missed doing this…" Esme trailed off,

"If there's anything you need," Dr Hunt said. "Just give me a call. Anything you need."

"That is very kind, Dr. Hunt." Esme said.

"Please, call me Marcus."

"Marcus, then." Esme nodded.

Marcus gave her a kiss on each check, and left the courtroom.

Bella ran from the gallery into Edward's arms. They kissed, and Esme looked away, putting her papers in her briefcase, letting her son and daughter in-law have their privacy.

"Esme, I cannot thank you _enough _for doing this." Bella gushed gratefully,

"It's fine, dear. No problem."

Bella gave her mother in-law a tight hug,

"Well, how about we go celebrate by going out tonight? With the whole family." Esme suggested,

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Mom." Edward said with a smile

The Cullen's left the courthouse building, avoiding the press that came for the big murder trial that was scheduled for later in the morning, and headed back to Edward and Bella's house, where Alice was waiting with Renesmee.

Esme was content with how things turned out, even if she already knew what the outcome was going to be. She truely missed doing this - and maybe, just maybe - she would start working again.


	5. Chapter 5 Falling in Love

**Chapter 5**

**Falling in Love**

_12 years later…_

xXx

"According to you, I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right. According to you, I'm difficult, hard to please, forever changing my mind…"

My alarm blared Orianthi, letting me know that yes, it was September 5th, and that yes, it was my last first day of high school.

I grudgingly sat up in bed and stretched out my arms, before getting out of bed and turning off my alarm. I grab my robe and slippers and head upstairs to grab some breakfast.

"Look at you," Dad said, as he put down his paper. "My daughter - a senior in high school. Pretty soon, you'll be out of the house and into college." He smiled sadly at me,

"Are you starting to feel old?" I ask, laughing a little.

"I don't know if I would say old…" Dad said with a crooked grin,

I rolled my eyes and poured myself a bowl of cereal.

"Are you excited?" Dad questioned as he looked from his newspaper to me.

"Of course I am." I smiled. "My last year of high school is finally here. I'm so glad to be finally be getting out."

Dad's pager went off. He grabbed it in a flash, and read what came on its tiny screen.

"Shit…"He swore under his breath, and then looked up at me. "Sorry, hon. there's been an emergency, and they need me."

"I understand. You need to go save lives." I gave Dad a kiss, and he ran out the door.

I finished eating my breakfast, and took a shower. After my shower, I went into my closet - I grabbed a pair of distressed denim cutoff shorts, and a turquoise asymmetrical top. I put on my Apt. 9 gladiator heels, and did my makeup.

I pulled my hair into a high bouffant ponytail, and added a white thick headband. I grabbed my white hobo bag, and headed out to my car.

oOoOoOo

"Cullen!" My best friend since kindergarten, Alex Dupree shouted through the window of her beat up Mustang convertible.

"Dupree!" I shouted back happily. I got out of my BMW convertible and gave her a hug.

"How was your summer?" Dupree asked as we walked into the school.

"Great. I love being a live-in nanny."

"Where did you go this summer?" She questioned as we waved to people we knew,

"Mason, Michigan." I opened up the door, and we walked inside the school.

"How old?"

"The oldest, Erich, is four. His sister, Tillie, is one." I said with a small smile,

"So cute!" Dupree squealed. "I love kids that age."

"They were the cutest." I smiled. "What classes did you get?"

"I got AP Spanish, AP Western Lit, Drama Advanced, Calculus, and Broadcast Video Production. I took the summer class for Culminating Challenge, so I have a free period sixth." Dupree said, reading over her schedule.

"What about you?"

"I have AP Spanish, Human Development, AP Western Lit, Calc, and Drama Advanced. Not in any specific order." I read over my schedule with a laugh, I only have four classes this year - the rest are all free periods.

"What lunch do you have?"

"Second." I said,

"Sweet! Me too!" Alex and I high-fived each other.

The bell rang, and we headed off to our first period class - Calculus.

I zoned out as our teacher, Mr. Brown, started talking about math and our homework for tonight. Alex and I started to pass notes.

**Cullen - God this class is so boring. The teacher is just droning on and on and on…I could fall asleep!**

_I know, right? I'm falling asleep as we speak!_

**Hey - I'm having a party tonight. Parents are out of town. I'm inviting ****everyone. ****Cute jocks much? Oh, and that new kid, the one coach transferred because he's like, amazing? He's our new quarterback. You'll like him!**

_Sounds like fun! What time?_

**Starts at 6. Ends around 11. Speaking of football players, did you make football cheer squad? I did!**

_Of course! We have practice tonight?_

**Tomorrow night. With the football players.**

_Winning! _I wrote down quickly with a smile, my smile soon faded when the sound of Mr. Browns voice interrupted me passing the note.

"No note passing in my class, ladies." Mr. Brown stated, looking down at Alex and I. "I'll let it slide this time, since it's the first day, but next time I catch you two ladies passing notes it's a Detention."

"Yes, Mr. Brown." Alex and I droned. I rolled my eyes, I heard Alex snicker.

Brown started at us for about three more seconds, before droning on about the class again.

The bell rang for the end of first. Thank the good Lord it did.

"What's your next class?" She asked as we picked up our bags,

"Human Development. Your next?"

"AP Western Lit. Third?" She asked again, we walked past Mr. Brown and both gave him a fake smile,

"Spanish." I said,

"Great," Alex smiled. "See you then."

oOoOoOo

The day went by pretty fast. Word spread about Alex's party, and soon, nearly half of Garfield High was coming to her party.

"See you tonight!" I said, giving Alex a hug by her car.

"Six sharp!" Alex said. "Don't be late, Cullen." She pointed a finger at me and narrowed her eyes for a few moments before breaking into a smile.

"Oh, I'll be late," I said with a smirk. "How else can I make my entrance?"

Alex laughed. "You really know how to do it, Cullen."

I smiled, flashing my pearly white teeth. "I really do."

We gave each other one last hug before we got into our cars, and went our separate ways.

"Hey…I'm home!" I called, trying to see if my parents were home from the hospital yet. Instead, I found my favorite aunt, Alice, and my youngest cousin, Adrianna - who was almost two.

"Bella and Edward got caught up at Swedish." Alice said. "I got off early, and decided to come a little early for dinner tonight." She explained as she shifted Adrianna's squirming body on her hip.

"Sounds cool." I smiled. "I'm leaving around seven for a party my friend's having, though." I walked up the steps, and took Adrianna from my aunt's arms.

"Ne-ne!" Adrianna squealed with delight, as she clapped her hands on my cheeks.

I laughed. "Nessie." I pronounced slowly, trying to get her to say my name right.

"Ne-ne!" She said happily.

Well, she is two. Can't expect her to pronounce a complicated name such as mine.

"How was your last first day of high school?" Alice asked as we made our way into the living room.

"Classes are okay. The calc teacher is boring."

"Who do you have?" She said as she narrowed her eyes,

"Didn't you go to Forks High?" I asked with a laugh,

"Just give me the name. I can tell you all about a teacher by the name. Trust me." She explained, I nodded my head.

"Brown."

Alice nodded. "Yep. That explains it."

"Explains what?" I asked again,

"Why he's boring. He's going to be hard on grading, and he's strict as a pole."

"That sounds like him." I said with a soft laugh.

Alice and I spent the rest of the afternoon talking about my school day, and her day at the hospital, as well as colleges I would like to attend after graduation. At five, my parents came home, as well as my uncle Jasper, Adrianna's three-year-old brothers Jaspen and Dante, and their ten year old sister Sapphira.

"Hey, Nessie." Jasper said, giving me a hug. "How was your first day of Senior Year?"

"It was fun. I have to leave dinner a little early, though, because I'm going to party."

"Alex?" Mom asked.

I nodded. "I'm leaving at seven."

"Just…be careful, okay?" Dad asked, giving me a hug.

"Of course, Daddy." I gave him a kiss. "I always am."

At 5:30, my (very pregnant) aunt Rose and uncle Emmett came, as well as my twelve year old cousin, Genesis, her eleven year old sister Genevieve, their nine year old brothers Hayden and Hyatt.

Dinner started five minutes after everyone came in. We all sat around the big dinning room table and talked about future schools that I want to attend, baby names for Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett's new baby, and how I like my classes so far. At six, I excused myself from the table, and started getting ready for the party.

I started by changing out of my school clothes, and into black Destructed super-skinny jeans, a forest green Animal branded bottom halter-top and grabbed my transit treasure pirate heels, as well as diamond studs for my nose piercing and for my cartilage, and my 'hooker-hoops' and my silver hammered necklace. I went into the bathroom to touch up my makeup and fix my hair. I took out the bouffant pony, and switched it for a Schoolgirl pony. I curled my hair, and then took a comb, brushing my long hair to my crown. I loosely tied it with a ponytail, and spritzed hairspray and glitter spray into my hair, finishing it off with a big diamond Luxe hair clip on the side of the ponytail.

I said goodbye to my family, and headed to Alex's house.

oOoOoOo

"Finally!" Alex said, opening the door. "I thought you'd never get here." She smiled, looking me up and down.

"Nice outfit." She said with a sly grin,

"Same for you." I giggled, walking through the door.

"Come with me. I have some people I want you to meet."

Alex took me by my hand, and led me through her crowded house. She led me into her living room, where most of the party was, and dropped me off in front of the giant flat screen TV, where most of the football jocks were playing my favorite game - Grand Theft Auto: China Town.

"Jacob!" She called over the loud, pounding music she was blasting. "Cullen's here!"

Jacob…why did that name seem so familiar?

"Jacob, Renesmee." She said, introducing us when Jacob put down his controller to see what Alex wanted.

"Nessie, this is that Black kid I was telling you about." She gave me a wink, and then left to do some more hostess-ing.

"So, you're the infamous new quarterback I've heard so much about." I flirted. I smiled, batting my eyelashes, as I shook his hand.

He was hot. You could see his six-pack through his red Apt. 9 v-neck, and his biceps burst out of his sleeves. He had deep brown eyes, and light brown skin. His smile showed off bright white teeth.

I think I was in love.

"And you're that sexy new cheerleader I've heard so much about." He smiled. My heart practically melted.

"Well, I've been a cheerleader at Garfield since freshman year, mostly basketball." I smiled.

"And I've been in football ever since I was little." He laughed.

Jacob and I hit it off pretty fast. We found out that we like the same things, like Grand Theft Auto, Halo, and reading. We loved the same TV shows, and we got each other's jokes. By the end of the night, we were in each other's arms.

"Your name seems so familiar to me," Jacob said, after we had found a quiet room upstairs to talk.

"Renesmee." He said, sounding out my name. I loved it when he said it. My name sounded amazing in his deep, Native American voice.

"What's your last name?" he asked.

"Cullen."

He shrugged. "Well, I don't know what it is."

He cupped my face in his hands, being very gentle. My heart suddenly went to full drive, and my breath became unsteady.

He was going to kiss me. Oh. My. God.

He leaned in, and stopped just before his lips touched mine. For a minute, we sat there like that, his face merely centimeters in front of mine, before he finally kissed me.

It was like thousands of fireworks going off at once, as he gently placed his lips on mine. This kiss was so hot, and so deep, that I didn't want to come up for air. I wanted us to stay just like this, just…kissing. He was a gentle kisser, not too pushy, but not too soft. I never want to come up for air. Best. First kiss. Ever.

After a minute or so, the kiss broke off. He pressed his forehead onto mine, our noses were touching.

I think I _am_ in love.


	6. Chapter 6 Forbidden Love

**Chapter Six**

**Forbidden Love**

**(Jacob Black POV)**

I just meet the most _amazing _girl. Her name is Renesmee Cullen.

She's five foot nine, has the longest legs, creamy pale skin, chocolate brown eyes, and curly golden bronze hair that goes down to her waist. Her smile is the best part about her. The second I looked into those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes, I knew she was the one for me.

I've known the woman for one night, and I'm already in love!

"Do you want a ride home?" I ask, as we walk hand in hand out of Alex Dupree's party.

She smiled. "Sure. Alex will drive my car to school tomorrow."

"Then how would you get to school?"

"I was thinking you could pick me up?" She asked in a small voice as she looked up at me.

"Sure." I gave her another kiss, and then led her to my Volkswagen Rabbit.

The drive to her house wasn't very long, maybe ten minutes? I led her to the front door, where I stopped and faced her. I took her hands in mine and smiled.

But I had this nagging strange feeling that someone was watching us, but I ignored the feeling. Instead, I took her face in my hands, and kissed her softly.

This kiss was more intense and more serious than any other kiss I've had. It wasn't out of pure lust; it was out of pure _love. _When our lips touched, it seemed that they would never part because we were passionately united forever.

I broke off the kiss. "Are you doing anything this weekend?" I asked, our faces still inches from each other.

She smiles and shakes her head "Nope."

Yes!

"You do now. I'll be here tomorrow morning at seven." I smiled and I caressed her cheek with the pad of my thumb,

"See you then." She whispered,

We kissed once more, and she went inside her house.

oOoOoOo

(Renesmee's POV)

I've known Jacob Black for maybe four hours, and I was already in love with him.

In love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it! I hummed as I danced in my room, jumping and tip toeing - spinning all around my room. A pillow clutched to my chest. I sighed and fell back onto my bed. I haven't stopped smiling in _hours_!

Hours!

After he dropped me off, he asked me out on a date!

Oh. My. God.

I have a boyfriend! Jacob's my boyfriend! Well...sort of. I guess going on a date counts as us dating...he still technically has to ask me to be his girlfriend - but still, he's practically my boyfriend.

Not that I haven't had boyfriends before to not know much about all this, I've had at least three in high school, but this time, it feels different.

I think he's the one - no wait, scratch that.

I know he's the one.

"Hmmm," I hummed in content and rolled over. My heart was till racing - I could still barely taste him on my lips.

A smile broke out on my face again, he kissed me! Three times!

THREE! I jumped off my bed and danced around again, humming my own song to dance along too. I feel like this is a fairy tale and soon some evil witch will come and tell me it's all a dream!

God, if that happened...I think I would just...I don't know what I would do, but it wouldn't be good.

"Oh, looks like you got yourself a hot one, Nessie." Alice said with a laugh.

I jumped and nearly screamed "Holy shit, Alice!"

I put a hand on my chest, and catch my breath, feeling my heart pounding. I turned around to see Alice leaning against my door frame with her arms crossed. A smirk was dancing across her face.

"Rose went into labor. I volunteered to stay here with your cousins, and wait for you to get home." She explained, knowing the questions I would ask.

"And you didn't think to call me?" I asked with a laugh. I sat on my bed and played with the comforter.

"I tried. But it's obvious now why you didn't pick up. You were frolicking like cupid just shot your ass with a arrow." Her eyebrows shot up in question.

I blushed madly, and changed the subject. "So, you decide to watch out the window while I was with a guy—and then scare the shit out of me?"

Alice nodded with a huge grin.

"You really are a crazy little pixie, aren't you?" I laughed and I stood up and set my pillow back down,

"What's his name?" Alice asked, as she walked over to me. She sat on my bed and watched me walk over to my desk to organize a few things.

"Jacob." I said quickly. "He's the new star quarterback." I turned around to face her. My hands held onto my desk chair behind me, I rocked back and forth on my heels while smiling.

"Jacob…" Alice sounded the name out. "What's his last name?"

"Black." I giggled,

Alice's happy face fell,

"What?" I asked, my voiced coated with concern.

"Your parents and his father aren't necessarily buddies." Alice started off,

"Well, of course not. I just met this guy." I said,

"No…that's not it."

"What do you mean?" I asked again. I pushed my self away from the chair and walked towards her.

"Twelve years ago, your parents and his parents were best friends." Alice started.

"So were you and Jacob. You two were inseparable. A few weeks after you and Jacob met each other, Jacob and his mother got into a really bad three-car pileup. Sarah didn't have her seat belt on, and she put her head through the windshield. Jacob was banged up pretty bad as well. They were both transported to Swedish. Edward was on Sarah's case, and he told me that she should have been brain dead on arrival, but he and Dr. Hunt fought to save her life. She went into surgery, and she went into cardiac arrest twice. Then she went into a coma, and was pronounced brain dead. They pulled the plug on her that night."

"What does that have to do with his dad hating us?" I questioned again,

"Billy sued for medical malpractice…wrongful death, to be more specific. Of course, he didn't win the case, because there was no case. He told Edward and Bella to stay away from him, and he cutoff contact. We haven't heard from that man in years."

"So, I have to break up with him?" I felt tears sting the back of my eyes.

"No." She said with a laugh. "Of course not. We just have to keep it a secret - like Romeo and Juliet. Only I better not find you two dead in each other's arms, you hear?"

I laughed. "Of course not."

oOoOoOo

I woke up the next morning to a practically empty house. Mom and Dad are still at the hospital, but I do have a new little cousin, Aimee. Alice is still here, even if she doesn't need to be. I do my usual morning routine; wake up, eat breakfast, shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, and do my makeup.

Jacob arrives at ten after seven - Alice beats me to the door seconds after he rand the doorbell.

"Good morning, Jacob." Alice says, smiling warmly. "I'm Nessie's aunt. Call me Alice." She grabbed his hand, and shook it warmly.

Jacob flashed his smile. "It's good to meet you, Alice."

"God, the last time I saw you…" Alice started.

"Okay, Alice," I said, running down the hall, and down the stairs to the door.

"We have to get going." I gave Alice a hug and a kiss, and headed out the door.

That was a close one.

"What was that about?" Jacob asked, a few minutes after driving away from the house. "When Alice said 'the last time I saw you…'"

"I'll explain later." I said, trying to avoid the conversation.

"No…you can explain now." Jacob persisted.

"Fine." I sigh, and run a hand through my hair. "Jacob, we've been best friends since we were five. Well, we were best friends when we were five. We haven't seen each other in twelve years. That's why our names were so familiar when we met last night."

"That makes sense. I don't see why you wanted to tell me later." Jacob laughed lightly, he found nothing weird about this? It was so ironic!

"I wasn't finished." I said. "We haven't seen each other in twelve years because your father _hates _my family…ever since your mom died." I said the last part quietly.

Five minutes goes by without a word.

"I remember now." He says quietly. "I remember being with her in the car that day. I had been mad at her for the _stupidest _reason on the planet." He slammed his fists into the steering wheel.

"I told her that I hated her. And then some car was driving wildly, and slammed into ours. I remember her screaming. And then there's nothing. Then there's a nurse, telling me that my mom died." A single tear slides down his face.

I feel tears stinging the back of my eyes. "Jacob, I didn't know…I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head. "No. It's not your fault."

It's quite for another two minutes, before he speaks again.

"My dad was so upset…He was mad at your dad, because he said that he killed her. He told my sisters and I to never talk to you or your family. He hates your family so much…but it should be me. I was the one that killed her. If it wasn't for that stupid," he slams his fist on the steering wheel, "_god-awful_," again, "_worthless movie_, and if I hadn't told her that I hated her, she would still be here."

"Jacob, it's not your fault!" Tears are pouring out of my eyes. I put my hands on his shoulders, and make him face me. I notice tears falling from his eyes too.

"It is not your fault." I repeat. "It is that God-awful drunk that killed her, and several others. Nothing is your fault." I cooed as I held his face gently, wiping tears off his cheeks. I noticed he pulled off the road to take a breather.

Jacob nods, and takes a shaky breath. "I just wish I had a chance to say good-bye…and to tell her I love her."

"She knows you love her, Jacob. Even if she's not here right now. Wherever she is, Jacob, she watches you. She knows that you love her." I reassured. "There's no doubt in my mind about that."

He grabbed me in a hug, it was slightly conflicting with our seat belts still being on, but it was still a hug - and I would take it.

I rubbed his back as he took deep breaths into my pony tail, "I'm sorry for being such a cry - " I pulled away from him,

"Don't you dare call yourself a cry baby, you're allowed to cry, Jacob! You lost your mother, it's okay to cry about that." I whispered. I unbuckled my seat belt and scooted towards him as I pulled hi face inches from mine. I locked our eyes.

"If I was in your situation, I wouldn't be crying - I'd be sobbing and screaming, hell - I'd roll into fetal position and cry until I passed out and couldn't cry anymore." I said with a small smile. "So don't be all 'I'm a big strong man, men don't cry'. Men do cry - real men cry." I said with a laugh.

He cracked a smile, "Thank you, Renesmee."

I rolled my eyes and hit his shoulder playfully. "Pah - lease. There's nothing to thank!" I smiled, "Oh and call me Nessie- Renesmee's a - "

"Mouthful, Yeah - I know. I was actually thinking about giving you a nickname...But I like Nessie. Nessie is good." He said with a grin,

I nodded my head, "Alright, we're sticking with Nessie."

Jacob started the car again, and we headed into the school parking lot.

"Shit…" Jacob said, looking at the time. "I'm sorry, Ness. I've made us late for school."

"Brown's gonna kill me." I closed my eyes, and leaned against the seat.

I smiled after a minute. "It was worth it, though." I looked at Jacob.

"Come on. Let's go before we get any more late." Jacob said with a toothy grin.

We walked hand in hand into the school building. Jacob dropped me off in front of my calc class, giving me a kiss before he left.

"Ms. Cullen," Mr. Brown said, as I slinked into the class. "You're late."

No shit I'm late.

I flashed my famous sweet-innocent-little girl smile. "I'm _so _sorry, Mr. Brown. My friend and I had some car trouble on the way here. I _promise _it won't happen again."

"Yes…well…" Mr. Brown trailed off. "Just…don't let it happen again. Get to your seat."

I can play teachers like the violin.

"Car trouble?" Alex whispered as I took my seat. "What really happened?"

"I'll tell you after class. Now isn't a good time. Too long of a story." I whisper back, as I take out the assignment form last night.

The rest of class goes by uneventful. The bell rings again, and Alex and I trail behind the rest of the class. I flash Brown a fake smile, and walk out of the classroom.

"Hey, beautiful." Jacob laces his hand into mine, and gives me a kiss.

Alex smiles slyly. "Car troubles my ass."

"I told you I would tell you later." I smirked

Alex rolled her eyes, "More like show." She pretended to gag. I hit her arm lightly,

"Shut up."

She started laughing. "Whatever," She smirked and we walked to our next class.


	7. Chapter 7 Keeping Secrets

**Chapter Seven**

**Keeping Secrets**

**AN: Thanks again, to my amazing beta reader, .Forever! She is amazing. I also would like to recommend her stories! She's an amazing author. **

(Renesmee's POV)

oOoOoOo

"C" _Clap — clap_ "A" _clap — clap_ "T!" All the cheerleaders shouted, as we practiced the most popular cheer.

"CATS! Let's go cats!" We do a few toe-touches, and herkies, making sure we had each down to a T — the first game of the year was just two days away.

Alana, the cheer captain, grabbed her megaphone. "Okay, girls!" She shouted,

"Let's practice the school cheer, and then get in formation!" She set down her megaphone, and then turned her back, and started the cheer.

"Who rocks the house?" We shouted, clapping as we jump side to side. "The Bearcats rock the house, and when the Bearcats rock the house, we party all — " _stomp left - clap _"Night—" _stomp right - clap _"Long!" _lean back._

"Who rocks the house? The freshman rock the house, and when the freshman rock the house, they party all night long!"

We repeated the cheer three more times — one for each class — doing a different move at the end each time. After we did the school cheer, we separated into our groups.

I got into the middle of my group, since I was the flyer, and put my feet into the hands of two bases. I was tossed into the air, and caught, before being lifted into the air again, gliding into the scorpion formation.

We practiced a few more, and we were done for the day. After practice, Alex and I went over to watch the rest of the football practice.

"Really, though. Why were you late to class?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow. "What were you and Jacob doing?"

"Talking." I untie my ponytail, and let my hair cascade down to my waist.

"About?" Alex persisted,

"His mother's death." I admit softly,

"You were late because you were talking about his mother's death?" Alex asked, sounding skeptical. "What really happened?" She asks again,

"That's what really happened." I say truthfully. "When we meet last night, our names sounded really familiar. My aunt was at my house, after he dropped me off, and she got his name out of me. Then, she told me that his father absolutely _hates _my parents…my dad especially, because Jacob and his mother were in a really bad three-car accident, and his mother didn't make it. My father and his attending tried everything they could to save her, but she had put her head through the windshield, and was brain dead. They pulled the plug on her that night."

"So, why does he hate you guys, then?" Alex inquired,

"Because he said that my father and Dr. Hunt could have saved Sarah, and they didn't. So, he sued for medical malpractice —wrongful death, on Sarah's behalf. He didn't win, of course, because he didn't have a legal case. After that, he cutoff contact with my family."

"And you two knew each other…?"

"My parents and his were best friends. Jacob and I were inseparable. It was after Sarah died that Billy began to hate us."

"And you were late, because you and Jacob were talking about this?"

"I told him why our names sounded so familiar. I said that we were best friends…until his mother died. Then he told me that he remembered his mother dying…that it was his fault, because he told her that he hated her, because he was five, and she had told him that he couldn't get a movie. We talked for a few minutes, and then went to school; to realize we were twenty minutes late."

"Hey, beautiful." Jacob ran from the field, to where Alex and I were standing.

I give Jake a chaste kiss. "Did you have a good practice?"

"As always. Did you girls?"

"Of course." Alex smiled. "You boys ready to kick some Beaver ass Friday?"

"Well," Jacob looked over at the field, where the rest of the team was packing up.

"As long as they have me, we'll be ready." Jacob gave us both a cocky smirk,

"So, what's up with you two?" Alex asked. "I mean, with your parents hating each other. Are we all just part of a modern day Romeo and Juliet?"

"Well, from what I heard from my aunt, my parents don't hate his father, it's his father hating my parents."

Alex's jaw nearly dropped to the ground, "Well that's weird, it's normally the other way around."

Jacob snorted, "Stereotypical much, aren't we?"

Alex narrowed her eyes, "Shut it, Black. I introduced you too, so don't say a peep."

I laughed lightly, she was really going to give him trouble - I could already sense it


	8. Chapter 8 Love Story

Chapter 8

Love Story

_(Renesmee's POV)_

oOoOoOo

"How was school, Ness?" Dad asked, as I walked in through the door.

"The usual…Brown being his usual self. Drama was fun…oh, and in about three weeks, we're doing that baby thing in human development, so I'll be bringing home a baby doll." I walked upstairs, and set down my bag.

"How was your day?" I called from the top of the stairs as I made my way back into the living room where he was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.

"Well, while an intern was walking up the street from a coffee stand, a man fell five stories, to land on a pigeon in front of the intern…and lived."

"He lived?" I asked in disbelief. "No way."

Dad nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. "The only thing he received from the fall was a shattered fibula, and a crushed pigeon embedded in his back. After two interns removed every piece of bird in his back, we took him into surgery, to set his bone. As we put him under, his heart stopped, and he died."

"After surviving a five story fall, he dies from the anesthesia?" I asked, shocked.

"Well, not exactly. He could have been in shock, or there could have been something in his MRI and CT scans that was missed in his heart, and he could have died from that. We won't know until the autopsy reports come back." He said with a bit of sadness

"Damn…" I shook my head. "That's terrible." I made my way into the kitchen.

"I know." Dad agreed with frown.

"Is mom still working?" I questioned, as I searched the fridge for a Coke.

"A liver transplant just came in for her patient, so she scheduled an immediate surgery for him. She won't be back until late."

I nodded, as I took a sip of my soda. "The first football game of the season is tonight. You still planning on going?"

Dad nodded. "I'm on call tonight, but there shouldn't be anything going on tonight that the residents can't handle."

"Well, I should get changed into my uniform…I'm meeting the rest of the cheerleaders at Cathouse before the game."

"I'll see you later, Nessie." Dad gave me a kiss, and I leave to change into my uniform.

After I changed into my uniform, I pulled my hair into a high ponytail with my crown teased to create a little bump to make my hair look thicker. I spritzed some sparkle hair spray into my hair, and tied in my black and orange bow, covering my ponytail holder. I grabbed my bag, and head out the door.

"Hey, Jake." I smiled, as his Rabbit pulled up in front of the house.

"Ready to go?" Jake asked. "Alex texted me and said that everyone else is already there."

"Of course." I smiled, as I got in the car.

Jake gave me a small chaste kiss after I got in the car. He drove us to Cathouse and parked next to the car's that belonged to one of the football team's players. He got out of the car and opened the door to my side before interlacing our hands.

We walked hand in hand into the small pizzeria, and to the booth where everyone else was already sitting.

"Hey, Cullen!" Alex greeted.

"Dupree." I smirked. Jake and I took our seats.

"So, you and Black, huh?" Alana asked. "I always thought you were more of the basketball type."

"Yep." I took a bite out of my slice of pizza, and Jake wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"So, you boys ready to kick Beaver ass tonight?" Alex asked.

"More than ready." Seth said with a grin.

"And, now that you boys have me, I think we'll do more than kick their ass." Jake said with a cocky grin.

I gave him a light punch. "Come on, Jake. Don't be so vain." I laughed and kissed his jaw.

"Yeah, Jake, you don't want to look like a stuck-up snob in front of your _girlfriend_." Quil joked

"Oh." Jake nodded. "You mean like how you act in front of _Alana_?" Jake retorted with a smock grin.

"Oh!" We all said with a laugh.

Quil's face turned a bright red. "Shut it, Black."

Jake just smiled, which, in turn, made everyone else laugh more. After dinner, we all drove to the school. The guys went to the locker rooms to get into their gear, and the rest of us headed to the field to practice a few cheers to warm up.

"So, Alana," Alex said, as we took a quick break. "You and Quil, huh?"

We start laughing, as Alana starts blushing.

"Come on, you guys." I said with a smile. "Be cool. Not all of us can snag the better players."

The laughing died down just as people started walking into the stands. We started up some basic cheers, and the game began.

At half time, we did a quick five-minute routine, and then the rest of the time was a break. I did a quick check to make sure Dad wasn't in the stands, and went over to Jake.

"You boys are doing great." I smiled as I skipped over to him. His coach shot me a look.

"Same goes to you girls." Jake smiled and poked my rips lightly.

"Nessie, he's coming back!" Alex said, running up to me.

"I have to go." I peck Jake on the lips, making sure that his coach wasn't watching either and go with Alex.

The second half of the game started. We start leading the student section in 'Who Rocks the House?' and a few other cheers. The final seconds came up, and we started the countdown. Jacob scored the final touchdown, having us win 52-20.

"Hey, Nessie." Dad said, walking up to the fence that separated the field and the bleachers.

"Hey, Daddy." I smiled. "Did you have fun?"

"Of course." Dad grinned, "Are you going home with Alex tonight?"

"Yeah. I won't be home until late. So, I'll see you tomorrow." I gave Dad a kiss, and he left.

I went over to Jacob wearing a beaming smile.

"You boys kicked some serious ass tonight." I said, as Jake wrapped me into a hug when I jumped into his arms.

"Are your parents here?" Jacob asked with a glint in his eyes,

"Dad just left…my Mom's still at Swedish…why?"

Jacob leaned in, and pressed his lips against mine. Softly at first, and then a little harder. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than rose petals brushing your skin. He tasted tentatively with his tongue; I smiled into the kiss and took it deeper.

After a few moments, Jake broke off the kiss. The football team was making wolf-whistles and clapping. I laughed a little, and buried my head in his chest and closed my eyes with a smile. Jacob kissed the top of my head.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too." I said softly, looking up at him under my lashes with a small smile. Those words have never felt so true before.


	9. Chapter 9 Be Mine

**Chapter 9**

**Be Mine**

"Party at my place!" Alex sang happily, as soon she got through the football crowd.

"Where else would it be?" Quil asked with a soft laugh, as we walked after her.

Alex stopped for a second, after grabbing her pom-poms. "Good point."

"Well, are we going, or what?" Alana asked, as Quil pulled her close.

"Of course!" Alex smiled.

We all went to the parking lot, and followed Alex to her house. Jacob and I were the last to her house.

"Tell me, why do you like being late to your best friend's parties?" Jacob asked, pulling his car into the driveway.

"I'm never late. I'm making an entrance." I explained, getting out of the car.

Jacob laughs, "And tonight, it's going to be an even bigger entrance." I say as I smile at him, placing a tender kiss on his cheek.

He grabbed my hand, interlocking our fingers, and walked into Alex's house. We found our way to her TV and gaming systems, and I found Call of Duty: World at War.

"Yes!" Jacob rubbed his hands together. "My favorite game."

"I have been able to kick every one's ass at this. Even my uncles, the very _kings _of Call of Duty can't beat me."

Jacob smile grew cocky. "Until you play me, that is."

"You are so on." I challenged,

Jacob put the disc in the Xbox, and we started the game. Soon, everyone stopped what they were doing, watching Jacob and I play. The football team cheering for Jake, and everyone cheering for me.

"Dammit, Black, are you going to let her _win_?" I heard Seth shout. "You are the _king _of this game! You can't let her beat you!"

"C'mon, Cullen!" Alex shouted. "Beat his ass!"

A few minutes later, the game was over. I beat Jacob by ten points.

"Yes!" I jumped up from the couch, and spun in a circle. "I beat your ass, Black!"

Jacob laughed, and stood up. "I may have to turn my crown over to you." He whispered in my ear.

"We would make a good team, though." I whispered back.

"Such a good offer…" Jacob kissed my neck. "I'll have to think about it."

"Oh, get a room you two!" Rebekah laughed.

I laughed, and Jacob gave me a kiss. "Maybe we should join the party?"

"Sounds like a good idea." I said with a grin that seemed to be permanently etched into my face.

"Hey, Dupree, turn the music back on!" Sam shouted across the room.

"You got it, Uley!" Alex said, hitting the play button on her iHome. _The Story_ started playing.

"May I have this dance?" Jacob asked.

"Of course." I smiled.

Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head in the crook of his neck.

"You still up for a date tomorrow night?" Jacob asked softly into my ear.

"Yeah. What do you want to do?" I mumbled against his skin,

"Well, that depends. What's your favorite kind of food?"

"Italian or Chinese." I said as I look up at him curiously,

"Thank you. I will pick you up at seven."

"My parent's will be home then. Is there somewhere else we can meet?" I bit my lip, I have to keep Jacob from my parents as long as I could.

"Why?" Jacob questioned. "I mean, it's my dad that hates you guys. It doesn't sound like your parents hate us."

"But, what if they do?" I asked. "Your dad sued mine…" I trailed off and broke eye contact from him.

"Fine…but you will have me meet your parents one day, Cullen." He said with a smile.

"You can text me when you are a block away…then I could walk to your car." I offer,

"Sounds good to me." Jacob said, giving me a kiss.

oOoOoOo

The next day, I tell my parents that Alex and I are going out that night.

"Where to?" Dad asked, sitting down at his piano.

"I don't know. She hasn't told me. She wanted it to be a surprise." I said, sitting down next to him

"What time are you leaving?" Mom asked from the kitchen, as Dad starts playing the first few notes to _New Moon (The Meadow)_. I play along with him.

"She said that she was going to pick me up at seven."

"Okay," Dad said with a smile, "just be safe. And don't be home after midnight."

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

We finished the song, and then started _Opening Scene_ from the _Sweeney Todd_ movie. After a few more pieces, I left Dad and started on some of my homework, and then leafed through my closet to find something to wear. When I couldn't find anything, I called Alice, knowing that she had the day off today.

"Hey, Nessie. What's up?" She asks, I hear a crinkling noise - assuming she's balancing her phone between her ear and shoulder.

"Hey, Alice, do you want to go shopping today?" I asked, even though I already knew her answer.

"Yes!" She said excitedly. "What for? I know homecoming isn't for another four weeks…is it for picture day?"

"Not exactly…" I said with a smile.

I could picture Alice's face lighting up. "You have a date tonight, don't you?"

"Yes." I say, biting back my grin.

Alice squealed. "I can be there in an hour."

"Thanks, Ali…" I said, before realizing she had hung up.

An hour later, Alice arrived at the door, with Sapphira, Genesis, and Genevieve.

"I thought they could use some new clothes, too." Alice said, as we headed to her car.

"And Rose had her hands full, so Hayden and Hyatt are at home with Adrianna, Jaspen, Dante, and Jasper."

"I don't care." I smiled. "I love going shopping with everyone."

"Hey, Nessie, can we help pick out your outfit for tonight?" Genesis asked, after we left for Northgate.

"Sure. I could always use help picking out the right outfit."

"So, what does he look like?" Sapphira questioned.

"What's his name?" Genevieve asked right after Sapphira.

"Does he play any sports?" Genesis piped into the question game, I chuckle and nod my head.

"Okay, guys, one at a time." I laughed. "First, his name is Jacob. He's tall, with russet skin, the deepest dark brown eyes I've ever seen, black hair that's in a layered cut, and the best smile. He has big muscles, too. He is the star quarterback on the football team."

"He sounds dreamy." Sapphira sighed, putting her head in her hands.

"Can we meet him?" Genesis asked.

"Yeah, can we?" Genevieve questioned after her.

"When you guys come to the homecoming game, you can."

"Thank you!" They smiled.

"You're welcome." I said with a laugh.

oOoOoOo

"Okay, girls, today we are going to shop at Romy, Forever 21, Express, Wet Seal, and Victoria's Secret for Nessie, myself, Rose, and Bella, then we can stop for lunch, then we can shop at Justice, and Nordstrom's for you guys." Alice said, as she parked in the parking garage.

"Sounds good to me." I said.

"Let's go!" Genesis squealed.

We walked into the mall, and started heading towards Express.

"Nessie, check this out!" Genevieve headed towards me, holding a pair of black super skinny jeans, and a purple v-neck sleeveless wrapped shirt.

"I love it!" I smiled, taking the top and jeans, and adding it to my small pile of clothes.

I went into the changing rooms, and modeled each outfit for my cousins and aunt. I decided to keep the outfit that Genevieve picked out, as well as one Alice picked out, and one that I had picked out. Then, we went to Forever 21, where I got a sweetheart striped dress, a pair of red high waist matelot jeans, and a black sheer lace turtleneck. We went to a few more stores, and then went to the mall's food court for lunch.

"Do you know what you're going to wear tonight?" Genesis asked, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"So far, I'm thinking the black super skinny jeans and purple wrapper I got from Express, or the red matelot jeans and the black sheer lace top. I'm not sure yet."

"You should wear the first outfit." Alice said. "Or, you can combine the skinny jeans with the lace top. But I would save the matelot jeans for a different day."

"Okay, Alice." I laughed.

"So, where to next?" Sapphira asked.

"Nordstrom's and Justice." Alice said. "Oh, and we should probably head to DSW to get some shoes."

"Let's go." Sapphira smiled.

oOoOoOo

At six, I start getting ready for the date. I go with what Alice said, and wear the black super skinny jeans with the black sheer lace top. I do my makeup, and then pull a section of hair that used to be my bangs to the right side of my face. I grasped about three inches of hair on the left side, and pinned it back with a silver Luxe hair clip. I spritzed hairspray in my hair, and then got a text from Jacob, letting me know that he was waiting for me near the neighborhood park that was about a block away. I grabbed my shoes, my black Gucci clutch, and headed out the door, after saying good-bye to my parents.

"Have fun!" Mom smiled. "Tell Alex hi, for us."

"Be safe." Dad said. "Be back before midnight."

"I will, Dad." I said, giving him a kiss.

I left the house, and headed towards the park.

"Hey, beautiful!" Jacob smiled warmly, wrapping his muscled arms around my shoulders. "You look amazing." He gives me a kiss,

"Thanks. My aunt took me shopping today." I smile. "So, what do we have planned for tonight?"

"It's a surprise." Jacob said, leading me to his car.

"I like surprises." I say with a small smile dancing on my glossed lips,

Jacob opened the passenger door for me, and I got in. He shut the door, and got in the driver's seat. On the way to the restaurant, we talked about things we wanted to do after we graduated, of all things. I learned that Jacob was really into cars, and he wanted to be a mechanic. I knew nothing about cars, so it was interesting to hear what he had to say about them.

"Here we are." Jacob said, after parking in a parking garage.

"Where are we eating at?"

"You'll see." Jacob said. He gets out of the car, comes around to my side, and then opens my door.

"Thank you." I said, getting out of the car and taking Jacob's hand.

"You're very welcome." Jacob whispers in my ear. I giggled and take his massive hand in mine.

We walk hand in hand out of the parking garage, and down the street, until we get to an Italian restaurant called Tulio's.

I gasped. "Jacob…"

He smiles. "I talked to Alice about restaurants that you wanted to go to, and this was the number one place she listed."

"How can you…?" I asked, trailing off. I was speechless.

"I have my ways. Ready to go in?"

I nodded, and Jacob and I walk into the restaurant. We were seated, and handed menus.

"So…if I remember correctly, you have two sisters, right?" I asked, once the waiter left.

"Yeah." Jacob nodded. "Rachael and Rebecca. Last I remember, Rachel was at some law school, and Rebecca…I don't know. The last time I spoke to her was when she left for University of Hawaii."

"I'm sorry."

Jacob shook his head. "It's fine."

"How about your dad?"

"Billy? He changed. I mean, he didn't become an alcoholic, or whatever, but…it's like all the life went out of him when Mom died. He never really moved on, I guess."

"It must have been hard." I said quietly.

"Yeah…" Jacob nodded. "He loved her with everything he had, and it's not like her death was expected. We had just gone to the store to get something for dinner, and the car came out of nowhere." He ran a hand through his hair, his voice becoming shaky.

"I can' t believe that we couldn't be friends over that." I say as I shake my head.

"I don't even know if Billy is still mad at your dad for her death, it's been so long."

"Mom and Dad never mentioned anything about Sarah or Billy for a long time…it's been years." I sigh and look at my plate. "I don't know for sure, though." I finish quietly

"Yeah. Maybe we should just wait it out." Jacob suggested, I look up to see a hopeful glint in his dark eyes.

The server comes with our meals, and then we finish our date off with ice cream from Baskin Robbins. Jacob parked his car in front of my house, and he walked me up to the front door.

"Tonight was really nice," I say softly, biting my lip and looking down at my feet. I finger my necklace slowly,

His fingers bring my chin up, forcing me gently to look at him. "It's going on my list," He says with a chuckle.

I smile, "It better."

He licks his lips, "You know what would make it even better?"

My breath catches, "What?" I ask in a breathy sigh.

He leans closer to me, "This." his lips meet mine softly, sending sparks through out my entire body. I wrap my arms around his neck and try to give him the best kiss I've ever given him. A few moments later, we pull away - both of us breathless.

"Definitely made it better," He said, a bit out of breath.

I giggle, "I'm glad I could make it better."

He grins at me, "Goodnight, Nessie."

"Night, Jake." I rub my lips together and watch him walk back to his car and leave. A huge grin falls onto my face as I go inside. I shut the door quietly and rest my back against it, sighing in happiness.

"Renesmee," Dad said, bringing me out of my oblivious state. "was that Jacob Black?"


	10. Chapter 10 Truth

**Chapter 10**

**Truth**

Previously in Flipped:

_"Tonight was really nice," I say softly, biting my lip and looking down at my feet. I finger my necklace slowly,_

_His fingers bring my chin up, forcing me gently to look at him. "It's going on my list," He says with a chuckle._

_I smile, "It better."_

_He licks his lips, "You know what would make it even better?"_

_My breath catches, "What?" I ask in a breathy sigh._

_He leans closer to me, "This." his lips meet mine softly, sending sparks through out my entire body. I wrap my arms around his neck and try to give him the best kiss I've ever given him. A few moments later, we pull away - both of us breathless._

_"Definitely made it better," He said, a bit out of breath._

_I giggle, "I'm glad I could make it better."_

_He grins at me, "Goodnight, Nessie."_

_"Night, Jake." I rub my lips together and watch him walk back to his car and leave. A huge grin falls onto my face as I go inside. I shut the door quietly and rest my back against it, sighing in happiness._

_"Renesmee," Dad said, bringing me out of my oblivious state, "was that Jacob Black?"_

oOoOoOo

"Renesmee," Dad says again, standing at the top of the stairs, crossing his arms. "Answer the question."

My head was swimming. I was caught in a lie. I had to tell the truth. Dad saw us.

"Yes…" I said, looking up at him. "I didn't go out with Alex tonight. I had a date with Jacob, and Alice told me about what happened twelve years ago, and so I wasn't sure how you would react, so we kept it a secret." I bit my lip and looked down at the plush carpet, hoping my father wouldn't be to upset.

"You mean when Sarah died, and his father sued myself and my attending?"

"And how Billy said that he never wanted to see us again." I add softly. "He doesn't know."

"I really wish you wouldn't do this, Renesmee." He said. "Renesmee, I'm not mad. At Billy or you. Billy and I…Sarah and your mother, we were best friends, and Sarah died. It was a tragedy. Billy was mad that she died, and took it out on her doctors, who happened to be Dr. Hunt and myself. I understand what he did, and why. I wish he hadn't, but he did. And I really wish that you would have come to us about Jacob, instead of going behind our backs, and lying."

"You're not mad?" I asked quietly, lifting my head at his words.

Dad shook his head, and smiled. "No. Just, next time, ask us, if your aunt tells you about some ex-friendship like mine and Billy's, okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, sure." I agree, a smile on my face.

"Also—have Jacob over for dinner. We haven't seen him in years."

oOoOoOo

By the time I woke up the next morning, Mom and Dad had left for their rounds. I did my usual morning routine, eat breakfast, and take a shower, etcetera, before calling Jacob about what my Dad had told me last night.

"Hey, beautiful." Jacob answered.

I smiled. "Hey, Jake." I said, biting my lower lip.

"Did you have fun last night?"

"I did…thanks for the date."

"You're welcome." he said with a chuckle,

"Hey…my dad caught us last night…on the porch." I started,

"What?" He asked urgently, the fear seeping into his tone.

"My dad saw us. When I came in the house after you left, he was standing at the top of the stairs, and then I told him the truth." I answered truthfully,

"Is he mad?" Jacob asked, his voice was quite.

"No…well, sort of. I don't really know. If anything, he's mad at me for not telling the truth."

"I told you they weren't mad at my family." Jacob laughed.

"Yeah…well, hey, he told me to invite you over for dinner…so, do you want to come over tonight? My parents are off." I asked, hoping he would accept.

"Sounds like a plan." Jake said. "What time do you want me over?"

"Um…how about six?" I suggested, playing with the hem of my shirt.

"I'll be there." I imagined Jacob smiling.

"Great. See you then." I hung up my phone, and fell across my bed in a huff. That had been easier than I thought.

After a few minutes, I got off of my bed, and decided to watch a few episodes of my favorite TV show. By the time I was starting my lunch, Mom and Dad came back from Swedish.

"Hey," I said, putting the noodles in the boiling water. "How's Jackson doing, Mom?"

"Great." Mom smiled. "He's recovering much faster than anyone expected."

Jackson was that kid with the liver transplant Mom had done a few days ago. I had visited him, and the other kids in the pediatric ward on Thursday, like I do every week for my volunteer work. He was by far my favorite kid; the one I would spend a little extra time with each Thursday. I was glad to hear that he was doing better; especially since the last time I saw him, he was at death's door.

I smiled. "That's great. Do you think he'll be up for a visit on Thursday?"

"I don't know." Mom said, walking into the kitchen. "I can let you know by Wednesday."

"Okay…"I turn off the stove heat, and add the small flavor packet to the water.

"So…I called Jake about dinner today. We were thinking about doing it tonight."

"Tonight?" Dad raised his eyebrow. "You want him to meet the family?"

"The _entire_ family?" Mom smiled. "You must really like Jacob."

"Yeah…" I smiled. "It's different with him."

"Well, it looks like we have a dinner to get ready for." Mom smiled walking over to me to help me prepare the food.

oOoOoOo

After I put tonight's dinner in the oven—my homemade lasagna—I went into my room to get an outfit put together. After twenty minutes, I decided on my black Ponte biker's dress. I added a thick black belt, and my black Gucci cage sandals. I went to my bathroom, and took a quick shower. After, I put some moose in my hair, and blow-dry it. I add a bunch of silver bangle bracelets, some earrings, a nose stud, and then I put a silver butterfly headband in my hair.

When I was done, my grandparents, Esme, Carlisle, and Charlie arrive.

Renee and Phil only came for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

"Oh my, look at you!" Esme smiled, giving me a hug. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks." I smiled, returning the hug with a blush.

"Who is he?" Esme asked, looking me in the eye.

"What?" I laughed awkwardly.

"Who is the boy you invited over for dinner?" Esme smiled.

I bite my lip, excitement bubbling up in my stomach "Jacob Black." I say finally, a smile beaming on my face.

"Black?" Esme asked. "Didn't his father tell you to stay away from his family?" Esme looked over at Dad.

"He doesn't know." I said.

Esme raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. I was greeted by my grandfathers, and then the rest of the family came in the house. I was surprised that Aunt Rose had come, since Aimee was only four days old. She was very cute, though. Aimee had Rose's blonde hair, and my father's green eyes. She was so tiny!

Everyone flocked into the living room, and I joined them. I spent the rest of the time holding Aimee. We sat around and talked, Rose and Alice drilling me questions about Jacob.

At six, the doorbell rang. Dad beat me to the door.

"Hi, Dr. Cullen." Jacob said nervously, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Jacob." Dad nodded. "It's good to see you after twelve years. You have grown up into a fine young man."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen." Jacob said, just as nervous.

"Come in. Renesmee's waiting." Dad moved out of Jake's way, and he walked into the house.

"Jacob." Mom smiled warmly. "It's good to see you. How have you been?"

"Good, Mrs. Cullen."

"How's that head of yours?"

"Much better." Jacob smiled for the first time since coming into the house.

"Well, dinner's done." I said, after handing Aimee to Uncle Emmett. "Whose hungry?"

Uncle Emmett set Aimee down the in the old playpen, and everyone settles at the table. Jacob helped me set everything on the table—salad, homemade garlic bread, and Parmesan cheese—and I brought out the lasagna.

Genesis, Genevieve, and Sapphira were in _love _with Jacob. It was really cute how they tried to impress him.

Jacob would never be rude; he would always smile and be nice. He made sure to never hurt their feelings, and I was touched that he wasn't upset about them. Jacob was turning out to be better than I thought, and to say that I was possibly falling for him was completely true. There was no 'possibly'.

It was definitely.


	11. Chapter 11 Carnage Can Kill

Chapter 11

Carnage Can Kill

Life was easier knowing that I didn't have to keep Jacob and I a secret from my family. Jacob started coming over nearly every day now, and it was starting to get obvious to my parents that this relationship was deeper than any of the others I've had. They agree that he _was_the one for me.

We still kept it from Billy…we didn't know if he was still holding a grudge over Sarah's death. Eventually, Jacob and I would have to tell him. We can't keep this a secret forever.

oOoOoOo

"So, Homecoming's coming up." Jacob said nonchalantly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we walked down the hall to my next class.

"I know." I smiled, knowing what he was going to ask.

"And I was thinking…we could go together."

"Of course I'll go with you." I smiled. "But that does mean another dinner with my family before the dance."

"I would love that." Jacob smiled, and kissed me.

"Hey, knock it off!" Alex said, coming from behind us.

"Hey, what's up, short stuff?" Jacob laughed, pulling her into a 'bro-hug'.

"I am not short." Alex huffed, "I am simply tall impaired."

"Sure you are." Jacob laughed, as we walked down the hall. "And I'm baseball impaired."

"You can't play baseball?" She asked.

"No, I can. I played from the time I was two, to when I was five. My dad pulled me out after Mom died…but I never really liked the sport anyway."

"I'm sorry about your mom." Alex murmured,

"It's fine." Jacob shook his head, dismissing her.

"Well…there's my class. I should probably get going." Alex gave me a hug, and left.

"Are you okay?" I questioned Jacob, my brows knitted in worry.

"Yeah. I'm cool." Jacob said immediately.

I grew skeptical and gave him a hard look, "You're sure?"

"Yes." Jacob kissed me. "I'm fine."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yes." Jacob insisted. "You're going to be late to class."

"I'm watching you, Black." I smiled, pointing my finger at him.

He kissed me, and I went into my AP Western Lit class.

oOoOoOo

Jacob came home with me after school, so we could study for some tests we had coming up. After getting some chips, we started on our Western Lit assignments.

"Seriously, this guy is worse than Brown." I said, turning the page in my book.

"How can he be worse than Brown?"

"Brown's just strict, and really hard on grading, but Orr's unorganized, and his grading is stupid! He grades on a four-point scale, one being an F, two being a D, three is a C, and four is an A. Just the other day, he had us do this project that just had to have a certain kind of bag, and if you didn't have it, you instantly got a grade knocked down, resulting in a C."

"I see what you mean." Jacob nodded.

"Exactly."

"And you didn't switch out?" He questioned,

"I don't switch out of classes. I deal with the teacher…besides, they all love me."

"Who wouldn't?" Jacob laughed.

He put down his book, and leaned in to kiss me. I fell back in surprise, and closed my eyes, taking in the kiss, letting the static flow through my body.

"Renesmee…" I heard Dad call. I instantly pushed Jacob off of me, and fixed my hair, as Dad walked up the stairs.

"Hey, Dad." I smiled.

"Dr. Cullen." Jacob nodded.

"My patients call me that." Dad smiled. "Please, call me Edward."

"Yes, sir." Jacob nodded.

"How was school?" Dad asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Relatively normal." I shrugged. "How was the Trauma department?"

"There was a train accident today. There was a lot of carnage. Not a whole lot of survivors." Dad started, sitting down on at the table. "And there were two people who were impaled. The pole went through the both of them, going straight through the woman's spine and aorta, and going in-line with the man's inferior vena cava."

"And they were still alive?"

"They were making small talk the whole time, up until the surgery." He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.

"So, what did you do?" Jacob asked.

"There wasn't a way to operate on them without moving the pole…if we moved the pole, they'd both bleed out. Dr. Altman suggested the only option we could do—we operate without moving the pole, moving one person slowly off of the pole, and operate on the other person, slowly moving the pole out as we operate on the damage."

"So, basically, whoever you move doesn't stand a chance." Jacob said.

"How do you choose? How do you choose who gets to live?" I asked.

"Basically, it was a flip of a coin. But, with her aortic injuries, she would have slim chance of survival either way. But, since her injuries were so extensive, if we moved him, we could have given her the best chance at survival. In the end, we moved her. Before we put them under…she asked me if I believed in Heaven. I told her that I did, and then I asked her. She said that she wanted to, but she wasn't sure. Then, we pulled her off the pole. There was nothing we could do. He made it, and I had to tell her fiancée that she died. It was single-handedly the worst day of my life."

"Wow…" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"Thanks, sweetie." Dad smiled a little.

"Well, Jake and I are going to go study in my room." I gave Dad a hug, and left him, knowing he needed to be alone right now. Whenever he came home from a day like this, it was best to just leave him alone.

Jacob and I finished studying for the Calculus test, and then he went home, before Billy got to suspicious of anything. Mom came home in the same tired-mess Dad came home in, so I went over to Alex's house for the rest of the night.

"Cullen!" Alex said happily, as she opened the door. She gave me a hug, and then looked me in they eye.

"Parents have a bad day at work?"

"Train wreck, Dad had to choose which person got to live in an impalement. A lot of carnage on the Pediatric side."

"I just saw that on the news today. I can't believe what happened."

"I know." I said, walking into the house. "Hi, Kathy." I wave at Alex's mom.

"Tell your parents I'm sorry about what happened." Kathy said, giving me a hug.

"I will." I confirmed,

"We have some pizza left over from dinner. Help yourself."

"Thanks, Kathy." I smiled.

Alex and I went into the kitchen, and got some leftover dinner. We finished off our night by watching re-runs of our favorite TV show. I ended up staying the night with Alex, hoping it would ease my parents a bit.


	12. Chapter 12 Homecoming

**Chapter 12**

**Homecoming**

"Well…what about this one?" Alice asked, holding up a pink floor length dress.

Alice had whisked me away to David's Bridal that weekend, because Homecoming was only three weeks away, and 'if we want the best pick, we have to go now!' as Alice explained the car ride to Lynwood. So, here we are, three hours and twenty dresses later, I still haven't found the one. I've tried a few ones I liked, a floor length dress that had a few different shades of purple, a black feathered floor length, and a black and white cocktail length, but I didn't like them as much on my body as I did on the rack.

I shook my head, and went into the bridesmaids section to look. After a few minutes, I found a cocktail length red dress that had a black empire bust with beading, in a pick-up style. It was absolutely stunning.

"This is the one!" Alice said excitedly, bouncing towards me. She picked the dress off the rack, and handed it to me.

I just smiled and rolled my eyes, laughing a little bit. Alice could be a bit eccentric about fashion, sometimes. But she was my aunt…and I loved her. I followed her to the dressing room, and she waited outside while I got into the dress. Before going out to show her, I take a look at myself in the mirror.

"Incredible." I whisper, taking my reflection in. I smiled, and walked out of the room and in front of the three-mirror wall where Alice was sitting.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen," Alice started, walking towards me. "If you do not get this dress, I will literally _kill_you." She smiled.

"Gee, thanks." I laughed. "I feel so loved."

"I'm serious!" Alice exclaimed.

"Yeah, and I'm Severus." I rolled my eyes.

Alice lightly punched my shoulder, as we both laughed. After a few minutes, we sober up, and I take another look in the mirror.

"Seriously, though, this is your dress." Alice smiled. "It's perfect on you."

"Definitely." I smiled.

This was going to be the best Homecoming yet.

xXx

"So, what are the plans for this week?" Jacob asked, taking off his helmet after practice Monday.

"Well…the family dinner is just my parents, and that's tomorrow night, at six…and then Alex and I were thinking about having the limo take us to Dick's, and we could go from there."

"Dick's?" Jacob raised his eyebrows.

"It's just Homecoming. We'll go somewhere nice for Prom." I brushed some hair out of my eyes. "And they have the best hamburgers."

"Sounds great." Jacob agreed, smiling.

"Oh, and before I forget, Alice and Rose want to take us to Queen Anne's Kerry Park for pictures…or possibly somewhere in Seattle Center. They haven't decided."

"Okay…so dinner tomorrow night at six, pictures at either Kerry Park or Seattle Center at five, where the limo will pick us up and take us to Dick's around six, and then the dance at seven?" He repeats in a question,

"Sounds good." I smiled. I gave Jake a kiss, and then headed home.

xXx

After school the next day, I rushed to get in the shower, and changed before dinner. After the shower, I laid out five different outfits, trying to pick one to wear. I finally decided on my red matelot jeans, and a black long-sleeved turtleneck. I quickly pulled my hair into a messy side bun on the left side of my face, and fixed my makeup. Just as I was finishing, Jacob knocked on the door.

"Hello, Jacob." Mom said, holding the door open. "How are you?"

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen," Jacob said a little nervously. "I'm doing good…getting ready for the big game."

"That's great." Mom said. "Are you boys ready to take on Everett?"

"We have this game in the bag." Jacob said, very confident.

"Good." I could hear the smile in Mom's voice. "Come on in, Jacob. Renesmee will be ready in a few minutes."

I came out of the bathroom as Mom and Jake were heading into the living room.

"Hey," I smiled, walking towards Jake and Mom.

"You look beautiful," Jacob smiled, giving me a kiss.

My cheeks flushed red. "Jake, not in front of my parents…"

"It's okay," Mom said. "I didn't see a thing." Mom smirks before laughing lightly.

"Not helping." I smiled.

"Well, dinner's just about ready," Dad called from the kitchen. "How about we all head in the dining room?"

We all sat around the table, and Dad brought out the food—his 'famous' tater-tot casserole.

Conversation began after everyone got their food.

"So, Jacob." My father started. "You're intentions have been pure so far, am I correct?"

I drop my fork, horrified and stare at Jacob who nearly jokes on the food he is trying to swallow.

He swallows hard and meets my stare from across the table. "Of course, sir. I wouldn't . . . "

"That's what I want to hear." My father said calmly, staring at Jacob as he sticks some casserole in his mouth in a scary way.

To say the rest of dinner was a bit awkward was an understatement.

xXx

Saturday finally came. The minute after I had woken up, Alice and Rose were at the door.

"You two do realize that it's just Homecoming, and not Prom, right?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Yes, but it's nice to have a nice spa day. Now, hurry up and get dressed in something comfy so we can get our nails done."Alice said.

"You two…" I shook my head and laughed a little. "Come in. I'll be like five minutes."

I left my aunts in the living room, and headed into my room. I grabbed a pair of yoga pants I had gotten from Aeropostal and an Aero t-shirt. I brushed the snarls out of my hair, and grabbed some flip-flops as I headed out the door.

We went to Blue Ocean to get nails done, and a little bit of waxing. For my nails, I had gotten a really pale silver-violet color for the base, and added a black crackle over top. I had also gotten my eyebrows shaped a little bit. After lunch, Alice and Rose took me to a hair salon to get my hair done. Tori, my favorite hair stylist there, did a quick French twist, putting a small jewel encrusted hair piece near my left ear. Alice and Rose then took me home for my makeup. They were just finishing up as Jacob, Alex, and Alex's boyfriend, Garrett, arrived at the door with the limo.

"Have fun!" Mom, Alice, and Rose said, as I finished buckling the strap of my stilettos.

"I will." I smiled, giving them each a hug, and grabbing my black Prada clutch.

I walked up to Dad, who was sitting on the couch. I sat down next to him, and gave him a hug.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear.

"I love you, too." He said, giving me a kiss. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks." I said, giving him another kiss. "Daddy, love you more." I whispered, before getting up and heading out the door.

I headed out to the limo, where everyone was waiting.

"Oh, My. God." Alex said, as I sat in the car next to Jacob. "You look amazing."

Alex was wearing a floor length black and red dress that had a halter v-neck, and virtually no back, but covered her butt. It was a style only Alex herself could really pull off.

"You look awesome." I said. "I absolutely love your dress."

"Yours is better." She said.

"Girls, girls," Jacob said, putting his arm around my shoulders. "You both look wonderful. I say we go eat now."

Alex and I laughed, as the limo started going down our driveway. We stopped at Kerry Park, where Alice and Rose were already waiting.

"Took you four long enough." Alice said. "Come on, we only have half an hour for your pictures."

She pulled us towards the spot where she wanted our pictures done, and she and Rose did a few group shots, couple shots, and so on. It took nearly an hour to get all the pictures they wanted, but soon enough picture time was over, and we headed towards Dick's. The boys got out and ordered for us, bringing back the meals. Garrett turned on the stereo in the back of the limo, and we had Eminem, Linkin Park, Nickleback, Evanesence, and Flyleaf playing on our way to the dance.

After getting in the school, Alex and I dropped off our shoes and bags, and headed towards the dance floor.

It had turned out to be an amazing night. I slow-danced with Jacob through most of the songs, and taught him the dance for 'Party Rock Anthem.' After about two hours, Jacob and I snuck out of the school, and into the cool night air.

"That was an amazing night." I say breathlessly, slipping my hand into Jacob's.

"Best date yet." Jacob smiled. "And I know the perfect way to end it."

Jacob lightly placed his fingers under my chin, and tilted my head upwards. Before he could kiss me, a loud sound, a gunshot, had fired.

I lightly touched the area above my stomach, and brought my hand up to my face. Something shimmered on my fingers, and I felt the cool slick of blood. The pain came after that. Searing through my body, as if I was being ripped apart from the inside out.

I heard a scream as I fell to the ground, I don't know if it was me, or another girl. I was half-conscious, and getting tired. Jacob said something, I don't know what, and soon left.

He came back with someone else…a teacher, I don't know. The new person got down and leaned over my body, pressing his hands against where the blood was coming from.

"Renesmee," He said. "Renesmee can you hear me?"

I move my head, and try to make a sound, but blood comes out of my mouth instead.

Just as the sound of the sirens reach the school, there are several kids and teachers around me. My vision is hazy, but I can still see. I don't see Jacob anywhere. I try asking where he is, but more blood comes out of my mouth. I'm coughing blood. I try sitting up, but I'm pushed back on the ground by a teacher. Soon, a couple paramedics move the crowd away from me. I hear them rattling off my stats, and they put me on a backboard, and strapped to a gurney. I'm taken to the ambulance, and given an IV, and an oxygen mask is placed on my face.

"Can you hear me?" One asked.

Tears start streaming down my face in response.

"We're taking you to Swedish," Another said. "You'll get taken care of there. You'll be okay."

I'm getting sleepy. My eyes slowly close.

Then everything goes black.


	13. Chapter 13 Sanctuary

**Chapter 13**

**Sanctuary**

_For most people, the hospital is a scary place, a hostile place, a place where bad things happen. Most people would prefer a church, a school, or home. But I grew up here. While my mom was on rounds, I learned to read in the OR gallery. I played in the morgue. I colored with crayons on old ER charts. The hospital was my church, my school, my home. The hospital was my safe place, my sanctuary. I love it here._

_Correction. I loved it here._

~Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.

xXx

_Jacob Black_

Homecoming was amazing. Dancing with Renesmee was magical. It didn't feel like I was dancing with any other girl I had danced with before…it felt, well, different. New. Like nothing I've ever felt before.

It was crowded in the Commons, and it got hot. Nessie and I had snuck out into the night. The air was cool against our skin.

It was just me, and her.

"That was an amazing night." Nessie said, slipping her hand into mine.

"Best date yet." I said, moving closer. "And I know just how to end it."

I took my fingers, and lightly placed them under her chin. Slowly, I tilted her head up, and she closed her eyes.

Before I could kiss her, there was a loud sound—a gunshot had fired. We didn't move. Slowly, Nessie touched the small area just above her stomach, and brought it up to her face. Something red shimmered in her fingers, and she fell to the ground with a scream of pain, clutching her stomach.

Holy shit. I was scared - speechless. All thought process stopped. "I'll be right back," I said, trying to keep my voice even and calm. "I'm getting help."

_Holy shit, my girlfriend just got shot. She just got shot._

I ran into the school, and ran into her calculus teacher, Mr. Brown.

"Mr. Black, there is no need to be running around, now if you just…"

"She's bleeding," I said, my heart racing. My tone shaking, "There was a gunshot, and now she's bleeding from her stomach. It's real bad…" I trailed off, my brain not wanting to function. My mouth was dry and my palms were sweaty as I shook in rage and fear.

"Who's bleeding?" He didn't seem to believe me, but look concerned.

"Renesmee." I said. "She's outside. She got shot…" My breathing quickened, I glanced towards the doors and clutched my head in frustration.

The people around us heard, and stopped dancing. The music stopped. The lights came on, and I noticed that I had her blood on my shirt. Brown looked down at my shirt, and believed me.

"Show me where she is." He said quickly. "Everyone, stay here. Nothing to see. Go back to your previous activities."

He looked back at me. "And you…call 911. Now." Urgency traced his voice. I grabbed my cell out of the pocket of my pants, and we ran out to where she was lying. She was very still, not moving. Blood was pumping from where the bullet had hit her. Her eyes were wide open, and she looked scared. She was fast paced. Her skin looked moist, even though it was a dry night. I lightly touched her skin. It was cool against the warm Autumn air, and it felt clammy.

Oh, God…don't let her die on me, please. I'll do anything you want. Let it be me. Just keep her breathing.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" A woman's voice got on after the third ring.

"M - my girlfriend, she…she…" I stuttered, my mouth was drier than the dessert, I licked my lips and ran a hand over my sweaty face.

"Stay, calm, sir, and tell me what happened."

"We were at the dance, and we went outside to get some fresh air, and out of nowhere came a gunshot…and now she won't move. She's breathing really fast, and her skin's really cold, and wet - " I rushed, trying to explain as quickly as I could. "Please, hurry - to the high school..."

"We're sending an ambulance out right now. What I need you to do is to stay calm, and make sure the wound is covered. Apply as much pressure as you can. Try to keep her awake. Make sure she stays warm, and keep her still."

I looked over to Mr. Brown, who was leaning over Nessie, his hands pressed hard against her stomach.

"Renesmee, can you hear me?" He asked. She moved her head, and coughed up blood.

"She's…she's coughing blood," I told the 911 operator.

"Where did she get shot?"

By now, a large crowd has formed around us. I move out of the crowd. "Around her stomach…I don't really know." I said as a few hot tears leaked from my eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a figure move. I look closer, and recognize the gunman. I drop my phone, and run after him.

"Billy!" I shouted, running into the woods. "Dad!"

"How could you?" He asked angrily. "I told you to stay away from her and her family. How could you disobey me like that?"

"Billy, I don't know…"

"I saw you go into their house." He yelled,

"You shot her?" I nearly yell. "How the hell could you?"

"Her father killed your mother. Killed her, Jacob." My father had a crazy glint in his eyes, I subconsciously backed away.

"It was the damn drunk who killed her, Billy. Not a surgeon. Not your best friend." I tried to reason.

"He killed her." He said. "And he's going to pay." He pulled the gun away. I grabbed his arm, and tried to stop him.

"What the hell are you thinking?" I shout in the commotion. "You can't go around shooting people who tried saving her. You have to let her go."

In the commotion, another gunshot went off, and hit me square in the shoulder. I scream in pain, and fall to the ground. In the distance I hear sirens, and Dad disappears into the night. I get up, and stumble around, until I'm back to where everyone else was. Nessie's being put into the ambulance that arrived.

"Ohmigod!" A girl, a sophomore, by the sound, shrieked, as she looks at me. "He's been shot!"

Everyone starts screaming, and I fall to my knees, my hand clutching my right shoulder.

"Everyone, calm down!" The principle shouted. "The dance is over. Everyone, go home. Now."

Everyone except her, the teachers, and the paramedics leave.

"I know who did it." I sputter, as they make a small circle around me.

"Where did he go?" I notice a cop pull up. The chief gets closer to me. "Who the hell shot my granddaughter?"

"The hospital." I said with pained gasps. I looked up in his eyes. "My own father." I said with hatred.

The chief mutters something in his radio, and leaves. The paramedic helps me up.

"We can get another ambulance," she said. "I'm sure you don't want to see her."

"No. I need to be with her," I said.

"I'll take him." The principle says. "Jacob, you cannot see her right now. Come with me." She takes my arm, and ducks under it, leading me to her car. After making sure that my shoulder is covered, we leave and head follow the ambulance towards Swedish.

"Will she be okay?" I grunt in pain.

"We don't know." She grips the wheel, her knuckles white. "She's unconscious, and in pretty bad shape. She's lost a lot of blood."

"Do her…"

"They were paged." She confirmed.

The rest of the ride is silent. I may not believe in God, but the whole ride to Swedish, I'm silently praying.

_God, if you really are there, don't let her die. We need her. Please. I'll do anything. Just don't let her die. Let me die. Kill me instead. Just don't let her die. Please. I'm begging you. I'll go to church, I'll do anything. Please don't let her die. Take me instead. She doesn't deserve this. Don't. Let. Her. Die. _

xXx

Edward and Bella's pagers went off just as they were finishing their movie, at 10:30.

"It's 9-1-1." They said urgently. Quickly, they left their house. Edward started the car, and they raced to Swedish. They passed by the ambulance as they made their way.

"What the hell happened?" Bella asked. "There's no sign of a car accident, nothing on the news…"

"I don't know." Edward said, gripping the wheel. Just don't let it be Renesmee. He thought.

Quickly parking the car, and running into the ambulance dispatch, they got into the yellow trauma gowns and prepped for the oncoming trauma.

"Edward, Bella, please tell me you know what happened." Alice said, making her way towards her twin and sister-in-law.

"You three," The chief, Marcus Hunt, said, running towards them. "You can't be here."

"What…why?" Bella asked hurriedly. A thousand unwanted images of her hurt daughter came to mind.

Before Marcus could answer, the ambulance came, and the paramedics brought out the injured person.

"18 year old female, found on Garfield High grounds during the Homecoming dance. Shot in the abdomen from the back. Bullet appears to have torn through stomach while exiting, as well as her major abdominal aorta. In severe hemorrhagic shock from the loss of nearly a pint or more of blood. Pulse is weak and thready. BP is severely low. Started IV drip of dopamine…" The paramedic said, as the girl was being lifted out of the ambulance.

Bella pushed everyone out of the way to get a better look at who was on the stretcher.

"No…" She whispered, looking at her daughter. There was a large, gaping hole that tore through her dress that gave way to another large hole that tore through her body. Small bits of food were in the abdominal cavity. Dried blood caked around the hole, making a border around the wound. Blood still came at a fast rate from her wound, and after a cough, flowed from her mouth.

Behind her, escorted by Mrs. Berg, the principle of Garfield was Jacob. He was clutching his blood-soaked right shoulder.

Edward was behind Bella, and fell to his knees when he saw his daughter.

"Hale, get them out of here!" Hunt shouted through the commotion. "Edward, I'll take care of her. She'll be okay." He told Edward, helping him up from the ground, and handing him to his sister.

"Alice, see to the other kid when you're done."

"Of course, chief." She said, taking her brother and sister-in law out of the dispatch. They went to a private conference room, and sat down, still in shock of seeing Renesmee in such a bad state.

"I'll talk to Jacob." Alice said after a few minutes' silence. She got up, and headed towards the door.

"Hunt said he'd fill us in, but we can't be part of the surgery, or go near her until she's in recovery."

Bella and Edward just nod, and Alice slipped out of the room and into the private ER room where Jacob was.

"Mrs. Berg," Alice nodded towards the woman in the room with Jacob. "I'm going to need you to step outside, while I assess Jacob. There also appears to be some cops here who would like a statement from you."

"Ah, of course." Mrs. Berg nodded, and left the room. She shut the door behind her.

"What the hell happened at the dance?" She asked Jacob. She grabbed the nearest trauma kit, and started assessing his wound, trying to see if the bullet was visible.

"I think I can get it out…I'm going to give you a local anesthetic, and try to get it out…this will hurt a little bit…" She grabbed forceps, and pushed Jacob down, so he was lying flat on his back. She moved the light closer to his wound, and started getting the bullet dislodged from his shoulder.

Jacob winced, as she dug into his shoulder. "I don't know. It was hot, so we went outside to get some fresh air, and out of nowhere, a gunshot fired, and she fell, and wouldn't move. Is she going to be okay?"

"Dr. Hunt is a very good surgeon." Alice said, trying to focus on getting the bullet out. Jacob winced.

"Dammit this bullet doesn't want to come out…" Alice mumbled. She moved the light away, and sat up. "We need to take you to X-ray to get it checked out." she finally decided.

xXx

"One, two, three!" The doctors lifted Renesmee off the stretcher, and onto the hospital gurney. She let out a small whimper of pain.

"Renesmee, can you hear me?" Hunt asked as the rest of the surgeons take off her dress to get a better look at her wound.

Renesmee moans in response, and tries moving her head. Hunt placed his hands over her head.

"Don't move. We need you to stay absolutely still. Do you know what happened?" He questions,

"I…" She tries taking in a breath, and yelps out in pain. Her breathing becomes slow, and labored, and her heart rate speeds up. As the doctors tried to slow it back down, her heart stopped, as well as her breathing.

"Her airway's blocked," Dr. Grey said, after trying to start a breathing tube.

"Yang, crack her chest!" Hunt yelled at the resident. "Start pumping her heart. Grey, start a circothrotomy."

"Got it," Grey said, after making the incision to the circothyroid membrane. "I need a endotracheal tube,"

An intern quickly handed Grey the small tube, and she slid it through the incision, hooking it up to the respirator.

"Yang, you're going to fast!" Hunt yelled, taking Yang's hand off of Renesmee's heart. "You need to go slower, otherwise her heart rate will speed up."

Hunt took the heart in his hand, and massaged it, trying to get it to start again.

"Avery, we need to get her to CT," Marcus said, hopping onto the gurney. "We need to see what we're getting into. Yang, go book an OR!"

"Yes, sir," Yang nodded, and left to do what she was asked. Avery and Grey took the gurnery, and headed into the CT room.

xXx

"I need to see her." Edward said in a shaky tone, getting up from the chair. "I need to be in the OR." He paces, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Alice said that Marcus was doing the surgery." Bella said softly, trying to comfort her husband. "You know we can't be in there,"

"That's my daughter in there." Edward growled. "I need to be in there, to make sure they're doing everything they can."

He looked at his wife, as if asking her if she wanted to join. Bella looked hesitant, but went with him. They couldn't sit and wait for Hunt to give them updates.

She wasn't in any of the trauma rooms. After bullying several interns into telling them where she was, they headed towards CT 4.

"Marcus!" Edward shouted. "Let me in this surgery!"

"Edward, you know I can't do that." Hunt murmured. "It's against hospital code to let you, Alice, or your wife be part of Renesmee's surgery. I told you that I would keep you posted, now…"

"Let me on the damn surgery, Hunt!" Edward sneered. "I need to see her. Make sure she's okay. Please,"

"I can't let you,"

"Out of the way." Edward pushed Marcus out of the way, and walked into the CT scan room. He looked for his daughter's scans, pulled them off the board, and held them up to the light.

"Through her stomach, right through major abdominal aorta…through her pancreas. Exit wound?"

"The bullet hit her in the back, and tore though her stomach, exiting a few inches below her ribcage." Marcus said quietly.

"Plan of action?" Edward mumbled.

"We were able to stabilize her. She's on her way to surgery. The first thing we need to do is stop the bleeding, and replace the lost blood, about fifty units. Then we can do another surgery to repair the stomach and pancreas."

"Let me in the surgery." Edward tried again,

"Edward, you know I can't…"

"Screw the damn rule!" Edward shouted.

"Dr. Cullen!" Marcus shouted. "She is your daughter. I'm not even letting Alice work on her. I'm doing the surgery. Think. If you were to be part of the surgery, and she didn't make it, you wouldn't live with yourself."

Edward sunk to the ground in defeat. "I'll meet you after the surgery, Dr. Cullen."

Marcus left the room, where Bella was standing. There was a loud crash, and a flood of scans fell to the ground.


	14. Chapter 14 Sanctuary Part 2

**Chapter 14**

**Sanctuary: Part 2**

_I learned to read in the OR gallery. I played in the morgue. I colored, with crayons, on old ER charts. The hospital _was _my church, my school, my home. My safe place. My sanctuary. I love it here. _

_Correction. _Loved_ it here. _

~Meredith Grey, _Grey's Anatomy. _

xXx

"Edward…" Bella said quietly, sitting down next to her husband. "No matter what we think, Marcus _is _right. If…if…" She pushed the bad image of her daughter's death out of her mind, but it kept coming back. Bella swallowed hard, and continued. "We wouldn't be able to live with that kind of guilt." She said softly. Bella placed a hand on her husband's back.

Edward wiped his hand across his face, and moved it through his hair. "I need to see her."

"Oh, Dr. Cullen," A nervous intern said, stumbling into the room. "I didn't see you there, I'm sorry…"

"Out." Edward said quietly, standing up.

"I'm sorry…?" The intern said with confusion.

"Out." Edward growled. "Out!" He yelled.

The scared intern stumbled out of the room, and Edward slammed the door behind him. He pressed his hands against the door, and leaned against it.

"Edward, I know you want to see her. Don't you think that I want to see her? I'm scared out of my _mind_, Edward. Alice is scared. Everyone is scared. I don't want to wait either, but we have no…" Before Bella could finish, her pager went off.

"It's Alice."

xXx

"I need to see Dr. Cullen." Billy said gruffly towards the nurse at the front desk of the already busy ER.

"I'm sorry, I'm extremely busy…" A nurse trailed off, walking away from the station, and running towards another patient.

Billy started to get angry, but tried to keep his cover. He walked around the ER, asking doctors if they knew where he was. Everyone was extremely busy, and couldn't give him the answer. He cautiously looked over for any cops, and made his way into a private room.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" He questioned someone stocking up on medical supplies.

"It's 'Doctor'…what?" She asked with annoyance, turning towards the man.

"Can you tell me where Dr. Cullen is?"

"Uh, you know what sir, I can't. They don't want to be seen by anyone except family right now." She walked away, and Billy grabbed hold of her arm, turning her around.

"Please? I'm really turned around here." Billy ground his teeth in aggravation.

"Sir, I'm really sorry. They've had a family issue. Now, I have a patient whose having a seizure out there, if you go get a nurse and ask them, I'm sure they can tell you."

Billy pulled out his gun, and shot her in her head. She fell quickly, and died without feeling any pain. Blood poured from the back of her head. Dr. Sinai came from around the corner.

"Dude, what the hell…?"

Before Sinai could finish, Billy shot him in the side. Sinai fell to the floor hard on his left side, where he hadn't been shot. Billy looked at his dead—and dying—victims, and left.

xXx

"Jacob's in recovery." Alice informed, as Edward and Bella walked into the conference room, where they joined Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett. "He told me after Nessie got shot, and he had gotten help and called 911, he saw the gunman in the woods just off school grounds. He had chased him, and found out the gunman was Billy."

"_Billy _shot our daughter?" Edward questioned, his face began to loose color. "Billy Black?"

"Jacob said that it was in revenge. He saw Jacob go into your house a few nights ago, and was angry with him for going against him and dating Renesmee. He fought with him, and ended up getting shot in the shoulder. Jacob also said that Billy was planning on coming here, to finish his revenge for Sarah."

Edward and Bella looked at each other, worry etched upon their faces. Before they could say anything, the phone in the conference room rang.

"Hello?" Alice picked up the phone. Her face dropped as the person on the other line told her something.

"Yeah, okay." She muttered, sounding distant. She put the phone back in its holder.

"What was that?" Rosalie asked.

"The hospital's on lock down." Alice said. Soon, three pagers went off in 911 modes.

"Shit…"Alice mumbled. "This is bad."

xXx

"Shit, shit, shit…" Hunt mumbled to himself, as every one's pagers went off 911 just as the scrub nurse had told them that the hospital was on lock down. Right in the middle of Renesmee's surgery.

"Do we keep going…?" An intern asked hesitantly.

"Yes, we keep going!" Hunt yelled. "We still need to save her life. I'm not letting her die over a _damn lockdown_! Keep going, Lenway! Avery, make sure you repair that aorta. We can't stop the bleeding until it's finished, and she's losing blood, fast."

"Yes, sir." Dr. Avery said, sliding the small thread through the tear.

"Faster, Avery! We don't have all…"

Before Hunt could finish, the monitor started going erratic.

"Dammit!" Hunt growled. "Yang, get her heart. Quickly, now if she loses anymore blood she's gone."

"I…I…." Yang stuttered nervously.

"Just do it!" Hunt yelled. "Avery, give me that suture!"

Avery did as he was told, and Hunt tried to swiftly stitch the aorta branch as everyone else scrambled to slow down the heart rate. Soon, her heart returned to a normal pace. The surgeons let out a sigh of relief.

"Great. The aortic branch is fixed. We can't fix the rest right now. What we need to do is focus on putting fifty units of blood and blood substitutes in her body."

"But…what about the pancreas and stomach?"

"We're going to leave her abdomen open, and wrap it in plastic, to reduce the swelling. After this lock down we are putting her in the ICU under a medically induced coma. Then we will come back and attempt to repair the stomach and pancreas." Hunt said as he started wrapping protecting barriers around the injured organs.

"Lenway, get the blood bags, and start up the transfusion."

She did what she was told, and Hunt wrapped Renesmee's abdomen with a protective plastic wrap.

Everyone sighed a sigh of relief, as Renesmee's body stabilized, and the blood went into her body. Despite the lock down, everything seemed to be going all right.

xXx

"Edward, you can't leave," Bella begged her husband, as he got up from his seat.

"Billy wants me, right?" He questioned. "I'm not letting anyone else get killed over me."

"Edward, this is insane!" Alice shrieked. "The cops are already here—they've been here since Nessie and Jacob came in. They'll find him and we'll be off lock down. You are being ridiculous!"

"Let me settle this." Edward said in a harsh whisper, he clenched his fists. "I'm not letting him rampage through this hospital."

"Edward, man, I'm not letting you go." Emmett growled, blocking the doorway.

"Please, don't go." Esme pleaded helplessly.

Everyone begged him not to go, but he needed to. Edward knew that Billy wasn't going to stop until he saw him. Edward pushed his brother away, and left the conference room.

"Edward, wait!" Bella tried to get to her husband, but she stopped, feeling a sudden wave of nausea.

"Not now…" Bella mumbled to herself, crouching down and holding onto her knees. She took deep breaths, trying to abate the nausea.

Alice was instantly at her sister-in-law's side. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…I'll be fine in a few minute. It's just a bit of morning sickness that is…" She glanced down at her watch. "Right on time."

"You're _pregnant_?" Alice, Rose, and Esme asked in chorus, a little bit shocked.

"Does Edward know?" Alice asked, astonished.

"I just found out this morning. I was going to tell them tomorrow…and yeah, I know. I'm surprised too."

"I need to go get Edward." Bella stated calmly after the nausea passed. She straightened up, and walked out of the room.

"Bella, are you _insane_?" Alice asked frantically, following her. "You can't walk around here. We need to stay with everyone else."

"I need to be with Edward." Bella said in between hot tears.

"Not without me you're not." Alice huffed,

The two of them went out to go find Edward.

xXx

"Dr. Cullen," Billy called, catching up with Edward on the catwalk.

Edward turned around, and found his old friend behind him. "Billy," He said slowly.

"This hospital isn't safe," Billy started. "I've made sure it's that way."

"I can see that," Edward said.

"It's an unsafe place." Billy chuckled. "People get hurt here." The smirk on his face twisted his wrinkles sinisterly

"You should go back home, before you get hurt," Edward tried to convince him, his hands shook.

"I'm already hurt," Billy chocked. "You hurt me when you decided to kill my wife."

Billy held up his gun, and aimed it at Edward's chest, ready to kill.


	15. Chapter 15 Death and All His Friends

**Chapter 15**

**Death and All His Friends**

_The human life is made up of choices. Yes or no? In or out? Up or down? And then there are the choices that matter: to love or hate; to be a hero or a coward; to fight or give in; to live or die... Live or die? That's the important choice, and it's not always in our hands. _

~Derek Shepherd, _Grey's Anatomy_

xXx

"_I'm already hurt," Billy said. "_You _hurt me when you decided to kill my wife."_

_Billy held up his gun, and aimed it at Edward's chest, ready to kill. _

"Billy," Edward said slowly, holding up his hands. "Wait."

"What for? I've waited twelve years already. I should have done this a long time ago." His voice was shaky, and the gun in his hand quavered.

"I know your pain," Edward whispered. "I know your loss. I lost my best friend when I was a teenager. Two guys killed him for his watch right in front of me. Right in front of me. I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be God. I became a doctor so I could save lives. Look at me." Edward tried to keep his voice even, and slow.

"Please, look at me in the eye," Billy reluctantly did as his old friend asked him.

"I'm a human being," Edward continued. "I make mistakes, I'm flawed…we all are. Today, I think for you, is just a mistake. You want justice, you want somebody to pay. You're a good man. You wouldn't do this. I can see it in your eye. Can you see it in mine? Can you?"

xXx

Alice and Bella found their way across from the catwalk. Bella looked around herself, looking for Edward. Her grip on Alice's hand tightened, as she saw her husband and Billy about three feet away from each other on the catwalk, a gun aimed at Edward's chest.

"Oh my God…" Bella cried softly.

xXx

"Billy…" Edward warned, trying to get him to put the gun down.

"Shut up!" Billy yelled shakily. "No talking, you're not the man here. I'm the man._ I'm the man_. I told Sarah I would be. I'm a man, and a man looks after his wife. But I didn't. I let _you _decide if she should die. I wasn't the man then." Billy took a deep breath. "And then I hired that _goddamn _lawyer who couldn't even get a _damn case_!" He screamed,

"I wasn't the man then." Billy repeated. "But I'm the man now."

xXx

Bella moved slowly, trying to escape her sister-in-law's grasp. "I need to…" She whispered.

"No, no, no, no…" Alice said quickly, trying to pull Bella away from the catwalk.

"You can't do this…" She wept,

"I need to…"

xXx

"What kind of hospital is this?" Billy asked. "It's not safe here. Somebody has to protect people. From _you._"

"Billy, please…" Edward raised his hands.

"You don't get to be God!" Billy shouted angrily. "No talking!" He shouted again, as Edward tried to say something. He took another step closer to Edward.

"Billy, listen to me," Edward pleaded, "I didn't become a doctor so I could be God. I became one so I could save lives. I know you that you are a good man, Billy. You were a good man. I can see it in your eyes. Can you see it in mine? Can you?"

Billy slowly put the gun down at his side.

Before anything could happen, Dr. Kepner came rushing from the door behind him.

"Dr. Cullen," She said breathlessly. "Thank God you're back."

Edward turned to her, and from behind, Billy pulled the gun up. Edward quickly looked back, and as if in slow motion, Billy pulled the trigger to his gun, and hit Edward square in the chest. He fell to the ground, with a hard thump. He seemed to be in shock, as if it hadn't happened. But soon, slowly, Edward's eyes closed.


	16. Chapter 16 Death and All His Friends 2

**Chapter 16**

**Death and All His Friends:**

**Part Two**

_"Dr. Cullen," She said. "Thank God you're back._

_Edward turned to her, and from behind, Billy pulled his gun back up. Edward quickly looked back, and, as if in slow motion, Billy pulled the trigger to his gun, and hit Edward square in the chest. He fell to the ground with a hard thump. He seemed to be in shock, as if it hadn't happened. But soon, slowly, Edward's eyes closed._

xXx

Edward:

The pain.

The white-hot searing pain.

It burned, coursing through my chest, where the bullet had hit me just above the heart. Blood seeps through my shirt, and onto the floor.

I couldn't die. Not now. Not today.

I hear Bella calling my name, screaming my name. Oh, Bells. My sweet, sweet Bells. Through the pain, I turned my head, and saw Alice trying to pull her away.

Ali. Pixie, I would always call her growing up. We were inseparable. I've always told her I appreciated her, whenever she would watch Renesmee when Bella and I had a 911 page and she didn't, the hard time we went through when Sarah died. But she didn't know how much I truly appreciated her, much deeper than just a quick thank you for watching Renesmee.

And Renesmee. I can't leave her. I need to be with her. She needs me. She's dying. Maybe I will join her in Death.

We can't leave Bella.

We can't die. Not now. Not like this. Not today.

My eyes closed, slowly, as if I were in slow motion. Everything seemed to be in slow motion today, after Renesmee came in, the gaping bullet wound ripping her abdomen apart. My sweet, sweet baby girl.

Suddenly, my eyes flew open, and my breathing became rampant. I was breathing hard. I look down at the bullet wound, and touch my hand to it. The cool feel of blood is on my fingers. I'm in shock.

Kepner is shaking; I can hear it in her voice.

"My-my name i-is Anya K-Kepner…I'm forty-eight years old…I…I…I'm f-fr-from a-a-a f-f-farm…blo-blood d-d-doesn't s-s-c-care me…my-my father, h-he's a-a farmer…c-corn, farmer…I-I haven't d-done anything y-yet…I haven't…I haven't lived…Please, please I'm someone's child…I'm a person…"

She's telling him random facts about herself, in attempt to stay alive. She's smart. She'll get through this.

"Run," Billy growled, still pointing the gun at her.

She takes a big, shaky breath, and runs. He points the gun down at me.

"Bill…Billy," I gasp. In the distance, the S.W.A.T team comes in through the lobby, and Billy runs off. Leaving me to die.

Billy. I'm sorry about Sarah. I'm sorry that we couldn't save her. I wish we could have. Bella misses her so much. I miss being friends. And now you've killed my daughter, my baby girl.

Hunt. You've trained me well, and through you I became the best trauma surgeon in this hospital, after you. Save my daughter. I trust you. You are the only person who could save her. I'm glad we were friends.

Mom, Dad, Alice, Emmett. My family. I'm sorry. Thank you for everything.

Renesmee. I love you so much. You're my baby girl. I will always love you. I miss you already, but soon I will be with you. I will be glad if I'm not with you, for it means that you have made it. Stay strong, sweetie. Fight this. I love you.

Jacob. Thank you for taking care of my girl. She's my angel, and you've treated her just like one. I am so thankful your the man I knew you would grow up to be. I'm so proud of you, and I know your father is too.

xXx

"He's still breathing, he could still be alive…" Bella whispered, close to her breaking point.

"No, no, no, no, no you are not." Alice said, trying to keep calm, while keeping Bella from going.

"Please," Bella gasped.

"You'll get killed. I'm not about to let that happen. You wanna go, you're gonna go through me." Alice swallowed hard, trying to stay calm.

In an instant, Bella threw Alice to the ground, and ran out, trying to get to her husband.

Alice crashed into the medical supplies in the room hard, and fell to the ground with a groan, watching Bella make her way out of the room.

"Dammit." Alice panted.

xXx

"Do you really think this was a good idea?" Dr. Lenway asked, as she and Dr. Hunt pushed Renesmee into an ICU ward.

"We can't keep her in the OR, Lenway, she could get an infection. We need to have her in the ICU to protect her. It's the safest place right now."

"While the man who shot her is roaming this hospital?" The intern questioned.

Before Hunt could answer, he saw something in the room that they had been passing. He quickly looked down, and gasped, seeing another doctor covered in blood. He got down, and pressed his hand to his neck.

"He's dead." He said in a shaky voice. "We cannot go into the ICU right now. We stay here, we're sitting ducks."

"So, what do we do about Renesmee?" Dr. Lenway asked.

Hunt looked over at the 18-year old on the gurney. Renesmee was still, and still so, so pale. Her abdomen was extremely swollen, and still open, protected by a tight, protective layer of plastic. She was still being provided with blood, the IV pole was attached to her bed. She was still hooked up to the trach, hooked up to the small respirator sitting at the edge of her bed. Her BP and heart were weak. She was still in bad shape, and they couldn't tell if she would even make it through the night.

Hunt slid his hand over his scrub cap, and let out a large breath. "Take her back."

"What are you doing" Lenway asked as Hunt pulled out his cell phone.

"Calling 911," Hunt said.

xXx

"Why are they only getting civilians out?" The lead chief asked the closet police officer. "Where is the hospital staff?"

"The policy is to get visitors out, room by room, floor by floor, until we get the shooter."

"Well, do you know who he is? Where he is?" The chief asked angrily.

"No, sir," the cop said.

"Well, do you know anything?" the chief practically shouted.

Before the cop could answer, someone came on the line.

"This is Dr. Marcus Hunt, Swedish Medical, we're coming out with a critical patient,"

"Commander, we've got a sound," Another cop said.

"This is Dr. Addison Karev, we've got a kid up on Peds with a ruptured appendix…" Another voice came on the line.

"Alisha Marx, on I'm on five…"

And another. "He shot a doctor in the ICU…"

Dr. Marx is back on. "There are two dead security guards, for no reason he…"

"This guy's at least fifty, tan skin, black hair…" One doctor says.

"Dr. Percy has been shot, he shot a nurse, and I got a dying doctor up here…" Dr. Marx said.

"He was my brother's best friend," Alice's voice was the loudest. She sounded like she was trying to hold back tears. "He was my brother's best friend. He was looking for him, revenge for his wife's death. Specifically my brother. And he shot him. He shot Edward Cullen right in front of us and we need help."

xXx

_Edward._

Suddenly, after what seemed like hours, but was only fifteen minutes, the doors swung open, and sounded as if they were going to fly off there hinges. I thought it was Billy, coming back to finish me off.

"Edward!" I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Edward, hold on," Bella's choking on tears.

I open my eyes with all the effort I have left in me, and look into my wife's tear-stained face. She presses her hands against my wound, making me wince.

"Hold on," She said. "Hold on, okay? I love you. Please, don't die, Edward, don't die…"

"Bella," I muster. "You gotta get out of here." I gasp. "Before he comes back…"

"Do. Not. Die!" Bella shouted. "Do you hear me? I can't have you and Renesmee die today. Not today. Not now."

"I called the police," Alice gasped, running in the room.

"If you die with Renesmee…" Bella closed her eyes. More tears streamed down her face.

"Okay good they're coming…" She sobbed. "The police are coming,"

"Bells, Bella, they, they're not coming," Alice said quickly. "They're not gonna get here."

"They're not coming for us," She said. "Not in time."

"I love you," Bella sobbed. "Don't die on me, Edward,"

"What are we going to do?" Alice asked, sounding scared.

"Edward needs surgery…I can…"

"No!" Bella yelled. "You stay awake!" She sobbed.

"What do we do?" Alice asked. "I can't do the surgery, and everyone else who can is with Renesmee."

"Stay awake!" Bella was oblivious to Alice.

She shook me, and Alice ran out of the catwalk. "Stay awake!" Bella yelled.

I was getting tired. So, so tired. I was losing so much blood, it was harder to stay awake.

xXx

"Does the name, William Black, mean anything to you?" The officer asked the head of the hospital.

"Yes," He nodded. "His wife and son were in a car accident, and were taken here, nearly twelve years ago. He was the Head of Trauma's patient…Dr. Cullen's. He tried, and failed, at suing the hospital. Why?"

A look of realization came to his face. William Black was the shooter. William was one of Dr. Cullen's old friends…that's why Mrs. Black's death had been so hard on him and his wife.

William was coming back for revenge.

xXx

_Edward._

"Bella, you prep him. Anya and I are going to go find Marcus and Annalise. They should be on this floor." Alice said.

"Bella, it's going to be okay." Alice reassured Bella.

Alice and Anya left. Bella came over to me. I was groggy, fighting to stay awake.

"Okay, you're going to be okay," She said, getting ready to prep me for surgery.

"They're going to find Annalise and Marcus. Everything is going to be okay,"

She was reassuring herself more than she was reassuring me.

"Kiss me." I breathed, with the last bit of strength I had left.

Bella instantly fell on top of me, and kissed me with as much passion, if not more, as our wedding day. When we broke apart, she had a fountain of tears on her face.

"Tell Renesmee I miss her," She cried.

"If…I…see her." I managed.

xXx

"It's really creepy down here…" Anya whispered, griping onto Alice.

"He's down here…" Anya said.

"No, he's not," Alice growled.

"He's down here, and he's going to shoot us…"

"Anya, shut up!" Alice whispered. "You're really freaking me out and I can't be freaking out right now."

"Sorry…"

"Alice!" Esme came around the corner. "Where's Edward? What's going on?"

"Anya," Alice said. "Go find Marcus and Annalise. Meet me back here."

Anya nodded, and went to go find them. Alice took in a deep breath, and faced her mother.

"Mom, we really can't be out here…" She whispered nervously,

"Just tell me." Esme said, trying to keep her voice even. "We're scared out of our minds."

"Where is everyone?"

Esme led Alice to the conference room where their worried family was. Everyone looked scared, and like Anya, shaking. Carlisle looked calm, but you could tell in his eyes he was scared.

Alice took in a deep breath. "I think we should sit down," Alice found the head of the table, and sat down. Everyone surrounded her on opposite sides of the table.

"Edward tried talking Billy out of shooting him, and for a few minutes, we thought he was in the clear. Dr. Kepner came out of nowhere, and didn't see Billy, and excitedly came towards Edward. Billy got mad, and when Edward turned back, he shot him. He barely missed his heart."

"No…." Esme shook her head. "No…"

"Where is he now?" Carlisle asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"Anya and I are getting Marcus and Annalise, to do his surgery. He'll be okay."

"He got shot above his heart, and you're telling us that he'll be _okay_?" Rose shrieked.

"Marcus and Annalise are the best trauma and cardio surgeons of this hospital. They've saved cases where no one thought they were going to live."

"What about Renesmee?" Esme questioned slowly.

"I don't know. I haven't heard anything since we went on lock down."

Esme was going to say something, but Anya came in the room.

"They've headed towards the OR. We have to get going,"

"I'm staying here." Alice said. "Go."

xXx

"You can do this, right?" Bella asked Annalise as she was scrubbing in.

"Every GSW is different," Annalise started. "It's not a blueprint. It's half instinct, and half improve. And I'm very good…for someone who hasn't seen a lot of GSW's, I'm very good."

"Good." Bella started walking out.

"You can't be in here," Marcus said, blocking the entrance.

"What…why?" Bella was surprised.

"The same reason you couldn't be in Renesmee's surgery."

"Is she okay?" Bella asked, worry toning her voice.

"She's still very critical,"

"Where is she?"

"In the other OR with Avery."

"She's with an intern?"

"He's just making sure she's stable. Any intern can do that."

Bella gulped. "Okay."

"We're ready," Anya said from behind Marcus.

"Anya," Marcus said, turning around. "Bella is going to sit here, on the floor. I need you to stay here, and be with her. If she tries, or even looks like she will try to get up, and enter my OR or take a peak in my OR, stop here. I don't care how, just stop her."

"Yeah, sure, okay, chief." Anya nodded.

Annalise and Marcus left to start the surgery, leaving Bella and Anya on the floor.

"Stop crying," Bella said angrily to Anya after a few minutes.

"Look, it took me a long time to find him. A long time. And even then it took me a long time to even know that I wanted him. To be married, to be his wife, to have his kids," She lightly placed a hand over her stomach.

"And now my daughter is dying, and my husband is on that table, dying. The chief's hands are in his chest. _You don't get to cry about that._"

"Reed was my best friend," Anya said, referring to the first victim of the hospital shooting. "She died today."

Bella took Anya's hand, and held it tight in hers, comforting the both of them.

xXx

"Can you see where the blood's coming from?" Annalise asked Marcus, as they looked through Edward's chest.

"Nothing," Marcus said. "Damn it, you know what? I can't see anything."

"Give me some suction," Annalise growled.

"No," Marcus stated. "It's his aorta."

"You can do this," Annalise told him.

"I know I can. I just wanted it to be easy."

"There's massive bleeding in his lungs," Annalise said. "There's a bullet lodged right next to his aorta, and a huge hematoma."

"Graft, or clamp and sew?" She mumbled to herself. "Clamp and sew."

"Give me a clamp," Marcus said.

"Don't fix him anymore." Billy growled, walking in the OR and holding his gun up.

They stopped moving, and Billy moved closer to Annalise, holding the gun up to her head.

"Let him die." He pressed the gun to her neck. "Let him lie there and die."

Annalise tried to contain her tears, but they kept coming. She was scared.

"Do you want me to shoot you?" Billy nearly yelled. "Do you?"

Annalise let a cry escape, and quickly held in her breath.

"Marcus, clamp the hilum so you can get control of the hemorrhage so I can get better visualization," Annalise said through her sobs.

"Don't you dare,"

"Clamp the hilum so I can see it!"

"You stop, or I will shoot you in the head. I didn't come here for this. My wife is dead—I came for justice. The only person in this room I want is Cullen. Now back off!"

"Shoot me." Bella said, coming into the OR.

"Bella," Marcus and Annalise said.

"You want justice, right? An eye for an eye. That man on the table? He's my husband. Your wife died. If you want to him to hurt like you do, then shoot me. I'm your eye for an eye."

"Bella," Annalise said slowly.

Billy slowly walked towards Bella, aiming the gun at her heart.

"You tell Edward that I love him, and that I'm sorry. Tell Renesmee that I love her, and that I'm sorry, if I don't see her."

"She's pregnant," Annalise said. Bella shot her a look, but she ignored her. "You wouldn't shoot a pregnant woman, would you?"

Billy shot, but not at Bella, Instead he shot at the ground, a warning.

"Raise your hands," Marcus shouted. "Raise your hands, he's going to shot again."

"I'm stopping, I'm stopping,"

"Listen to me," Marcus said. "In a few seconds, all the blood in his heart will pump to his chest, and stop beating. You'll see it on the monitor, just wait,"

Bella collapsed on the ground in tears. "Please, don't stop." She sobbed.

"Shut up!" Marcus yelled. Bella cried harder.

Soon, slowly, Edward's heart rate slowed to a complete stop.

"No!" Bella sobbed. "No, no, no, no…"

"See?" Annalise said, trying not to cry. "He's dead."


	17. Chapter 17 Death and All His Friends 3

**Chapter 17**

**Death and All His Friends:**

**Part Three**

"It's over," Annalise said again, her hands still raised. "He's dead."

Bella continued to sob incoherently.

"He's dead," Marcus repeated.

Slowly, Billy began to leave.

"Edward!" Bella shouted through her sobs.

As soon as Billy closed the door and left, Annalise and Marcus began their work again.

"Hand me the 4-0 pledged suture. Let's start the tractotomies. Annalise, give me his vitals,"

"Got a pulse—128, BP's cycling…"

"I…" Bella half-sobbed, looking confused.

"I can't talk now, trying to save your guy. I'll explain later." Annalise said. "Go back with Anya,"

Bella swallowed hard, and nodded, standing up. She slowly walked back to the scrub room.

"Remind me to thank you later," Annalise told Marcus.

"I will," Marcus smiled.

xXx

"Anya," Bella said, walking into the scrub room. She looked dazed.

"Yeah?"

"Let's go see Jacob."

"He's still out there," Anya said quickly. "We can't go out there, there's no…"

"Jacob is in the closet recovery room, just ten doors down. I need to talk to him about what happened."

"Okay," Anya said, standing up. "I'll go with you."

"Good," Bella started heading out of the scrub room, but stopped dead, grasping her stomach.

"Ow," She muttered.

"Are you okay?" Anya asked, moving towards the hunched-over Bella.

"Yeah…um, I'm okay," Bella said through the sharp pain that ripped through her abdomen.

"Are you sure?" Anya questioned. "Oh, my God, did you get shot?"

"No, I didn't, I'm…"

"You could be in shock and not realize it…"

"I'm, I'm…"

"There's blood running down your thighs," Anya said.

"I'm…I'm having a miscarriage," Bella stated, trying to abate the hot tears that stung the back of her eyes.

xXx

Chief Seth Clearwater, the lead chief and head of Swedish Medical walked into the ICU. Looking down, he saw another victim, who, by the looks of it, was killed merely minutes before he had stepped foot in the ward.

He sighed, and stepped over the corpse. Seth sighed sadly. So many of Swedish's doctors had been killed, and the best trauma surgeon was dying alongside his daughter. This was a sad day for Swedish history, and it would be hard to recover from.

He walked into room 105, where, twelve years previously, Mrs. Sarah Black was pronounced brain dead. Seth knew that William would end up here in the end. It's where Sarah took her last breaths. William would want to finish in this room. It's where it all started for him.

William was sitting in the darkest corner of the room, across from the bed.

"I've been looking for you," William informed.

"I've been looking for you," Seth nodded.

William laughed nervously. "You know what's funny?" He held up the gun.

"Okay," Seth nodded.

"Three days ago, when I bought this gun…did you know you could buy guns at superstores? They have a whole section at this Wal-Mart just outside of Seattle, just out of aisle eight. A gun section…" He thought for a moment.

"Anyway, when, when I bought the gun, I had all this ammunition. I bought a whole bunch of it because it was on sale…and then this afternoon, after Jacob left for the dance, I was packing it into my coat. I didn't have enough room for all of it in my pockets, because, I wanted to bring my flask," William nodded towards the silver flask in his hand.

"You mind?" He slowly hands the flask towards Seth, and winces. William's hand was bloody. He had been hit by the bullet he had shot in the OR just ten minutes ago.

Seth took the flask, opened it, and handed it back to him.

"Thank you," William nodded. He took a long, good swig of the vodka.

"You know? I was never much of a drinker," William grunted. "Being a Biology teacher, and all, I knew the exact effects this stuff has on your brain. But after Sarah…" He closed his eyes; a single, silver tear escapes.

"You want some?" He hands the flask to Seth.

"No, thanks."

"The funny part is…" William laughed, taking the flash back. "I only have one bullet left. I left bullets at home because I thought I'd need a drink…and now I'm drinking because I only have one left."

"See, I was going to shoot you, after little miss Renesmee and her father. Shoot you right in the face, just because you're the _god-damned _head of this place…and then I was going to shoot myself. Now I only have one bullet left, because I accidentally shot my own _son_…"

"It does seem you have a problem," Seth offered.

"I do," William said. "I do. I have one _hell _of a problem. You sure you don't want a drink?"

Seth took the flask, and sniffed its contents. "Vodka," He said. "Nice." He dumped its contents onto the floor.

"Hey," William said, sitting up.

"What's it going to be, Mr. Black?" Seth said. "Me…or you?"

"You shoot me," He placed the flask down, and sat on the edge of the bed, facing William. "The SWAT team's gonna get you. And they won't shoot you. They're going to capture you, and take you to prison. If you shoot yourself, you're free, done. See your wife again. So, you have a choice to make. You or me? Live in prison, or die, and be with Sarah?"

"S-screw you." William aimed the gun at Seth's face.

"See, I've lived…I've _really _lived. I've failed, I've been devastated…broken…I've been to Hell and back. But I've also known joy. And passion. And I've had a great love. Death for me is not justice. It's the end of a beautiful journey. And I'm not afraid to die." He took a deep breath.

"The question is…are you? A life in prison…or an afterlife with your wife? Me or you. It's your choice."

Just as the SWAT team entered the ICU, William had already shot himself.

xXx

"Okay, I'm almost done…I just have to finish the pericardial repair." Annalise said.

Bella closed her eyes, and nodded. A hot tear escaped her closed eyes, and hit her husband's face.

"Shit…" Marcus growled, as Edward's heart rate went erratic. "V-fib!"

"Give me the internal paddles," Annalise quickly said.

"One of epi," Marcus said.

"Anya, you got it?" Annalise asked.

"Yeah," Anya said. "Charge fifty,"

"Clear!"

Bella moved her hands from Edward's head, and Annalise charged his heart.

"Epi going in," Marcus said, inserting the needle into Edward's heart.

"Charge to fifty," Annalise ordered.

"Damn it!" She shouted, when it hadn't worked the second time.

"No…" Bella shook her head, trying to fight tears.

Marcus and Annalise looked at each other in defeat.

"It doesn't look like…"

Before Annalise could finish, Edward's heart started going back to normal. Everyone sighed a huge sigh of relief. The monitor slowed down to normal, and everything was right.

"We got him," Marcus said, nearly laughing. "We got him," Underneath his mask was the biggest smile you could see on a man.

Bella nearly collapsed out of relief. Edward was going to be okay. But there was still more to worry about. Was Renesmee okay? Or was she already dead?

xXx

"We need to move her," Alice nearly ordered, walking into the OR Renesmee was in.

"Clearwater paged me. It's done. He's dead. And if we don't move her…" She fought back tears.

"Where are we taking her?" Avery asked, as the two of them wheeled Renesmee, still very critical, out of the OR.

"They have ambulances lined up outside. They have one on hold for her. She's going to Overlake, where she'll be kept in the ICU."

"Will…will she be okay?" Avery asked.

"How the hell should I know?" Alice shot at Avery. "You've been with her this whole time. You tell me."

"I don't know…" Avery said. "Aren't you supposed to die when you get shot in the stomach?"

"Yes." Alice answered, tears streaming down her face. "Come on. We need to move her, fast."

Dr. Avery and Alice ran out of the hospital, trying to get her to the ambulance sooner, as if it could increase her chances of survival.

"Is this the GSW?" A paramedic asked, running up to them.

"Yeah," Alice said quietly. "Fifty units of blood have been replaced. Dr. Hunt wants to finish her surgery. He'll contact Overlake when he can."

"I'll let them know." The paramedic said softly. "Anything else?"

"Will she…will she at least make it through the next few hours?"

"We don't know." The paramedic said bleakly.

A few other paramedics came, and they quickly, and carefully, moved Renesmee to a gurney, with the respirator and multiple IVs. Avery left, and Alice just stood in the dark morning, watching the lights of the ambulance leave. Praying that her niece would at least live for her parents to see her one last time.

xXx

_Three hours later…_

Bella finished packing up her things in the locker room. She set down her purse, and a small stick fell out of it. She picked up the pregnancy test, which still read 'Pregnant'. Before she could even cry, Annalise came into the room.

"Bella, Edward's asking for you."

"Have you heard anything about Renesmee?" Bella asked quietly.

"They moved her to Overlake. Marcus is on his way to do another surgery."

"_Another_?" Bella felt sick to her stomach.

"He needs to repair her stomach and pancreas, and reinforce the suture to her abdominal aorta,"

"Will she be okay?"

"We don't know. Marcus will meet you there. Alice, and the rest of the family is already over there."

"Okay,"

Annalise walked out of the room. Bella took the pregnancy test to the trash, and threw it away.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen…" Mrs. Berg said, as she ran into Bella.

"I thought you left." Bella said. "What are you still doing here?"

"At first, trying to stay away from Mr. Black," Mrs. Berg admitted. "Now I'm just waiting to hear on my students."

"Jacob's just fine," Bella said. "The bullet didn't hit anything major. He's in recovery right now."

"What about…?"

"She's at Overlake." Bella said quietly. "We don't know if she'll…"Tears cascade down Bella's cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Mrs. Berg murmured, placing her hand on Bella's shoulder. "I'll be praying for you guys."

Bella just shook her head. "I have to get going,"

Mrs. Berg nodded, and left. Bella walked into the recovery room where Edward was being held.

"Edward?" Bella smiled a little bit, leaning against the door frame of his room.

"Bella…"Edward smiled weakly.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so glad you're okay…" Bella was close to tears, as she ran to her husband's bedside. She grabbed a hold of his hand.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say hi to Renesmee," His voice sounded dry, and cracked.

"It's okay, it's okay," Bella smiled. "I'm just so happy you're okay."

"Is she…?"

"They moved her to Overlake. Marcus is on his way there, to finish her surgery. Everyone is already over there, waiting."

"You should go," Edward said. "Be there for both of us."

"Edward, I should…"

"Go." Edward winced, with the force of his voice. "I'll be fine. And I'm being moved there tomorrow."

"I'll call you when we hear anything." Bella kissed her husband, and left.

As Bella walked out of the hospital, she couldnt help but let the tears flow again. Her family was falling apart.


	18. Chapter 18 These Arms of Mine

**Chapter 18**

**These Arms of Mine**

"I'm Dr. Marcus…Hunt," Marcus panted. After nearly two hours of traffic between Seattle and Bellevue (Yes, two hours at nearly two in the morning!), he decided to park in a park-and-go about twenty minutes from Overlake and ran. Yes, ran. Renesmee only had a small window of time before she died.

And Marcus wasn't about to let his best friend's daughter die on his watch.

"I'm Renesmee Cullen's surgeon, from Swedish." He informed as he doubled over and continued panting.

"Oh, yes, of course," The nurse at the desk said. "let me just get Dr. Denali…" She picked up the phone, and dialed for Dr. Denali while giving Marcus a few concerned glances.

Soon, the nurse directed Marcus to a conference room, where Dr. Denali and a few others were waiting for him.

"You must be Dr. Hunt," The lead doctor said, standing up and holding out his hand. "I'm Eleazer Denali, lead trauma surgeon here at Overlake." The man informed him.

"Marcus Hunt," Marcus said quickly, shaking the other man's hand. "Lead trauma of Swedish." His tone was still breathless.

"These are the other surgeons that will be on Miss Cullen's surgery today." Eleazer turned to face the rest of the doctors. "My residents, Dr. Rebekah Guy, and Dr. Brooke Shaw. My wife, Dr. Carmen Denali, head of Gastroenterology, and our lead pediatric surgeon, Dr. Sulpicia Voltaire, as well as the lead cardiac surgeon, Dr. April Fioni." Eleazer pointed them all out. Hunt had to hold himself back from saying a snippy comment. He really didn't care for their names, he just needed them to be good.

"Yes, hello." Marcus nodded.

"Now, what have we got so far?" Eleazer asked, as everyone took a seat.

"We've replaced about fifty to sixty units of lost blood with blood and blood products, and repaired the aortic branch in her abdomen. We've wrapped her with a protective plastic layer, in place of closing her up, so we could easily get in, an make the repairs. How stable is she right now?" Hunt questioned anxiously.

"Still _very _critical, Dr. Hunt," Rebekah said gravely. "She's in a coma, and hooked up to everything we could fit into that room—respirators, IV drips, oxygen, and blood is being cycled through her body, since her heart is too weak to do it itself."

"Shit…" Marcus mumbled. He cradled his forehead in his hands, looking down at the table. After a few minutes, he wiped his hands down his face, and through his hair.

"This is going to be a difficult surgery," He informed. "We can do this. We just need a plan,"

xXx

"Marcus…" Bella trailed off, as the surgeon made his way to where the family was.

Everyone stood up as he entered the room.

"Where is she?" Alice questioned. "Is she okay?"

"I think it would be better if everyone was sitting down," Marcus tried to be calm about his speech, he didn't want to make this a huge upseting meeting.

"No…" Bella shook her head. "She can't be…no, no, no…"

"She isn't," Marcus assured. "Now, please, take a seat," Marcus grabbed a chair, and pulled it out, so that it was facing everyone. He sat down, and everyone followed him.

"Renesmee is _very_ critical at this point," He began soberly. "She's lost a lot of blood, and her heart is too weak to pump any, so they've hooked her up to a machine that will cycle the blood for her. She's still in a comatose state, and hooked up to a respirator. This surgery will be difficult, but if we get in there in time, I think we can save her."

"What's your plan?" Carlisle asked.

"We're doing a laparotomy to get in, and from there, we will repair the stomach and pancreas."

"What procedure?"

"There's already a vertical incision made from the sternum to the pubis. We will explore the area, and try to do a pelvic washing, to make sure the remaining food particles have been completely washed out. Then we will repair the stomach and pancreas, trying to salvage as much of the organs as we can, depending on how bad the damage is. She'll need a feeding tube for the next few weeks while she heals. We will also be keeping her in a medically induced coma, so we can send her back to Swedish, where she will be in the ICU until she is stable." Marcus informed.

"Have you ever done this procedure?" Carlisle questioned gravely.

"Not to this extent, no." Marcus answered honestly. "I don't know how long this will take, and I don't know how her heart is going to react to this stress. We will have to face the possibility that she might not make it through the surgery."

The room is instantly somber. No one says a word. Bella rests her head in her hands, and silently cries.

"I'll let you know." Marcus murmurs quietly, getting up from his seat, and walking out of the room.

xXx

_Jacob_

He's dead.

Really dead.

He killed himself.

Shot himself right in the head.

My father.

Dead.

I don't know what to think when Dr. Clearwater tells me this. I'm not angry. I'm not sad. I'm not happy. I'm not anything.

I'm numb.

I wasn't close to Billy…maybe if Mom hadn't died, it would be different. If Mom was alive, and Billy died, maybe I'd be feeling something. Then again, if Mom were alive, this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't be sitting in this hospital bed, waiting to hear if Renesmee had died, hearing the news that my father killed himself.

I heard that Billy had shot Edward. I wanted to kill him for killing her. For killing Edward. I guess I had gotten my wish, because now he's dead, and Edward's alive.

_Be careful what you wish for_ I thought. _What a load of crap._

I didn't wish for this to happen. I didn't wish for my girlfriend to get shot. I didn't wish her dead. So why is she?

Why is she dying on an OR table?

And why am I not with her? Holding her cold hand for the last time? Giving her one last kiss? I'd never thought that that last kiss would have been our last.

"Where is she?" I asked, when a nurse came in to check on me. "Where is Renesmee Cullen?"

The nurse sucks in her breath, as if saying "Do you really want to know?"

"Where is she?" I demanded.

"They've moved her to Overlake," The nurse told me quietly.

"She's still alive?" I asked, hope filling my thoughts.

"Not for very long." The nurse said. "She's _exceedingly _grave right now…they don't think she'll make it through the surgery."

"No…" I shook my head. "No…oh, God, she can't die…" I close my eyes, and hot tears sting my eyes, as they make their escape. "No…no, no, no…"

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I need to see her."

The nurse is taken aback. "I'm sorry…?"

"I need to see her." I growl, trying to keep my voice even. "Please."

"I…"

"Just…please. I need to be there."

"Let me ask the attending…" The nurse leaves.

Soon, she comes back with the doctor, one I can't remember the name to.

"Do you really want to go over there?" The doctor asked.

"I don't want to…I _need _to." I argue.

"Well…" she looked worried. "I'm sure you can, but I don't know…"

"I can take him," Mrs. Berg said, walking in the room.

"Well, then, if you could just sign the release forms…" The doctor led Mrs. Berg outside, so she could sign the discharge papers.

_God…_I start praying again. _Please. She doesn't deserve this. She's done nothing wrong. Please don't take her from me. I'm begging you. I'll go to church, I'll do anything you want, just…please. I'll show what I can be, if you just let her live._

_Please. She's falling. And I'm not sure how much longer she'll last._

"Jacob?" Mrs. Berg offers. "They gave me these, for you to change into. When you're done, we can go,"

"Thanks," I nodded, taking the clothes. She walks out of the room, and I got dressed.

We left Swedish shortly after. The majority of the ride is silent; Mrs. Berg grips the wheel as if her life depended on it, her knuckles white with tension.

"Are, uh, you okay?"

"Yeah…I'm fine."

I nod, and look out the window. "Yeah."

xXx

"Okay let's get this done," Eleazer said, as everyone in the room started rushing to get the surgery started.

"Wait," Dr. Shaw said, looking at Renesmee's face. "Her anesthesia's too light,"

"I can fix that," The anesthesiologist said getting another round of the general anesthesia ready.

"Damn it, Bailey," Sulpicia growled. "We're on a run, here."

"Wait," Marcus instructed, raising his hands, as everyone around him was rushing to get things done.

"Everyone, stop what you are doing." He commanded more forcefully. Quickly, everyone stopped, and the anesthesiologist gave Renesmee another round of the anesthesia.

"Stop what you are doing, take a breath, and center yourself. There's no room for rushing. We rush, we make a mistake, and we kill her. So, everybody…take a breath."

Everyone took a breath, and calmed down. The prep work was complete, and the lead surgeons, Marcus and Eleazer, unwrapped the protective covering from her body, and everyone sucked in their breath as they looked at the damage.

The damage to her stomach and pancreas was extensive. The bullet had ripped right through each organ, leaving gaping wounds with ragged edges. This was going to be more difficult than the surgeons had expected, by they weren't going to give up on saving this young woman's life.

"Damn it…" Marcus muttered.

"We can do this," Eleazer tried to be optimistic.

"I know…I just wanted it to be a little easier." Marcus sighed, as they inspected the injuries.

"Give me suction," Carmen requested. "There's blood pooling around the abdominal cavity,"

"Do you know where the blood's coming from?" Marcus asked.

"No…" Carmen asked. "You know what? I can't see a _damn _thing."

"I see something…" Eleazer said. "I've located the bleeder," He sucks in his breath.

"What is it?" Dr. Voltaire asked.

"She's bleeding from her liver. There's a small tear in the upper part…" Eleazer moved a little so he could get a better look. "And there appears to be bullet fragments laced into the tissue."

"Damn it…" Marcus muttered. "Guy, get suction on this. I'm making the repair."

"Got it," Rebekah said as she placed the suction near the bleeder. Hunt skillfully took out the bullet fragments without doing major damage to the liver. The tear got slightly bigger, however, and the bleeding became heavier.

"Heart rates plummeting," Dr. Fioni noted urgently. "Stop that bleeder, or her chest's opening." She warned.

"I need some more lap pads, here!" Carmen growled.

"Got it." Shaw said as she packed around the organs to control the bleeding.

"She's losing blood!" Voltaire informed.

"Guy, call the blood bank and tell them to have fifty units ready." Hunt barked the order.

"More pads," Carmen said. "I've got bleeders everywhere."

"Okay, let's get control of the liver lac before she gets any more unstable." Eleazer told them loudly.

"Body temps dropped 32 degrees." Bailey said. "She's getting hypothermic."

"Her pressure's dropping," Fioni said. "There's not much more her heart can take."

"She's not clotting well." Carmen stated.

"If we don't get her packed and this lac sutured, she'll bleed out."

"Everyone, calm down!" Eleazer growled. "Guy, Shaw, update her family. There are too many people in here."

Rebekah and Brooke left the OR, and the rest went back to their work.

"Hand me the staple." Marcus ordered. He was handed the stapler, and addressed the lac to her liver.

"We need to pack and close, or she'll bleed to death." Voltaire told them.

"Okay, let's get ready for a temporary close, and let's see if she lives for the next 24 hours. If she does, we'll go back." Eleazer said.

"I want a doctor with her at all time." Marcus said.

"I'll keep watch," Voltaire offered, glancing sadly at the young girl.

xXx

"What do you mean, you had to close up?" Bella asked hysterically.

"She was bleeding too much, and not clotting. She would have bleed to death if we didn't close. We're placing her in the ICU, and keeping a close observation on her for the next 24 hours. If she lives, we're going to go back in and finish the repairs." Eleazer explained.

"How good are her chances of surviving the next day?" Emmett asked.

"With her wounds…the prognosis is not good. We're going to do everything in our power to keep her breathing, but I will be blunt about this. We do have to face the likelihood that her heart will stop beating."

The room was somber. Eleazer let out a quiet "I'm sorry,' and left. Bella let out a sob. She buried her face in her hands, and Alice wrapped an arm over her sister-in-law.

"I already lost one baby today I _can't _lose her."

"She'll be okay. She'll get through this. We'll get through this." Alice told her, hoping it would give some hope.

Even if she knew those chances were slim.

xXx

Alice walked into the ICU room where Renesmee was being held. "What's her status?"

"She's stable…for now," Dr. Voltaire sighed. "Her heart's still very weak, and we've kept her under the coma, to reduce risk of anything. She's getting another thirty units to replace the blood lost from surgery. We're not sure if she'll make it through the next twenty hours."

"Can't you do a laparoscopy to repair the damage?" Alice asked. "It can reduce the blood loss, and it's safer, a better chance at her survival."

"The damage is too extensive." Sulpicia argued. "Too many bleeders."

"Dr. Hale," Marcus greeted, walking into the room. "You can't be in here."

"I can't at least have one last look at my niece?" Alice asked. "She's _dying_, Marcus. I should be able to have one last goodbye."

"She's not dying." Marcus growled. "And you cannot interfere with her surgery, inside or outside the O.R."

Alice glanced at her comatose niece, and left the room. Marcus followed behind her. After they left, and the door was closed, they burst out into an argument.

Sulpicia sighed, and looked down at the young girl.

"Oh, sweetie," She sighed brokenly. "Don't worry. We got this. The attendants, we are all going to meet, and we are going to come up with a plan. I promise you, we're going to come up with a plan, and we're going to figure out what to do. It's going to be all right. You're going to be okay."

xXx

"She has a hole in her heart; she needs bypass to fix it, and she needs it _now_." April said angrily.

"Bypass would mean a lot of heparin; it's a setup for a re-bleed." Carmen argued back.

"The hypothermia is going to kill her, we need to start bringing her temperature up!" Sulpicia shrieked.

"Traumatic V.S.D.'s can close on there own!" Marcus fought right back.

"Which is why we should wait to get her heart." Eleazer said calmly.

"She's not stable enough to wait!" April shouted.

"No, damage control…" Marcus trailed off. "This is Renesmee, okay? She's my best friend's daughter and we are going to do everything we can to save her life."

Everyone started talking at once, trying to get their own points across.

"Look, yelling at each other is not…" Eleazer sighed. No one listened to him, and continued to argue even farther.

Marcus stepped out of the fight, and looked around the room at the arguing attending.

"Everybody, _calm down_!" Marcus barked the order.

Everyone stopped what they were doing in surprise, and looked at Marcus.

"We need to calm the hell down," Marcus said. "Or we'll kill her. We need to_calmly think_ of a plan. Before we can come up with the plan, we need to know what we need to fix. Okay?"

Everyone nodded, and Marcus looked at April. "Now, you said something about her heart?"

"Thank you," April nodded. "Her heart has developed a small hole, which would explain why her heart has become so weak in a short amount of time. Her heart will stop beating if the hole is not taken care of right away. We need to start her on bypass within the next hour."

"Bypass requires the use of a lot of heparin. She'll be setup for a re-bleed if we do a bypass." Carmen told them

"She'll _die _if we don't!" April argued.

"Traumatic V.S.D.'s close on their own!" Eleazer shouted back.

"Everyone, _shut up!_" Marcus ordered. "We need to stop the arguing, or we'll never get this done. Yes, she does present with a hole in her heart. But we cannot risk a re-bleed. Let's watch it, and see if it closes on its own, while we address the other injuries."

April nodded. "Fine," She said. "But the second her heart starts failing, I'm taking over,"

"What other problems does she present with?" Marcus asked.

"Extensive damage to the pancreas and stomach. I want to salvage as much as we can. To fix them, we're going to need staples, and lots of them. After we wash out the abdomen, we can pack the pancreas, and staple the stomach back together, and vise versa. She will need a few follow-up procedures, granted if she survives this." Carmen said.

"Okay, great," Marcus nodded. "We have a plan working together. After we fix the pancreas and stomach, Dr. Fioni will place her on the bypass, and fix the VSD, if it hasn't already fixed itself. If, at any point, the bypass is needed during the surgery, Dr. Fioni will perform the bypass,"

Everyone agreed, and walked out of the room, leaving Eleazer and Marcus.

"Nice handle on things, Hunt." Eleazer complimented.

"Being the chief has its upsides." Marcus said tiredly.

"Do you want to tell her family the plan?" Eleazer asked.

"I probably should," Marcus said, getting up from where he was sitting. "See you tomorrow," He nodded towards the doctor, and headed out of the room.


	19. Chapter 19 These Arms of Mine: Part 2

**Chapter 19**

**These Arms of Mine**

**Part 2**

"Renesmee…" Bella gasped, taking a look at her daughter, so still on the bed. So pale, so cold.

Bella ran up to her daughter's bed, pulled up a chair, sitting down next to the bed. She grasped a hold of her cold hand, and tried not to cry.

"Oh, sweetie…" She shook her head. Her eyes grazed over her daughter's still body.

Edward came into the room; his IV rack following closely behind him. He went over to the other side of his daughter's bed, and lightly placed his fingers over his daughter's hand.

"She's so cold, Edward." Bella cried, tears sliding down her face. "She's not going to make it...is she?"

"She's made it this far…" Edward trailed off, not taking his eyes off of Renesmee.

"Renesmee," Bella whispered quietly, talking to her daughter. "I love you so much. Don't ever forget it. I wish that I could have gotten to see you graduate, and off to college, maybe even get married and have kids. But now…now you're being taken away from us…." Bella's voice broke, and she stopped talking.

"I love you," Edward said, closing his eyes. "I need you to stay strong. Just…can you live? Can you live for us? Please, just…live. For everyone. We all love you so much. We can't stand to lose you."

Bella dropped her head and wiped away tears. Slowly, Renesmee's hand moved under Bella's. Just a twitch, mind you, but it moved. Bella smiled through her tears, and held on to her daughter's hand.

"Stay strong. Make it, please." She pleaded.

All of a sudden, Renesmee's heart monitor went erratic. Several doctors came rushing into the area, including Eleazer and Marcus.

"What happened?" Eleazer asked, as he pulled up his stethoscope.

"Her pressure's bottoming out." Bella said calmly, but still sounding scared.

"Belly's tight as a drum." Carmen muttered.

"Flash pulmonary edema," Marcus ordered. "her lungs are full of fluid."

"Abdominal compartment syndrome, she's bleeding out." Carmen said in a rushed voice.

"Bella, call an O.R. and tell them we're on our way out!"

Bella rushed to the phone outside of the ICU room, and the doctors raced Renesmee down to the closet one. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, as they raced down.

Edward got out of the chair, and raced down with them, coming to a stop when they went through the doors to the O.R. strip. He watched as they went down the hall, and around the corner, feeling as helpless as ever.

"Live. Please." He cried, silently praying. He turned around, and headed towards the O.R. gallery. If he couldn't be part of the surgery, he would at least watch it.

He found Bella crying in one of the seats, as he entered the room.

"Bells," He said quietly, sitting in the chair beside his wife. "It will be okay. Marcus is the best. He can save her."

"What if he doesn't?" Bella asked, her voice muffled by tears. "She's _dying,_Edward."

Edward placed his arm around Bella's shoulders. "She's made it this far. Who's to say she won't make it now?"

"Because the universe is screwed up, and random, and mean," Bella started. "I was pregnant. I found out yesterday, and I was going to tell you and Renesmee today. But then she got shot, and now she's dying. Then you almost died in front of me. I thought that you had died. But, by some miracle, you're alive, but she's dying. I had a miscarriage. I mean, what the _hell_is going on?" Bella sobs.

"Why the hell would the universe do this to me? To us? Is there a reason why the universe says, "here you go, Bella, you're pregnant, and you have a great daughter and husband,' and then threaten to take it all away from me? If you could give me a reason…any reason at all why the universe is so _screwed up, random, and mean_," She wipes her eyes, and takes in a breath, "now would be a great time to tell me, because I really need some answers."

Edward pulled his wife into his light embrace, her head resting on his shoulder.

"If the universe supplies one miracle, I'm sure that it will supply another. I promise you, that everything will be alright. She will be okay."

"We should pray," Bella said, lifting her head off of her husband's chest after a few minutes. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I mean…there has to be a God, if you're still here, right? Because I prayed, after I left, just because Anya offered, and it worked. So…she'd want us to pray, right?"

"I haven't stopped since yesterday," Edward admitted.

Bella closed her eyes, and grabbed hold of Edward's hand, silently praying.

xXx

The surgeons quickly prepped for surgery, as the scrub nurses prepped the room. Soon, Renesmee came into the room, and quickly, the nurses prepped her as well. Still, it seemed to go in slow motion, as they lifted her from her bed, and onto the O.R. table.

The anesthesiologist switched her oxygen tube for one that supplied the anesthetic, and soon, she was prepped and ready.

"Definitely got some new bleeding." Marcus said as they opened up.

"Remove the abdominal packs carefully," Sulpicia instructed. "they may be stuck…irrigation."

"I'm starting to cannulate," Fioni said.

"Slowly push the heparin," She instructed.

"Get me more lap pads. Got a lot of bleeding down here." Sulpicia said.

"Got it," Fioni informed, smiling. So far, everything seemed to be going good. She stepped away, but kept a good eye on the heart monitor.

The other surgeons were nearly elbow-deep in Renesmee's abdominal cavity, trying to stop the bleeding, so they could repair the stomach and pancreas.

"Still got some active bleeding coming from somewhere," Marcus shook his head.

"Well, then let's re-check the retroperitoneum." Carmen snapped.

"Clamp. Give me a tie, please." Marcus ordered

"Turn on the doppler." Fioni informed. The machine was turned on, and revealed an ultrasonic view of her heart.

"Minimal residual V.S.D flow." Sulpicia updated them.

"Good, then we're done here." Fioni said. "I'm pulling out."

"I've got a lumbar vein avulsed in the vena cava. Two allis clamps."

"Idioventrical rhythm." Sulpicia said, as the monitor started beeping erratically.

Everyone looked up in shock, and then started rushing to bring it back down.

"Pressure's down 55 systolic." Eleazer warned.

"Push one of atropine." Marcus said.

"C.V.P. and pulmonary artery pressures just went up." The anesthesiologist said.

"It might be an air embolus." Fioni offered.

"Pull back on the P.A. catheter." Sulpicia suggested.

"Hang more F.F.P. and factor VII." Marcus told them angrily.

"We're losing her!" Eleazer shouted, as the heart monitor slowed to a long drawing tone.

The anesthesiologist muttered a curse word, "We've already replaced her entire blood volume!" The anesthesiologist said.

"Starting cardiac massage." Fioni informed, placing her hand in Renesmee's chest.

"Push one of epi." Sulpicia said.

"Find whatever's bleeding, and shut it down!" Carmen growled.

"How about an amp of bicarb?" Eleazer asked tentatively.

Marcus shook his head, "Push three of epi and another atropine."

Sulpicia swallowed tightly, "We have a minute to get her heart rate back up." She warned

"Come on, come on." Fioni muttered to herself angrily, as she pumped Renesmee's heart.

"There it is," Eleazer said, as the monitor started beeping again. "Cullen's coming back." He grined.

"Systolic 70 and rising," Marcus happily told them. "Got it, bleeding's controlled."

Sulpicia smiled to herself, "I need another 2.0 vicryl, I'm almost done." Sulpicia said.

"Renesmee's heart is strong." Fioni told them. She looked up, and saw Edward and Bella watching.

"I'm going to check on the parents," She said, taking off her gloves and walking to the scrub room.

"Let's wash out the cavity, and get to repairing the stomach." Marcus beamed, they did it.

Sulpicia grabbed the tube from the scrub nurse, and they washed out the abdominal cavity, carefully going over the injuries.

"Pack around the pancreas," Carmen said. A scrub nurse handed her the lap pads, and she packed around the organ.

Marcus and Eleazer were able to salvage the stomach, stapling and sewing the stomach closed. They put a protective tape over the sutures, and then moved to the pancreas, packing around the stomach. They stapled the incision closed, and finished the surgery, placing a feeding tube into her stomach through her nose.

Renesmee had made it.

xXx

"We've done all that we can," Marcus told them, as Bella and Edward looked through the door of the ICU room Renesmee was in. "She'll be in the coma for a week—then we'll take her off the medicine, and we'll have to wait for her to wake up."

"Thank you," Bella cried, her voice cracking, as she tried to hold back tears. "Thank you so much."

"Thank the rest of the team; they really did most of the work."

Bella nodded, and grabbed onto her husband's hand. Marcus slipped down the hall. After he was out of earshot, Bella burst out into tears.

"Yesterday, I found out that I was pregnant," She said calmly though her tears, repeating what she had said earlier.

Edward looked at her, and tried to say something, but Bella continued.

"I was going to tell you, and Renesmee today. But then she got shot, and you got shot…" Her voice broke. "And then I had a miscarriage. And then Renesmee almost died…I mean, what the _hell_is going on?" She asked, her voice muffled by tears. "Why the hell is the universe doing this? I mean, is there a reason? If you could give me a reason, any reason at all, why the universe is so random, and mean, and screwed up, now would be an amazingly good time to tell me, because I really need some answers.

Edward didn't say anything. Instead, he pulled his wife into an embrace, and she sobbed into his shoulder.

"It's okay," he said after a few minutes. "Everything will be okay. I promise you."


	20. Chapter 20 With You, I'm Born Again

**Chapter 20**

**With You, I'm Born Again**

_Every cell in the human body regenerates on average every seven years. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we're brand new people. We may look the same, we probably do, the change isn't visible, at least, in most of us, we're completely changed forever. _

~Meredith Grey, _Grey's Anatomy_

xXx

"You're going to be okay," Bella told her comatose daughter. She stroked her daughter's hand lightly, and smiled.

"Everything's going to be. You, your father, and me? We're going to be okay. We're strong. We have that in common. I'm very glad that you two are here. The universe may have been trying to screw with me two weeks ago, but everything's going to be okay." Bella told her daughter, even though she knew the words were just for her own benefit. She needed that reassurance.

It had been merely fourteen days since the shooting. Renesmee had been moved, and everything was going all right, except for the fact that she still hadn't wakened up yet. Bella and Edward kept optimistic since she had survived. Edward was doing great—he had been released five days ago, and was just about to go back to work. Everything was going to be okay.

News crews have been coming in and out of Swedish since it re-opened five days ago, trying to get interviews about the shooting, especially from Bella and Edward, since Edward was the main reason for the shooting, and since Renesmee had been shot on Garfield High campus. They didn't like one bit of it, but there was nothing nobody could do.

"Bella, Henry wants to talk to you," Alice said, walking into the room.

"I don't need to talk to him, I'm fine." Bella said. "There's nothing to discuss with him,"

"Just because you don't like him…" Alice said.

"He's an ass," Bella said.

"If you want to be cleared for surgery, you're going to have to talk to him."

"I know," Bella stood up. "I just don't want to leave her." She cast a look at her daughter.

"I can stay with her," Alice offered sadly.

"Thanks," Bella walked out of the room, and down the hall into the room where the counselor was.

"Dr. Cullen," Henry nodded, as Bella walked in the room. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Bella said, sitting down across from him.

"How's your daughter?"

"Renesmee's fine. Doing better every day."

"That's great news. And how about your husband?"

"Edward's doing great," Bella informed,

"How have you been doing in the aftershock of the shooting?"

"Did you know that every cell in the human body regenerates on average, every seven years?" She asked him,

"I did not," Henry said.

"They do. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we're brand new people. We may look the same, and we probably do, the change isn't visible, at least, in most of us. But we're all changed completely, forever. But, that's normal. I mean, it's a biological imperative change. So, the shooting changed me, I'm changed. My husband and daughter are changed. But I'm also ready to be going back to work. As ready as any of us are. Sitting around, watching Renesmee, waiting for her to wake up, I just spend my time worrying." Bella trailed off, quietly.

"She almost died, alongside your husband. That's a lot to worry about." Henry commented,

"I'm worried about my daughter, and her boyfriend. Jacob. His father's the one who…shot them. I mean, I just don't get it. His parents, Edward, and I were best friends, and then his mother put her head through a windshield, and she went into cardiac arrest twice, before slipping into a coma and being unplugged. Edward was her surgeon, and he sued him, even though we were friends, and he knew that Edward wouldn't dare do anything to Sarah. Well, the case didn't make it to court, and he distanced himself from us…then, my daughter and his son, Jacob, started dating without knowing about what happened…then they found out, and then he found out that they were dating, and he shot her, and then Edward…" Bella had tears running down her face, it wasn't fair.

"I just don't know anymore." She finished, she wiped her face quickly.

"You watched your husband get shot," Henry said. "You saw your daughter code on the OR table," Henry told her.

"He's fine, now, he's going back to work today, in fact," Bella looked down, and her mind returned to that night, the moment he got shot. She pushed the memory aside, and looked back at Henry.

"We're all fine," She insisted. Her mind flashed the moment Renesmee went into Abdominal Compartment Syndrome.

She looked Henry in the eye, and smiled partially, trying to get him to believe that she was okay.

Henry raised his eyebrows, but before he could say anything, Bella's pager went off. It was Alice. Bella took in a breath.

"Is everything okay, Dr. Cullen?" Henry asked, his eyebrows still raised in question.

"Uh…yeah. I'm fine. I have to get going," Bella smiled, and nodded at Henry, and left.

As soon as the door was closed behind her, and she was a safe distance away from Henry, Bella ran as fast as she could to Renesmee's room.

"What is it?" Bella asked, as she made it into the room.

"She's waking up," Alice said, smiling. "Or just responding…I'm not quite sure yet, but I was talking to her, and I put my hand over hers, and she grabbed onto it."

Bella's knees nearly collapsed with joy. "You're joking," she cried.

Alice shook her head. "See for yourself," Her face held nothing but joy.

Bella sat down in the chair next to her daughter's bed. "Renesmee?" She asked, placing her hand under her daughter's.

"Renesmee, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand," She looked into her daughter's face.

Renesmee's hand grasped her mother's, and held on for only a minute, before releasing it. Bella nearly cried out of her joy—Renesmee was responding.

Bella's pager went off again. She looked down, and sighed.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"Edward," Bella said, getting up from the chair, grabbing her coat. "Can you stay with her? I don't want to leave her alone."

"Of course," Alice smiled. She gave Bella a quick hug, and Bella left.

xXx

"Well, let's just watch it, and if it starts swelling, changing colors, or if any puss starts leaking, I would recommend you go to the ER." Edward said, examining the arm of one of the men in the cell.

"Dr. Cullen," A cop said. Edward turned around, and found his wife next to the watchman of the holding cell. Bella did not look happy.

"Your lady looks pissed," The man said, laughing.

"Again, Edward?" Bella asked, sounding exasperated. She couldn't believe Edward would try speeding again. This was his third time since he was discharged that he was imprisoned for reckless driving.

Edward smiled, raising his eyebrows. He looked proud that he had done this.

"Well, come on, then," The cop said, opening the cell. "And I don't want to see you here a fourth time."

Edward picked up his coat, and walked out of the cell, meeting his wife.

"I can't believe you, Edward," Bella growled, once they got to the car. "This is the third time, Edward. You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Well, I didn't," Edward interluded proudly. "I may be driving over the limit, but I'm not putting myself, or anyone else in any danger."

"Really, Edward?" Bella asked, annoyed at her husband.

Edward didn't say anything.

"I am _not _losing you, Edward," Bella gripped the wheel, her hands turning white. "Didn't you see how upset I was, just two weeks ago? I almost lost you, Edward. We are not losing you again. I can't deal with that."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Edward said, raising his hands. "I promise I won't speed, okay?"

"Thank you," Bella let out a sigh.

"How's Renesmee?"

"She's doing great," Bella smiled. "She's starting to respond. Hopefully she'll wake up by the end of this week,"

"That's wonderful!" Edward exclaimed. He was overjoyed that his daughter would live, that she had survived the gunshot. She had been so close to death, just five days ago. And now, she would be able to live her life.

He could already see how her life would play out, knowing who would be by her side the entire way. A twitch of a smile graced his face, he scratched his stubble. He knew Jacob would be with his little girl, and that fact couldn't please him anymore then it already did.

xXx

"Next time, I will leave you there," Bella informed heavily, as the elevator reached the lobby. Edward and Bella were still arguing about the driving incidents.

"You said that already," Edward sighed.

"Edward got arrested, again!" Bella growled, as Alice walked by. "Reckless endangerment."

"Oh, please…" Edward tailed off.

"Did they take his license away yet?"

"No, because they don't charge him. They worship him."

"I've saved their lives," Edward argued.

"Mom is not going to be happy," Alice told her brother, checking over the charts she was carrying.

"Can we change the subject?" Edward whined.

"Well, I still haven't been cleared for surgery," Bella said. "Henry's an ass. He's cleared everybody except for me,"

"Marcus is the chief. Talk to him and I'm sure he can override Henry." Alice said.

"He would do that?" Bella asked, surprised.

"I'm sure he would," Edward said.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen, thank God you're back," Anya said, as she walked past Edward. She started walking with the group.

"I have a stab wound to the chest coming out as critical…here's his scans," She handed the CT scans to Edward.

"You got cleared for surgery?" Bella asked, sounding shocked.

"Uh…yeah," Anya said, looking confused.

"See what I mean?" Bella growled, annoyed.

The group walked into the lobby, and was met with hundreds of claps. The group surrounded Edward and Bella.

"Hey, yes, good morning, thank you very much." Edward said. He and Bella walked up to the stairs, and the clapping died down.

"Yes, thank you very much," Edward placed his arms around his wife's waist. "I'd like to thank Dr. Hunt for not only saving my life, and the life of my daughter, but for also covering for me during my recovery. I would like to thank all of you for your support in my daughter's and my recovery…"

Everyone clapped again, and Edward looked down at the scans he was holding.

"I have to go look at this patient…" Edward said in a rushed voice. "So, again, thank you, and everyone have a good day."

Edward rushed down the stairs, grabbing Anya and another doctor.

xXx

"Marcus," Bella smiled, walking into his office.

"Bella," Marcus greeted. "How's Renesmee doing?"

"She's responding." Bella said happily.

"That's great," Marcus agreed. "So what did you come in here for?"

"Well, that stupid counselor, Henry, won't clear me for surgery, and…"

"No,"

"But, he cleared…"

"No. I'm sorry, but we brought in the best and if he says that you aren't ready, then you aren't ready, and it's him you need to be talking too."

Bella looked as if she was about to say something, but instead, walked out of the room. Her fists clenched.

She headed back to her daughter's room. Edward, and Renesmee's new doctor, Dr. Torres.

"How is she doing?" Bella asked, walking into the room. Hiding her anger easily.

"She's responding very well," Dr. Torres smiled. "She should be coming out of the coma fairly soon, from the looks of things,"

Dr. Torres walked out of the room. She turned around, and looked at the family.

"You're very lucky she's alive. Someone up there must really want to keep her alive for longer than 18 years. I'm very happy that you all are okay," She smiled, and left the family.

"I thought you had a stab wound?" Bella asked, walking up to her husband. She placed her hands on his shoulders.

"He coded, and we couldn't bring him back." Edward said, not taking his eyes of Renesmee.

"I'm sorry," Bella wrapped her arms around Edward's neck, and placed her head on his shoulder, giving him a small kiss.

"I just want her to wake up," Edward said after a few minutes.

"She will, Edward." Bella told him, straitening up, keeping her hands on her husband's shoulders.

"She will." She repeated more to herself.


	21. Chapter 21 It's A Long Road Back

**Chapter 21**

**It's A Long Road Back**

_After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So, you're suddenly surrounded by people. Doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians. Surgery is a team sport. Everyone is pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again. Recovery is not a team sport. It's a solitary distance run. It's long, it's exhausting, and it's lonely as Hell._

~Meredith Grey.

xXx

Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…

"Renesmee…" Jacob's voice fills my head. "Please, wake up. Please. We miss you. I miss you. Alex is freaking out about you. Everyone is, I guess…and Mr. Brown? Man...he's different. I guess it's because he held his hands over your stomach when you were bleeding out…"

He takes a shaky breath. "My dad's funeral was yesterday. Rebecca and Rachael are in Seattle, and I'm staying with Rebecca and her husband at the Hilton for another week, until I can get an apartment. Did you know that I'm an uncle?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah…she's not even a month old yet. They named her 'Sarah', after our mom. She looks just like her, too. I can't wait for you to see her."

My mouth twitches, a smile faint on my lips.

"Renesmee?" He asked, sounding excited. "Nessie, are you…?"

"Hi," I whisper, my eyes opening slightly.

"Oh, God, Nessie…" He smiles. "You're okay." He takes my hand, and brings it to his face. Though my vision was slightly blurred, I could see tears coming from his eyes.

"Oh, God, you're okay…" He kisses my hand.

"Miss Cullen," A doctor walked into the room, smiling. "I'm glad to see you're awake. I'm Dr. Torres, the doctor whose been looking after you since you were moved back."

"Where are…?"

"Your parents?" Dr. Torres finishes for me. "I just paged them, as well as your aunt. They should be here soon. While we wait, I would like to do a workup," She walked up to the other side of my bed.

"Follow the light," She said, flashing a small stream of light into my eyes.

"Great…" She murmured, putting the tool back in her pocket. "Can you follow my finger?" She held up a finger, and I followed it with my eyes.

"If I got shot in my stomach, why are you testing my neuro function?"

"You've been in a coma for almost three weeks. I'm just checking to make sure it didn't have any effect on your brain."

"Three weeks?" I squeaked out,

"You were induced in a coma to let your injuries heal better, so you wouldn't code again. The coma lasted longer than we expected." She pushed back the blanket, and checked under my gown.

"Your incisions are healing very nicely." She tucked my gown under the blanket, and then checked the one I had on my chest.

Before I could say anything, Mom, Dad, and Alice came into the room.

"Oh, my God, you're awake," Mom said, tears running down her face. "You're okay,"

She comes up to me, and gives me a kiss on my cheek.

"Dad?" I asked, taking a look at my father. He looked different from last I remember. Everyone did…but, Dad especially. His skin was slightly paler than it had been, and he looked tired, more than he usually did.

Everyone looked different. Mom looked like she had been crying a lot, and the three of them looked like they had just finished going through Hell.

"What happened?" I asked weakly.

Everyone looked around at each other.

"I have another patient I need to check on…" Dr. Torres said, walking out of the room.

"Uh, yeah, I told Rebecca that I'd watch Sarah tonight, I should probably get going…" Jake stumbled out of his chair, and left.

"What the hell is going on?" I'm confused. Why was everyone acting so strange?

"I mean, you all look like you've been through Hell, and Jake mentioned something about his father's funeral? Dr. Torres said that I had been 'moved back?' What the hell is going on?"

Mom pulled up a chair, and Dad and Alice sat on the other side of the room.

"Well, Renesmee, when you got shot, the bullet tore through your stomach and pancreas, and tore a hole in your liver, where it was found. You lost nearly fifty units of blood that night…and during your first surgery, we found out who shot you, and that he was running through the hospital, shooting doctors, looking for your father, for revenge."

Mom closed her eyes, and took in a deep breath. "He found him, and shot him in the chest. The bullet barely missed his heart. His heart stopped. But, by some miracle, it began beating again. Then…I had a miscarriage."

"You were pregnant?" I raised my eyebrows.

"I was…" Mom looks down. She recollects herself, and continues.

"The gunman shot himself afterwards. In the same room where Sarah was unplugged twelve years ago."

Things start clicking in my mind, as I'm making the connections. Jake's father died. The gunman shot himself in the same room where Sarah was unplugged twelve years ago. He was looking for my father for revenge.

"Jake's dad, shot Dad and I?"

Mom looked down. I try to peer over everyone, where Jake had just left. His dad was the shooter? His _dad?_

"He was still deep in grief about the loss of his wife, and was still very angry with me. He thought that it would make him feel better by trying to shot me, and apparently, you." Dad said sadly

"The hospital was closed for a week afterwards, for the police investigations. Right after we got word that Billy had shot himself, we moved you to Overlake, where the rest of your surgeries took place." Alice told me quietly.

"Surgeries?" I asked. "As in, more than one?" I felt my eyes nearly bugging out of my head.

"As soon as you got to Overlake, Dr. Hunt met up with a team of surgeons at Overlake, and they went to work trying to save you. At that point, no one thought you were going to make it into the next five minutes. Your heart was weak due to a traumatic VSD, so you were hooked up to a machine that acted as your heart. During the first surgery at Overlake, you lost even more blood, and they had to stop the surgery, or you would have died," Mom said, after re-gaining her composure.

"They were going to try again after twenty-four hours, but after only five, your heart rate plummeted, your BP bottomed out, and you went into abdominal compartment syndrome. Your father and I couldn't help but watch the surgery, and your heart just…stopped. You coded. You were put on bypass to fix the hole, and after five minutes, you came back." Mom had tears in her eyes.

I was in tears as well. I actually died, yet, here I am right now, almost three weeks later, and I'm alive, and breathing. And Dad died as well, yet here he was, alive, breathing, he was okay. I was grateful that the last words I had spoken to him before this happened was 'Daddy, love you more,' instead of something else.

And Mom…she was pregnant. Really and truly pregnant. But she lost the baby…she looks like she's okay, but she's falling apart on the inside, after nearly losing Dad and I, and then losing the baby. I

I just don't know what to think right now. This is just all too much. I mean, what the_ hell_?

"Dad?" I ask quietly, after a few minuets.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I looked over at him. "I know that I tell you that every day, but I really love you. I mean it. I love you all…and I'm really glad that I'm able to be here with you guys." I look around the room at my aunt and parents.

"We are, too." Mom said. She sat on the edge of my bed, and grabbed a hold of my hand.

xXx

_One week later…_

"When can I leave?" I asked Dr. Hunt, as he did another checkup.

"Not for another four or five days, at least," He said, applying a clean dressing to my abdominal suture.

"I want to make sure everything is healing, like it's supposed to be. You need to be able to actually eat solid foods, and get off the feeding tube, as well as a few other things. You're scheduled for a laparoscopy, to check on the staples, make sure everything's okay."

"Another surgery?"

"This one's a bit different. We're going to make small, microscopic incision, and do an exploratory, which means we are sending little scopes in the incision, and the image of your GI tract will show up on a screen we have in the OR. We won't cut open unless there's something seriously wrong."

"Can't you just send me through a CT?"

"I want to prevent any possible bleeding before it happens." Dr. Hunt smiled.

"The good news is, your incision is healing nicely, and your heart is as strong as ever,"

I rolled my eyes. "But I can leave after one more week?"

"Assuming there are no problems, yes." Dr. Hunt said. "But you will need another surgery in a month or two."

I let out a groan.

"It's better than the other option…" Dr. Hunt pointed out.

"Yeah, I know…"

"Oh, and you have a visitor," He smiled, and walked out of the room.

A minute after he walked out, Alex ran in.

"Oh, my God, you're alive!" She yelled, "Do you know how much I was worried about you?"

She lightly gives me a hug. "I mean, you were shot, and then on the news, they said that your dad got shot, and they gave this whole sob story about how the gunman was Jake's dad, and that he tried to kill your dad for killing his wife, and then he killed himself…what the hell?"

"It's true." I said quietly. "He shot me because I was dating Jacob."

Alex sits down slowly, bringing a hand to her face. "You're serious?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, my God," Alex's eyes were wide. "no wonder he seemed so…distant…oh, God, I feel so bad…"

"The last time I saw him was a week ago, when I woke up. He had mentioned something about his dad's funeral, and my parents, and Alice, told me everything that happened. He left before they told me, and he hasn't come back…" Tears sting the back of my eyes, and some make their escape.

"It's probably because he's been really busy. Last I heard, he was trying to get an apartment near the school."

"I just want to see him…" I said.

"He'll come." Alex takes my hand, and I look at her. "I promise you. He has been freaking out about you, Ness. He will come."

"Yeah…" I close my eyes, and turn my head the other way.

"How long have you been stuck in bed?" Alex asked.

"Forever," I said. "I think I've lost the use of my legs."

"Let's go for a walk." She stood up. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"I like your thinking." I smirked. I moved the covers, and slowly swung my legs over the bed. I winced, as I sat on the edge.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah…fine. It just hurts a little when I sit up. I'll be fine. Can you grab that IV pole, and put those bags on it?"

"Yeah, sure…" Alex grabbed the mobile pole, and moved my IV bags from the bed to the pole.

"Let's go." I got up from the bed, and we walked out of the room.

xXx

_Alex_

"How's the food here?" I asked, as Nessie and I walked down the hall.

"You didn't notice the giant tube going in my nose, attached to a bag full of…" She looked over at the brownish liquid in an IV bag.

"I don't even know what the hell that is." She smiled.

We laughed for a few seconds, before returning to our conversation.

"How's school?" Ness asked.

"Closed the Monday after you got shot. We came in Tuesday to this assembly, where Berg talked about what happened…including the hospital shooting. Well, anyway, she just talked about what happened, and then some girl came up and said that you had lost, like, all of your blood, and the blood bank needed some more of your blood type, so a couple teachers, including Brown, cancelled class, and we all went to Swedish to donate blood. I gave the most, because I can't remember half that day."

"Thanks," Nessie smiled.

"Anything for a friend." I smiled.

"How is everyone?"

"Freaked out." I said. "It's different, now. Brown especially." I twisted my face**. **"Like, everyone is weird. On edge, you know? Like, in the middle of class if a pencil drops everyone will basically have a heart attack. I don't like it."

"Well, he did make an attempt to control the bleeding…" Ness started, "and a student was shot during a dance so..."

"Those would be possible reasons…" I shrugged, deciding to change the topic. "What's it like here, anyway? Any cute doctors?"

Ness laughed. "Really, Alex?"

"Of course," I smiled.

"Well, if you must know…" Nessie looked around, and then we stopped.

"There's this one pediatric surgeon that checks on me sometimes, you know, change the dressings, make sure my incisions aren't infected, you know, that stuff?"

I nodded, a smile creeping onto my face.

"Well, he's like this 2nd year resident, young-looking, and single. He comes off as an ass, but he has such a heart for kids. He's hot, too."

"Name?"

"Dr. Alex Sloan," She smiled slyly.

"Oh, my God, if I married this guy, we'd both be Alex Sloan!" I giggled happily.

Nessie's face fell.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She began breathing really hard, and she winced. "Ow," She breathed. She put her hand to her stomach, where the incision was. I looked down, and a pink/red color was seeping through the hospital gown, and was on her hand.

She looked back up at me. "Oh, my God…"

"Nessie…" I was scared.

"God…oh, God…" She breathed. She looked scared.

Soon, her face slacked, and she fell on top of me.

"Holy shit…" My best friend just passed out on me, bleeding.

"Help!" I screamed, noticing a nurse's station nearby. "Please, somebody help!"


	22. Chapter 22 Shock to the System

**Chapter 22**

**Shock to the System**

"Abdominal wound dehiscence with a small evisceration," Dr. Torres muttered to herself, shaking her head. "She's walked herself to a rupture."

"I should have seen this coming…" Dr. Hunt said. "I should have warned her. I've checked this wound three times a day and she hasn't complained of having any pain."

"Hunt, I've been telling her to stay in bed and relax for weeks. Stop kicking yourself and help me fix it. Bovie," Torres looked over at the scrub nurse, and got the tool she needed.

"What happened?" Alice asked, putting a mask over her face.

"Your niece decided it would be a good idea to get up and walk four laps the hospital when her injures haven't fully healed and Dr. Hunt and I have advised against it."

"How bad?" Alice closed her eyes.

"She'll be okay, but she'll have to be here at least another two or three weeks." Dr. Hunt said sadly.

"Damn it." Alice muttered, shaking her head. "How about the healing of her stomach and pancreas? How's that going?"

"Her stomach was about to bleed, but we caught it in time due to this." Dr. Torres said, sounding thankful.

"I'll let her parents know." Alice walked out of the room, and into the scrub room. After washing up, she went to find her twin and sister-in-law

"How is she?" Alex asked, jumping up at the first sign of her friend's aunt.

"The walking caused her to have an abdominal wound with a small evisceration." Alice said, explaining to Nessie's parents.

"Uh, yeah, I don't speak medicine," Alex said. "could translate to English?"

"She's walked herself to a rupture," Alice stated, sounding a bit annoyed.

"Her stomach appeared to have started bleeding, but thankfully, due to the rupture, it was caught, and controlled. She'll be okay."

"Oh, thank God." Bella collapsed in her husband's arms, crying with relief.

"Thanks, Ali." Edward said quietly.

"No need. I'm just passing the info." Alice smiled. Her pager went off, and she looked down at it. "Nessie's been moved to recovery." She said; a smile in her voice.

xXx

_Renesmee_

"Oh, my, God, Nessie, I am so sorry!" I heard Alex cry. "I mean, I should have made you stay…I didn't know that was going to happen…"

"Alex…" I moaned, slowly moving my head, which felt like a lead weight.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." I smiled, as I began waking up. "I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but…that was my entire fault. I was the one who said 'Let's walk around'…I didn't know that was going to happen."

"I was the one to decide to get out of the bed. I'm alright. It's okay."

"Still…" She sniffled. As my vision becomes clearer, I notice tear stains on her face.

"Were you crying?" I asked, shocked. Not once had I seen Alex cry.

"You scared the _shit _out of me!" Alex practically yelled. "I'm allowed to cry."

Before I could say anything else, Dr. Torres came into the room, looking pissed.

"What on God's green earth could have possessed you to walk four laps around the hospital when you have injuries that haven't healed?" She crossed her arms, and looked between Alex and me.

"You could have suffered a much larger complication than a rupture." She sighed, uncrossing her arms. She pulled down the blanket, and pulled up my gown, checking the incision.

"If I had known, I swear to God I would have…" Alex started.

"Alex, _shut up_." I winced. "It is not your fault."

Alex instantly went quiet, her eyes wide.

"_I _was the one to actually get out of the bed. You didn't know. Stop being Dobby. I'm not mad at you."

Dr. Torres cleared her throat, "Well, the good news, Miss Cullen, is that had this not happen, we wouldn't have caught the stomach bleed as early as we had."

"Bleed?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Your stomach wasn't holding well, and a small bleed had started. It might have been part of the cause to the rupture." Dr. Torres explained.

I look over at Alex. "I told you that it was not your fault. I probably would have had one had we not walked around anyway. So stop beating yourself up about this."

Alex nodded. "Okay…I may have been overreacting a little bit…"

"You think?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Hey, give me some credit!" Alex said. "You almost died two weeks ago. I'm _still _getting over that."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Me too."

A few hours later, Alex was still here, and the morphine had kicked in full gear.

"You're a good friend." I smiled slowly,

"So high right now..." Alex smiled; a laugh in her voice.

"Actually," I thought. "You're my best friend in the entire world. I almost died…and here you are, skipping school for_ me_!" I smiled and threw my hands in the air.

"_And_ this is why I don't like hanging around stoned people." She turned the page of the magazine she was reading while laughing to herself.

"If I had died, I probably would have been remembered as the girl who got shot by her boyfriend's father." I trailed off. "How sad would have that been?"

Dr. Torres came in the room. "Miss Cullen," She said, putting away the chart she had, giving Alex a small glance.

"How's the morphine treating you?" She smiled, but it was more of a smirk.

"You're preeeetty," I trailed off, finding it hard to contain my giggles. Dr. Torres face began twisting weirdly, I cocked my head and pursed my lips trying to figure out why her face looked so funny.

"Thank you, Miss. Cullen. But how are you feeling? Any nausea, constipation?"

I furrowed my brows and pucked my lips, I crossed my eyes and looked at my small nose. Spotting a few freckles sprinkled across the bridge of my nose. Moments later it appeared that my freckles were dancing!

"Oh!" I yelped as my eyes went bug-eyed and I met Dr. Torres. "My freckles are dancing!"

Dr. Torres sighed, and I heard Alex snicker loudly. I smacked my lips together loudly and gave the Doctor a shit-eating grin. "To think of it, I think I do have to poop." I tapped my chin with my finger as I made an obnoxious thinking face.

"I'll have a nurse come in and give you something to help you with you...issue." Dr. Torres forced a smile before leaving the room quickly.

I looked over at Alex and we both burst out laughing.

"I think I like you better like this..." Alex said, holding in a grin of her own.

"Al - ex!" I yelled, grabbing my pillow and throwing it at her. We both started laughing again; glad to get rid of some of the stress we'd be feeling.

xXx

_Two days later…_

"She has a lot of morphine in her system, so I'm not sure how she'll be, but you can stay with her as long as you'd like, until visiting hours are over." I heard a nurse say.

"Great. Thanks so much." Uncle Emmett said.

I turn my head slowly, and crack my eyes open a bit, smiling at the sight of my uncle, even if it was a bit hazy.

"Hey, there's the girl of the hour." Emmett smiled. He set down a small vase filled with red roses on the table beside the bed.

"Flowers are from your aunt," He said, sitting down in the chair beside my bed. "I know you hate gift's...just like Bells."

"Flowers are nice…" I sighed, a bit spacey. I turned my head back, where the minuscule purple dragon sat on the bed.

"Whoa," I gasped, I reached my hand out and touched the little think. I made a funny sound that resembled a giggle. "Clover," I said her name mostly to myself.

"So, Clover, whatcha think 'bout my flowers?"

"Pretty flowers!" Clover said. She flew from the bed to the table, and started eating the roses.

"No, Clover, don't eat the flowers. They are not for eating!" I scolded, giving her a glowering look.

"Ness…?" Emmett said cautiously, raising an eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

"I'm wonderful…everything's magnificently brilliant…" I smiled. "Except Clover's eating the flowers you gave me." I frowned.

"Clover…?"

"Yes, Clover. She's the purple dragon on the table, eating the roses."

"There's no purple dragon on the table, Ness." Emmett said slowly.

"Of course there is. She's right here." I reached over, and touched her head. Clover purred in content as I petted her.

"See?"

Before Emmett could say anything back, I fell asleep.

What seemed like only seconds had passed before I had woken up again. However, I wasn't in the hospital. I was in a tall grass field—the green grass blades towering feet above me. I looked down, and realized I was still in the hospital gown.

I get up off the ground, and look around, for any signs of any other person around me.

"Hello?" I called, walking around. "Anyone there?"

"Sssh!" Something called out. "Do you want the dragon to get you?"

"Dragon?" I asked.

Before I could ask anything else, the person pulled me by the arm deeper into the grass. Suddenly, I am surrounded by…_smurf_s?

"What the…" I question. Before I could finish, a loud, angry growl shook the ground, and a burst of flame came over our heads.

"Run!" The lead smurf shouted. Everybody started running forward, away from the dragon. I stayed, as the others pushed passed me to get away.

Then, there it was. A giant, nearly 40-foot dragon appeared. Its color changed—flashing red, purple, and pink. It also sparkled like a diamond in the sun. She appeared to be a Hungarian Horntail dragon, and, oddly enough, she looked familiar.

She goes low to the ground, looking for smurfs. Her head levels with mine.

"Ahh! Dragon!" I shouted. I tried to run, but my feet wouldn't listen to my brain.

"Ahh!" The dragon shouted. "Nessie!"

"You know me?" I question.

"Of course she knows you." The zombie rabbit sitting on the dragon's shoulder said.

"It's me, Clover." The dragon said. "How'd you get in my dream?"

"_Your dream_?" I said. "This is _my _dream. I should be asking you the same!"

"You're…you're a smurf!" Clover said, shocked.

"No I am not, I'm…" Just as I was finishing my sentence, a mirror appeared in front of me.

I was at least three inches tall, and blue. My once golden bronze flyway hair was now blonde, topped with a white hat. I looked like…like…_Smurfette._

"No bloody way…"

"And you know what I like to do to smurfs…" Clover said. She raised her head, and let out a burst of flames.

Suddenly, my brain popped out in front of my feet.

"Run!" It said. "Move! Do something!" It told my feet.

Without conscious thought, I ran. And ran. And ran. Then, everything went black.

xXx

_Emmett_

"She was talking about some purple dragon named Clover, and it was eating the flowers!" I said into my phone, after Nessie fell asleep.

"How high is she?" Jasper asked. In the background, there was a crash. "Jaspen, Dante, stop it!"

"They have her pretty doped up." I laughed. All of a sudden, Nessie jolted in her sleep.

"Hello?" She mumbled. "Is anyone there?"

"What's she doing now?" Jasper asked.

"Talking in her sleep. You really have to see this, man, it is unbelievable."

"Dragon? What dragon?" Nessie asked.

"I can't. I'm watching the kids today while Alice is working."

"I'll send you a video, then." I hung up, and went to my camera.

"Ahh! Dragon!" Nessie shouted. I tried to hold in laughter, as this dream of hers continued.

"Emmett," Alice's voice fills the room. In surprise, I nearly drop my phone.

"What are you doing?"

I looked back at her, and she narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms.

"Jasper wanted to see what I was talking about, so I told him I would send a video."

"That's it," Alice walked up to the bed, and fiddled with the IVs. "She has way too much morphine in her system."

"As for you, Emmett, visiting hours are now over." She growled and shooed me out.

"Alright, alright. I'm going. I got enough of Nessie being high for today..." I snickered as I left the hospital, knowing just what to do with this video...


	23. Chapter 23 Permanent Solutions

**Chapter 23**

**Permanent Solutions**

Morphine was sweet. It made everything nice, and happy, and wonderful. I was constantly in a state of fuzzy, warm happiness. Pain was irrelevant. And so was everything else, really, except for the state of happiness.

Today, Black Friday, I had my uncles, Emmett and Jasper, my grandfather, Carlisle, and Dad staying with me, while Rose and Alice were shopping, and Mom was working. Mostly, I listened to Emmett and Jasper giving what seemed like a play-by-play of last night's football game. Halfway through their conversation, Jake walked into the room, instantly becoming nervous when he saw everyone in the room.

"Jake!" I smiled. "Now all my boys are here."

"Hey," Jake smiled, walking to the bed. He grabbed a chair, and sat at the edge of it. He held onto my hand, and gave me a small kiss.

"You're a great kisser," I smiled.

Emmett and Jasper looked excited, trying to contain laughter as they looked from Jake to Dad. Jake's cheeks flushed red.

"He's a great kisser!" I defended.

Dad looked at Jake. He raised his eyebrows. "Jacob," and nodded toward the door.

He walked outside, and Jake followed.

"I am so glad I'm on drugs right now or Jake would be really mad at me!" I sniffled, and then began to cry loudly.

"Emmett, shit. She's crying, Edwards going to - "

"Emmett, Jasper!" Daddy screamed as he began storming into the room. "Why did you make Nessie cry!"

I snickered to myself as I watched Emmett and Jasper fumble with their words, trying to find a good explanation. Daddy looked at me and I began to sniffle again.

"The-they yelled at me for liking Jacob! Then, Emmett told me he smelled like a dog and probably kissed like one too! It hurt my feelings, Daddy."

"What! I-"

"Emmett," Daddy growled as he pinched the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. "what did I tell you about your harassment issues...last time you harassed a girl was in high school and she tried to press charges against you..."

I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep myself from laughing, and Emmett shot me the death glare.

Victory.

xXx

_Jacob_

"Spiders!" Nessie shouted, rousing from her nap. I jumped, and looked over at her. "Spiders!" She said again. "They, they want me to tap dance…but, I don't want to dance..." She held a puzzled expression as she stared at the foot of her bed.

"Well, you tell those spiders, Nessie." I said, a slight smile growing on my face.

Nessie nodded, and then fell back in the bed, falling fast asleep. I got up from where I had been sitting, and pulled the chair closer to her bed. My hand grazed over her arm, as my eyes looked over her.

Renesmee was paler than she had been, before Homecoming. So pale, in fact, that you could see the pale blue veins through her skin. She also lost a significant amount of weight—she basically looked like she was being hospitalized for anorexia, instead of recovering from getting shot. She looked so weak, compared to how she was, just over a month ago. To me, she still looked beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful—her eyes, her voice, her soft skin. There was nothing about her I didn't love. Nothing would change that—not even my father succeeded in that.

It had been over a month since he shot himself, and I still don't feel anything. I don't know what to feel about it. After Mom died, our relationship became strained. He didn't function. Rachael and Rebecca ended up taking care of me, since Dad didn't. I had learned to care for myself by the time I was ten. Dad and I didn't talk. I never got the chance to get closer to him, after she died. It's like he had died too—but his body was still alive.

But, shouldn't I be at least feeling _something_? He _shot_ himself. And yet, I'm not sad, angry, hurt, happy…I don't feel anything towards his death. The only things I feel are towards Nessie. It's like she's the only person I care more about than myself.

I was angry at him, I truly was. What guy wouldn't be angry at his father for trying to kill his girlfriend, and her father? I wanted to kill him. That all went away after I was told he shot himself. I don't feel guilty that I was angry, that I wanted to kill him. But, I wasn't happy, either.

I still haven't found a place to stay yet. I've been staying at my house, but I hate it there. I don't have any good memories of living there, before the car accident.

I sighed, and got from the chair. I left her room, and just started wandering around the hospital. No reason, really. I just felt like walking around, and just…think. I ended up at the cafeteria. I got a hamburger, a soda, and some fries, and sat at an empty table, although, to be quite honest, I wasn't even hungry.

"Jacob," Someone came up behind me. I jumped in surprise, and turned to find Bella standing behind me.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen…" I said, shaking off the surprise.

"How many times must I ask you to call me 'Bella'?" She smiled, and grabbed the chair across the table.

"A lot of memories, here." Bella sighed, looking around the room.

"Yeah…" I said.

"I couldn't come in here for at least two weeks after the accident." Bella smiled, but only for a moment.

"Why?"

"It's where I took your sisters to tell them…" Bella closed her eyes, and a tear escaped.

"That Mom died." I supplied.

"Yeah." Bella nodded slowly.

"How long did you know her?" I asked after a few minute's silence.

"How long did I know Sarah?" Bella asked, repeating my question. I nodded.

"Since our freshman year of high school. If she were still alive, it'd be thirty-one years. We were always there for each other, for everything. The only time we were separate was a few months after you were born, and three weeks after Renesmee was born, when we moved from Chicago to Seattle. Then, almost five years after, you guys moved out here." Bella smiled, remembering everything with Mom. But when she got to the last part, she got really quiet.

"And then she died." I said.

Bella nodded, and wiped at her eyes.

"How long did you know Dad for?"

"Ever since I met Edward." Bella said. "Nearly twenty-five years. Billy was Edward's best friend. Your parents met three months later, after Sarah had just finished going through a hard breakup. Edward and I had set up a blind double date, and ever since, they were inseparable. Your father loved Sarah with everything in his being. It's why he took it so hard when she died. Why he couldn't function anymore."

"Why he shot himself." I finished quietly, looking down at my lap.

"Jacob?" Bella asked, after a few minutes.

I lifted my head. "Yeah?"

"Where are you staying?"

"At my place…I hate it there. I don't have any good memories." I shook my head, and placed it in my hands.

"Do you want to stay with us, until the school year ends?" She smiled softly, as I looked back up at her.

"Really?"

"We always have room for anyone in need of one," Bella smiled.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"Oh, Jacob, Bella," Someone said, coming up from behind us. "just the people I'm looking for."

"Hi, Rose." Bella smiled, as Nessie's aunt sat in between Bella and I.

"I have an offer for you, Jacob," Rosalie turned to me. "Emmett and I know that you haven't quite found a place to stay yet."

"Yeah," I nodded.

"We have an extra room, at our house. Its thirty minutes from Bella and Edward's place, and twenty minutes from Garfield. Emmett and I have been talking, and we are opening it up to you. It's just until school ends, of course."

"For real?" I asked, hopeful.

"On one condition," Rose said.

"Anything, anything." I rushed.

"Genesis is only twelve, and cannot fully watch her sisters and brothers. Emmett's backed up with the SPD, and I'm backed up with several murder cases. We need someone to watch the kids, mostly Aimee, since Hayden, Hyatt, Genevieve, and Genesis can take care of themselves."

"Murder cases?" I asked.

"I'm a CSI. And, living in Seattle, we're always backed up with homicides. It's almost as bad as Vegas."

"Uh, yeah, I could watch them. I don't mind at all." I said while scratching the back of my head.

"Great," Rose smiled. "You can come in Monday. I'll have Emmett help you move."

"Thank you so much." I told her sincerely, holding her blue eyes, trying to show her how grateful I was.

"You're very welcome, Jacob." Rose smiled warmly. She turned, and grabbed a checkbook out of her purse, which was slung over the back of her chair.

"This is for the first week," She mused, writing out a check.

"Mrs. Cullen, you don't need to…" I object.

"Jacob, you're dealing with Emmett's children. The least we can do is pay you. And please, call me Rose."

"Here, this should be good," She ripped off the check, and handed it to me.

"This is too much," I try handing the check back, but Rose pushes it back my way.

"Take it." She insisted. After making sure it was in my hands, she got up and left.

"I suggest you keep it." Bella said. "Rose is very persistent with things like this."

Her pager went off. She looked down, and her face dropped.

"No…" She shook her head. "No, no, no…"

"What?" I asked, my mind racing to Renesmee.

"I got a kid on five whose coding." She said in a rushed voice, racing out of her seat, and flying out of the cafeteria.

Renesmee was going to be okay. I was moving out of my Dad's old place, living with Renesmee's relatives.

It looked like things were finally turning around for the better.


	24. Chapter 24 Holding On

**Chapter 24**

**Holding On**

"_Lightning doesn't often strike twice. It's a once in a lifetime thing. Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming. But, sometimes to odds are in your favor. If you're in just the right place in the right time you can take a hell of a hit. And still have a shot at surviving."_

~Meredith Grey, _Grey's Anatomy._

xXx

_Renesmee_

"I don't need to talk to a therapist!" I argued at Dad. "I'm fine."

"You got shot and nearly _died_, Renesmee. I had to, as well as several others who didn't get shot. You are going to have to see him."

"I wasn't part of a major shooting!"

"You were a target!" Dad nearly yelled. He wiped his hand against his face, and turned to the door, pressing his hands against it, and leaning against the door.

"You were his _target_, Renesmee." He said, his voice broken. "He tried to take you away from us." He moves away from the door, and ran a hand through his hair. He began pacing the room, and stopped at the end of the bed, looking at me.

"You are talking to him, Renesmee. I don't care if you don't like him. You're talking to him, and that is final." He leaves the room without another word.

I fell against the pillows, my hands over my face, trying to keep myself from crying. I wiped my hands down my face, and brought up a knee, resting one arm across it. I wiped away the rest of the tears with my other wrist, and drape it across my abdomen.

I hated seeing my parents fight like this, but it seems that it's all they ever do now. We're all still getting over the shooting, not fully recovered from the blow. Mom, with the miscarriage, and nearly losing both Dad and myself. Dad, who was still trying to wrap his mind around Billy's suicide, getting shot, and then nearly losing me, and Jake…he acted like everything was okay. He plasters on a smile, and says he's fine. But, there's something about his eyes that told me otherwise. It's like I'll look into his eyes, and there's nothing there. Before this, his eyes held life, happiness, and energy. Now, they're listless, lifeless.

It's like everything we've had...everything we've built up for the past eighteen years, and three months…is barely hanging by a thread. Everything's falling apart. Broken. Shattered. Gone.

With a sigh, I grabbed my iPod off of the side table, and put the ear buds in, pressing 'Shuffle'. _Broken _by Lifehouse started almost instantly.

_The broken clock is a comfort. It helps me sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time. I am still here waiting, though I still have my doubts. I'm damaged, at best, like you've already figured out._

_I am falling apart, I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart, that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on, holding on, holding on. I'm barely holding on to you._

I start crying again, as the song goes on. I bring my knees up, and hug them to my chest. I rest my head on my knees, and through the tears, I start singing along.

"The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded; I'm an open book instead. I still see your reflection on the inside of my eyes. That are looking for a purpose, they're looking for life.

I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart, that's still beating. In the pain," I hear Jake's voice fall in with mine,

"There is healing. In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm barely holding on to you." I look up, and find Jake standing in the doorway, singing along with me. He walks in the room, and sits on the edge of the bed, taking my hand.

"I'm hanging on another day, just to see what you throw my way. And I'm hanging on the words you say; you said that I will be okay. The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home. I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart, that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm barely holding on to you.

So, I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on; I'm barely holding on to you."

Jake wrapped his arms around me. I fell against him, crying so hard, I couldn't catch my breath.

"It's okay," Jake whispered, stroking my hair. "We're okay. We're going to get this together. Everything's going to be okay."

I didn't answer. I just kept crying, feeling like I was going to burst if I didn't. Jake stroked my hair, telling me that I would be okay. That we would be okay, and that everything would be put back into place, after the initial blow of the shooting had gone away. That, eventually, the pain would go away, that we would all recover from something we never saw coming.

_Jacob_

I left the cafeteria, five minutes after Bella rushed out. I find myself wandering around the hospital, thinking. Not really about any specific thing, really. I thought about the future, at some points, and what Bella and I had talked about. I thought of my parents, and what would have happened, had we never been in a car accident—had she not died. I find myself on the floor Nessie's on, but I don't go into her room. I just stand in the hallway, leaning against the wall.

"You were a _target_," I heard. I recognize Edward's voice, and peer down the hall, keeping my eyes on her room.

"You were his _target_, Renesmee." I heard again. It's silent for about a minute, before he speaks again.

"You are talking to him, Renesmee. I don't care if you don't like him. You're talking to him, and that is final." Edward storms out of the room, the door closing behind him. He walked down my way, and turns into an empty room, one I assume is for on-call doctors. He slams the door behind him, and then there's a sound of a small table smashing to the ground.

I recognize everything that he did. Dad did the same, after Mom died. There was always something small that would set him off like that, and then he'd lock himself in his room, smashing things. Hours later, I would be brave enough to pick open the lock, and find him on his bed, clutching an empty bottle of Vodka, sleeping. I never understood it then. Now, I do.

Something I've learned over the years is that lightning doesn't often strike twice, like it did nearly six weeks ago. That it was supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing. I've learned that even if it feels like the shock will never go away, eventually, you begin to heal, the shock will wear off, and you recover from something that you never saw coming.

With my sisters and me, recovering from our mother's death was like a solitary distance run. It was long. It was hard. It was lonely as hell, even if we had each other. But we got through it. We _recovered_ from something that we never expected. But, some people, like Dad, they _never_ recover. They are still in shock, and it never wears off. Like Rebecca, Rachael and I, he took a hell of a hit. But, unlike the three of us, he wasn't in the right place in the right time. He never survived the shock of her death.

It's the same thing now, as it was then. We still haven't survived the initial shock of the shooting. We just don't want to admit it. So, what do we do? We plaster on a smile, and say we're fine. We let the tension boil, until it can take no more heat, where it comes out in arguments. We let everything fall apart. The lightning struck again—only this time, it struck twice.

And it would be harder to recover from. It will be longer. It will be lonelier than hell. We took a hell of a hit, and we survived.

Now, we just have to recover from something we never saw coming.

What seemed like hours later, but in reality was only five, maybe ten minutes; I decided to see Nessie, to make sure she was okay. I start hearing her voice. She's singing, but she's also crying.

"The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded; I'm an open book instead. I still see your reflection on the inside of my eyes. That are looking for a purpose, they're looking for life." I watch her through the window, as she sings. Her head is buried in her knees. She's curled into a ball, in an upright position. She's not moving.

I recognize the song, and for reasons I will never know, I began singing with her.

"I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart, that's still beating. In the pain,"

"In the pain," I repeated. "There is healing." I sing with her, repeating certain parts.

"In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on, I'm holding on; I'm holding on, I'm barely holding on to you." She moved her head, so that she was looking at me. Her face was tear-stained, and hurt.

I walked into the room, and sat on the edge of her bed, taking her hand, and singing with her.

"I'm hanging on another day, just to see what you throw my way. And I'm hanging on the words you say; you said that I will be okay. The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home. I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart, that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on, I'm holding on... I'm holding on; I'm barely holding on to you.

So, I'm holding on, I'm holding on...I'm holding on; I'm barely holding on to you,"

She's about to cry even harder. So, I wrapped my arms around her, moving myself onto the bed. She latches to my shirt, and cries so hard, she can't catch her breath.

"It's okay," I whisper, stroking her soft hair. "We're okay. We're going to get this together. Everything's going to be okay."

She didn't answer. She didn't have too. She just kept crying. I stroked her hair, telling her that she would be okay. That we would be okay, and that everything would be put back into place, after the initial blow of the shooting had gone away. That, eventually, the pain would go away, that we would all recover from something we never saw coming.

After about twenty minutes, she had cried herself to sleep. I rested on the bed, with her halfway on the bed, and on me. I kept stroking her hair, as I watched her sleep.

I don't know how much time passed. It seemed like hours, but it could have easily been ten or fifteen minutes. Someone came into the room, and he looked surprised to see us.

"Oh, I thought I was seeing just Renesmee today," He said. I give him a confused expression.

"I'm Henry, the counselor the hospital board hired. I need to evaluate Miss Renesmee Cullen…" He looks at Nessie.

"She's had a rough last couple of weeks, and she just finished letting everything out," I explained.

"That's fine." Henry came in the room, and closed the door. "Because I need to talk to you, too." He sat down in the chair near the bed. He pulled out a notebook, and looked at me.

I tried to untangle Nessie from myself, so I could sit in a chair.

"No, no need to move. You're fine there." Henry said.

"Okay…" I said nervously.

"So, Jacob, right?"

"Jake," I said. "Call me Jake."

"So, Jake, how are you?"

"I'm…fine,"

Henry raises his eyebrows, but he changes the subject.

"What's your relationship to Miss Cullen?" He motions to Nessie. She takes a shaky breath in her sleep, and burrows closer to me.

"She's my girlfriend." I stated.

"How long have you two been dating?"

"Since September."

"That's almost three months now, correct?"

"Yes."

"Is that how long you two have known each other?"

"No…yes…" I shook my head. "It's complicated."

"How so?"

"Well, when we were younger, five and four, we met. Our parents were friends, since before we were born, and they hadn't seen each other in nearly five years. Well, anyway, we had just moved to Seattle from Chicago, and they planned this day where we would all get to know each other a bit more. So, Nessie and I met then. But, two or three weeks later, my mom and I were in an accident, and she…" I closed my eyes.

"She didn't make it. Dad cut off contact with them, and told my sisters and I not to talk to them, because he thought her father had killed her. He never got over her death. But, then I was transferred from Franklin to Garfield, for football, and we met again. We've been dating ever since."

"I'm very sorry to hear about your mother," Henry commented.

"Its fine," I shake off the comment.

"How did your parents take to the relationship?"

"At first, we didn't tell them. But after a date, her father saw me drop her off. They were fine with the fact that we were dating. It's different with them, really. She's not like any other girlfriend I've had, really."

"How so?"

I looked down at Nessie, and smile, running a hand through her soft hair.

"When…" I search for the right words. "When I'm with her…it's like nothing else matters. It's like we're the only people in the world. I know this seems a bit cliché, but it's like she's holding me to the planet, not gravity. I would walk to the ends of the earth for her…be anything that she wants me to be, because I love her. Nothing…_nothing else matters to me except her._"

Nessie smiled in her sleep. I knew that she could hear me.

"Those are pretty strong feelings for and eighteen-year-old," Henry commented.

"Why would I lie about how I feel about her?"

Henry shook his head, changing the subject. "What do you remember from the night she was shot?"

What don't I remember from that night? I remember everything, from the way she smelt, looked, and danced, to how she looked, on the grass, bleeding without cease. Dying. To how Billy looked, after I found him, scared, angry, and hurt.

"Jacob?" Henry asked, after I don't answer for ten minutes. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, trying to clear the images from my head.

"Fine." I lied. "I'm fine."

"Can you tell me what happened that night?" He asked.

"It was homecoming." I said. "We went with her friend, Alex, and her boyfriend, Garrett. It was starting out to be the best homecoming I've ever gone too. It was crowded, and by 10:30, it had gotten to be hot and sweaty inside the room. There are these doors, in the commons that lead outside. Nessie and I went outside, and slow danced to a few songs. It was chilly out, and it felt really good against our skin. I was going to kiss her, but then there was a gunshot, and she…" I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"She was shot," I said, after a few minutes. "She fell, and she was bleeding, the blood was bubbling, pumping out of her stomach, and pooling in the ground. I ran in the school, to get help, and got the Calculus teacher, Mr. Brown. He didn't believe me, until the lights came on, and saw her blood on my shirt. Everyone started freaking out, and he ran out with me. He pressed his hands over her stomach, trying to stop the bleeding. I called 911, and then saw the gunman in the forest behind the school. I dropped my phone, and ran after him, finding out that he was _my father_." Venom traces the last words, even if I didn't mean for it too.

"How did you feel, after finding this out?"

"How did I feel?" I asked. Was he serious? How could he not know how I felt about it? About my father shooting my girlfriend?

"I was beyond angry. I can't describe how angry I was. I wanted to _kill _him."

"You wanted to kill your father for trying to kill your girlfriend?" Henry questioned.

This guy was seriously becoming an ass. How could he ask such stupid questions? Of course I wanted to kill him! How could he kill someone? How could he kill all of those innocent people, just because Mom died _twelve years ago_? He was a coward for killing himself, instead of being responsible for killing so many people, and trying to kill Nessie and her father. The coward took the coward's way out, and killed himself. May the bastard _burn_ in Hell for what he did.

"How do you feel about your father's suicide?" He asked.

I shrugged, staying quiet. I didn't want to talk about it.

"Is it still too early to talk about your father, Jacob?" He asked.

I didn't do anything.

"Well, I will be back for her in an hour or so." Henry stood up, closing his journal. "Have a good day." He nodded, and left the room.

I put my head against Nessie's forehead, kissed her hairline.

"I love you." I whispered.


	25. Chapter 25 Broken

**Chapter 25**

**Broken**

_Edward_

It had only been six weeks, but it still feels like everything happened yesterday. The memories still fresh in my head.

Henry had asked me once, on our second or third meeting, if I had been mad at Billy for trying to kill my little girl. The answer not only surprised him, but me as well.

"_I heard that you and Billy had been friends, almost thirteen years ago." Henry said, as I took a seat across from him. _

"_We were," I nodded. "We've known each other since elementary school—almost forty years now." _

"_How long had you two been friends?"_

"_Thirty-nine years." I answered. "We were best friends. Hell, we even went to college together, and got married within months of each other, both of us in each one. We worked in the same city, living within a few miles of each other, in Chicago. A few months after his youngest, Jacob, was born, and just three weeks after Renesmee, Bella and I moved to Seattle to start our residency at Swedish, which at the time, had just opened up. Five years later, we found out that Billy and Sarah had moved to Seattle, and we came out to visit them. The kids hit it off pretty well, and we were all happy to see each other." I smiled slightly at the memories, thinking of the great times I had had with Billy._

"_I understand that the friendship had unofficially ended, almost thirteen years ago?"_

_I nodded. _

"_Why?"_

"_Two weeks after they moved to Seattle, Sarah and Jacob were part of a horrible three-car pileup, caused by someone who had been driving drunk, who had also died hours later. The people that came in that day were so banged up that they were labeled as 'Jane Does' and 'John Does', until we could get someone to name them. My attending, Dr. Hunt, and I were put on Sarah's case, and at first, I didn't recognize her. She had put her head through the windshield, and suffered major brain damage. She went under cardiac arrest twice, before slipping into a coma. Dr. Hunt had pronounced her brain dead and we had to unplug her."_

"_How did you find out it was Sarah?"_

"_After surgery, when we were hooking her up to life support. I had a nurse call Billy, and went to find Bella. She was looking for a mother who was also in the car accident, who was missing her five-year old son. That's when she found out that the little boy was Jacob." _

"_How did Billy react?"_

"_He was beyond upset. His oldest were as well. We all were, really. Bella lost her best friend that day, and to extent, I did as well. Billy sued for medical malpractice, thinking that myself or Dr. Hunt hadn't done everything we could have. The case didn't make it to court, and that's when he cutoff contact with us. I didn't see him until he pointed a gun at me."_

"_Now, I also understand that his son, Jacob, and your daughter are dating, yes?"_

_I smiled. "Yes, they are. Jacob's a good young man. I wouldn't be surprised if he became my son-in-law in five or so years."_

"_I understand that Jacob and Renesmee went to the homecoming dance together, yes?"_

_I nodded. _

"_You didn't think that anything was going to happen?"_

"_I didn't have reason too." _

"_At 10:30 that night, you and your wife got paged to the hospital, correct?"_

_I looked down. "Yes."_

"_Why?"_

_I furrowed my brows,_ "_Renesmee had been shot."_

"_What was your reaction?" Henry sat up. "How did you feel when you saw her?"_

"_I have seen GSWs like hers before. She had been shot in the abdomen, and if you looked in the wound, you could see how bad the damage was. Her stomach was shredded, her pancreas was the same. The people I've seen with those wounds always died, no matter how hard we tried to keep them here."_

"_That didn't answer my question, Dr. Cullen," Henry said. "How did _you _feel? What were your thoughts?"_

"_I didn't think she was going to live through the next few hours." I said quietly. _

"_Do you know who shot her?"_

_I nodded,_ "_Billy." _

"_When you found out, how did you react?"_

"_At first, I was angry," I said. "Then, I was surprised. I had assumed that some kid had brought in a gun to the dance, but it turned out that my best friend had. I didn't really know what to think. I wasn't angry, really. Just confused. I didn't know why he would."_

"_Dr. Cullen," _

"_Please, call me Edward," _

"_Edward, then," Henry nodded. "You weren't angry?"_

"_I guess I wasn't." I said, surprised. "I think that after Sarah died, the shock of it was too much for him to handle, and he basically checked out of reality. He wasn't the same man that night, as he was thirteen years ago. He was still a good man, though. You could tell, just by looking in his eyes. That day for him was just a mistake."_

"_How did you feel when he held the gun at you, aiming at your chest?"_

"_I felt the same." I said. "I tried to talk him out of shooting me. I told him that I was only human, and like all humans, I am flawed. I told him that today had been a mistake for him, and that he still was a good man. And for a few seconds, I thought I was in the clear. Then, Dr. Kepner ran onto the catwalk, and didn't see him. She yelled for me, I turned to her, and turned back, when Billy shot me." I finished quietly. _

"_Mr. Black committed suicide, about an hour or so after shooting you. How do you feel about this?"_

"_It hurts." I admitted. "In reality, I had lost him years ago. But now, I've _literally _lost my best friend. I understand why he did it, but at the same time, I don't. He took the coward's way out. I believe that he should have taken responsibility for killing all of those doctors, and for trying to kill my daughter and myself, instead of shooting himself. But, at the same time, I miss him. He was my closest friend."_

I find myself here, almost seven weeks later, in the same position. I was thankful that my daughter was okay, that she would be okay. I was thankful for my own life—but I still wish that Billy hadn't taken his. He had been my friend, even if he had decided that I was no longer his.

"Edward," Bella brought me out of my thoughts. I turned my head, and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Can you _please _help me?" She crossed her arms.

"Yeah, of course." I got up from the couch, and rubbed my hand together. "What do you need help with?"

"Everything!" Bella raised her hands, and walked down into the kitchen. I followed.

"Renesmee's coming home tomorrow, and I want the house clean." She started scrubbing down an already clean counter.

There were only a few times when Bella felt the need to clean the house when it was already clean. Once, in the week before she told me that she was pregnant, in the days leading up to Renesmee was born…during the race for chief resident, she cleaned anything she got her hands on, no matter how clean it was.

Something was up.

"Bella, love," I asked, walking up to her. "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Bella said, still facing away from me. "why wouldn't I be?"

"The house is completely clean."

"No, it isn't." Bella said stubbornly.

"Bella, there's something you're not telling me."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Bella turned, and crossed her arms.

"I'm not calling you anything," I said. "I just know that when something's wrong, you become extremely OCD."

"There's nothing wrong," Bella said. "I'm fine. You're fine. Nessie's fine. We're all fine."

"Really?" I asked. "Because a lot of things happened that we never talked about."

"Because we don't need to." Bella turned back to the counter, and started scrubbing.

"Bella, we need to talk." I crossed my arms, and rested against the counter top.

"No, we don't."

"Now, Bella." I took the cloth out of her hand, and turned her, so that she was facing me. "A lot of things happened after Nessie's surgery that we need to talk about."

"I do not need to talk about the miscarriage, Edward. It's done. It's over. I'm fine. There's nothing to discuss."

"Really, Bella?" I asked. "Because you've been scrubbing this house spotless and working hours on end for the last six weeks. You've been avoiding me ever since you told me. We need to talk."

"Edward, I'm fine!" Bella yelled.

"No, Bella, you aren't!"

"Well, what about you?" Bella asked. "You got _shot _Edward, and you don't seem to be talking about it!"

"I've dealt with it," I said. "and this has nothing to do with me."

"You never told me about it."

"Because you're never home!" I growled, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Maybe because I'm trying to get that asshole to clear me!"

"Then stop pretending like everything's fine!" I yelled.

"Why?" Bella asked. "He's clearing everyone else, who is just as fine as I am."

"You need to stop worrying..."

"Just leave it alone, Edward," Bella said. "you spent one night in jail over driving too fast. Leave it alone."

"That was five weeks ago!" I said. "You need to let it go, stop worrying about _everything_."

"Don't worry about it?" Bella asked, tears forming at her eyes. "All I do is worry! I'm worried that one day, I'm going to get a phone call, saying that you've wrapped yourself around a tree, or I'm going to wake up from this dream, and find both you and Renesmee _dead_. That's why I left you in jail, so that for one _moment_, I could know that you were safe. So that I would have one less thing to worry about."

"You want Henry to clear you?" I asked. "You need to stop pretending, and tell him everything you just told me. You need to talk about what happened, instead of saying that you're fine. Because you aren't."

I left the kitchen, and headed into our room. I slammed the door behind me, and slid down, sitting on the ground, resting my back against the door. I rested my elbows on my knees, and placed my head in my hands.

I lifted my head, and wiped a hand across my face. I got up, and looked around the room. Bella and I had never had a fight this bad. We should be happy. Nessie's alright, and coming back home tomorrow. And yet, we stand here and fight.

I spotted an old scrapbook on Bella's nightstand. I take a closer look at its opened page. Pictures of our wedding fill the page. I'd never forget how beautiful Bella looked that day. I smiled to myself, taking the book in my hands. Pictures of Billy and Sarah's wedding filled next pages. I study each picture, trying to think of why Billy would think I would try to kill his wife, my friend. We had been such good friends. Where did it all go wrong?

The next pages held pictures of Bella, while she was pregnant. After Renesmee's birth, we never really discussed having another child. We were busy enough as it was, and Renesmee wasn't even planned. We just thought that if she ever got pregnant again, then we would have another baby. But it never happened, until now. Then we lost him, before I even knew she had been pregnant. I was heartbroken to hear that she was pregnant and had a miscarriage. What father wouldn't? I never really thought of it, but I did want another. I loved being able to watch Bella grow, and know that it was my _child _she held.

We had all been so happy. Even losing a best friend didn't change that. We just needed to push through the pain, until we've healed ourselves from the shock.

I walked out of the room, and find Bella in crumpled disarray. Her hands were buried in her hands. I sat down next to her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Nobody said it would this hard," She said, lifting her head up. She wiped her face.

"Nobody said it was going to be easy." I whisper.

"But it shouldn't have to be this hard." Bella sobbed. "Renesmee's okay. She survived something she should have died from. You survived. You're alive. I still have my family. I should be happy, right?" Bella started to cry again.

"Life goes on, right? Life moves on. I shouldn't be crying anymore. I shouldn't be scared, and I shouldn't be worrying. So why am I?"

I took her face in my hands; her eyes searched my face.

"I love you so much."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Bella asked.

I stood up, and turned on the radio.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you. Tell you I set you apart. _

I took Bella's hand, and stood her up.

"I don't…" She started, shaking her head.

"Bella," I smiled. "shut up."

I wrapped my other arm around her waist, and lead her in a small dance. We danced in small circles, staying in the same spot.

_Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start. _

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling your puzzles apart. Questions of science; science and progress. Do not speak as loud as my heart. _

_Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me. Oh, and I rush back to the start. Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are…_

Bella rested her head on my shoulder.

"I was four weeks late," Bella said delicately. "I took a pregnancy test that morning, and it came out positive. I couldn't _believe _that I was pregnant. I mean, here I am, forty-five years old. I shouldn't be able to get pregnant at my age. But I was so happy. I couldn't wait to tell you and Renesmee. With everything going on already, I decided to wait, and tell you two the next day. But then Renesmee came in with a gunshot to her stomach, and then you got shot…" Bella's voice quavered, but she continued.

"After I found out that you were going to be okay, I walked back into the scrub room, and told Anya that we were going to visit Jacob. That's when I lost him," Bella finished quietly. She buried her head in my shoulder.

"I just don't understand why the universe would decide to let us have a baby one last time, but then take him away. I mean, what's the point? Did I do something wrong? If I hadn't put myself in front of the gun, would I still be pregnant? Or would you be dead?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella." I whispered into her hair.

"Then why does it feel like I did?" She sobbed. She lifted her head, and looked into my eyes.

"Why does it feel like I did something wrong?"

Instead of answering her, I gave her a kiss. She was surprised at first, but soon, her mouth melted into mine.

"We're going to be okay," I said, just as the song ended. "You and I?" I looked into Bella's tear-stained face. I wiped away some at the corner of her eye with my thumb.

"We're a team. We're going to pull through this. We will be okay,"

"Okay," Bella placed her head back on my shoulder. "Okay."


	26. Chapter 26 Together Again

**Chapter 26**

**Together Again**

_Renesmee_

"Ready to go?" Mom asked, as I finished putting my things in my bag.

"It's been almost seven weeks," I smiled. "I'm more than ready to go home."

December 8th, six weeks and five days since homecoming, and I was finally deemed healthy enough to go home. I couldn't believe that everything happened almost two months ago. It still was so fresh in everyone's minds.

I was so glad to be going home. Everyone was. It was proof that I was better, that I still had life to live. Being home would make it real.

"I'm glad to see you're finally going home," My favorite nurse said, coming in the room. He brought in one of those big wheel chairs that had a basket to carry all of those 'Get Well Soon' balloons and flowers I've received over the last couple weeks.

"Let me change, and then I'll be ready," I picked up a pair of jeans and a shirt that Mom had brought me, and went into the little bathroom attached to the room.

Taking off the t-shirt and sweat pants I had been wearing, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. Honestly, I looked pretty bad. I had a thick pink scar, from the base of my collarbone, down the middle of my breasts, and straight down to my pubic bone, not to mention the scar I had in the small area above my collarbone, at the base of my neck from the trach. I had lost a lot of weight in the weeks I was in the hospital. The morphine made me extremely nauseous, and I hadn't really been eating anything lately. My source of nutrients had been coming from another bag of IV fluids, so I wouldn't starve. I didn't look anorexic, but I was fairly close. My hair had also become slightly thinner since I've been here, but that's also because of the weight loss. Soon, hopefully, I would be back to my normal weight.

Sighing, I put on the jeans, and tied the belt to the last notch, hoping it would keep my jeans on. I slipped on the shirt, now baggy on my skinny frame. I pulled my hair into a low side ponytail, and left the bathroom.

"Okay, Mark, give me the damage. I think I can take it," I sat in the wheelchair. Mom handed me my duffel bag, and I set it on my lap. After all of the balloons and flowers were placed on the chair, we left the room.

"Drink lots of water, eat four to five small meals, instead of three large meals. You can take the prescribed medication for pain management, but that means that you can't be driving until you are off the meds. You can resume physical activity, however, it is up to your coach, and Dr. Torres on whether or not you can resume cheer leading. Your pre-op appointment is set for December 19th, and your laparoscopy; I believe is set for January 9th. Everything else you need to know is in this packet," He handed me a small packet of discharge information, as we headed down the hall.

"What would I ever do without you, Mark?" I smiled.

"You wouldn't have had as much of a fun hospital stay," Mark teased back with a white grin.

Mark took us to an elevator, and then we were in the main lobby of Swedish, where we were met with several doctors and nurses, clapping. From where I was, you could see several members of the press standing ready outside the doors.

I took in a deep breath, as we surveyed the lobby.

"I can do this," I said, closing my eyes.

"We could use the other entrance," Mark offered

"No, let's just go this way," I said, sounding determined.

"Okay," Mark shrugged.

We walked out of the elevator, and into the lobby.

"Glad to see you're finally leaving," Dr. Sloan said, as we went passed him.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"Congrats on your recovery," A nurse smiled.

"Don't come back now, you hear?" Another nurse joked.

"I won't," I laughed, waving goodbye to her.

There were a few other words of congratulations, before we hit the doors of the hospital.

"We could always use the entrance at the west wing," Mark said. "we could avoid the press all at once."

"No, no," I shook my head, and took a deep breath. "I'll have to face them sometime. Let's just get it over with."

"Okay," Mark said while laughing. "You're funeral,"

"Not funny, Mark," Mom said, glaring at Mark.

As the doors opened, the security guards tried harder to keep the reporters from blocking our path to Dad's car, waiting for us at the end of the walkway.

"Miss Cullen!" One shouted. "How does it feel to know your boyfriend's father tried to kill you?"

"How does it feel to know the same man also tried to kill your father?" Another asked.

Cameras flashed around us.

"How does it feel to be alive?"

Flashes nearly blinded me, "Can you tell us if you and your boyfriend are still seeing each other after his father did this to you?" I shot a glare to the man who said that.

"Hey, knock it off!" Mark shouted back. "Leave her be."

There were a few other questions, before we made it to the waiting car. Dad was standing outside of it, waiting for us. A few reporters were also trying to question him, but he shoved them aside.

"Look, we're trying to get our lives back to normal. It would help us greatly if you _god-awful_ people would just leave us alone already," Dad nearly yelled at the reporter.

"It's been nearly seven weeks, just give it a _god-damned rest_!" He looked over at Mom, Mark, and I, and looked a little embarrassed to have been yelling at a news reporter.

"Dr. Cullen," Mark nodded, sounding impressed.

Dad raised his eyebrows, closed his eyes, and smiled, shaking his head. "Well, let's go. I'm sure everyone at home is more than excited to see you,"

He stretched his hand out, and he helped me out of the wheelchair.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"Of course," Dad gave me a kiss on my forehead. He opened the door for me, and I slipped into the backseat of the Land Rover. After everything else was put in the back, we were on our way home.

xXx

"Welcome home!" Alice exclaimed, as Mom, Dad, and I walked into the front door.

"Wow, guys," I smiled, walking upstairs, and looking at the decorations Alice and Rose put up.

"Ali, did you really have to?" Dad asked with a small laugh.

"Of course I did!" Alice protested. "It's the first time the _whole _family's been together since the shooting. And we have lots to celebrate." She winked over at me.

"Nessie!" Hayden and Hyatt said in sync, sliding down the hallway in their socks.

"Boys," Rose closed her eyes, looking annoyed.

"Sorry, Mom." They said together.

"Hey, Little Terrors!" I laughed. I gave each of them a fist bump.

"Have you been good for Jake so far?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Define 'good'." Hyatt said with a smirk.

"I still don't know why you didn't name them 'Fred' and 'George'." I told Rose with a laugh

"Speaking of your boyfriend…" Hayden started.

"Is he as great a kisser as you said?" Hyatt finished while giving me a classic evil Emmett smile.

My checks flushed red, and grew increasingly hot.

"Boys!" Rose looked shocked.

Emmett tried to stifle his laughter, and the twins burst out in it.

"Dad said that you told Jake that he was a great kisser in front of _everyone._" Hyatt continued.

I looked at Emmett, the glare was not missed.

"It was just a few days ago, Black Friday," Emmett started, trying to collect himself.

"You weren't as high as you were the week before, but you were in that happy, fuzzy, warm state of being high. Dad, Edward, and Jasper were with us, and while Jasper and I were telling Eddie about the game, Jake came into the room, and gave you this little kiss. You smiled, and said that he was a great kisser." Emmett snorted, "But then, little miss Renesmee over here started crying. It was awful, because then Eddie came in and went on this rampage, and then accused me of harassment and brought up that bitch who tried to press harassment charges against me freshman year."

"EMMETT!" Rose screamed, "Language!"

"I am never going on morphine again," I said, after a few minutes.

"Very good decision, Nessie," Dad said with a small laugh.

"Where is he, anyway?"

"I think he's downstairs with Aimee." Esme said.

"Thanks," I smiled, and went downstairs.

I found Jake downstairs. He was leaning over the playpen, watching Aimee sleep. I smiled, and gently leaned against the door frame.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Nessie," He turned his head, smiling. "I'm glad to see you're home." He stood up, and walked over to me. Putting his arm around my waist, he gave me a chaste kiss.

"I'm sorry about apparently telling everyone that you're a great kisser," I chuckled.

"Well, I am, aren't I?" Jake gave me a cocky grin.

"True…" I smiled. Jake enveloped me in a light hug, and I moved my chin up on his shoulder, just over where he had been shot. I moved my head to fit the hollow of his neck, and breathed his woodsy smell, _really _taking him in, for the first time since the shooting.

"I love you," I sighed into his neck.

"I love you, more." Jake kissed the crown of my head.

"I know," I smiled, leaving Jake's embrace. "I overheard you and Henry talking right before I actually fell asleep."

"I see that," Jake laughed a little, as we left the embrace. I noticed a small box on the couch, and went to go check it out.

"Whose is it?" I asked Jake, taking it in my hands and sitting on the couch.

"It's mine," Jake said, sitting next to me. "Rachael found it in our dad's old room. It was left for me."

"Are you going to open it?" I asked. "You've had it for nearly five weeks by now. Don't you want to know what's inside? What Billy left for you?"

"No." Jake said curtly. "And I never will. That man has been out of my life for twelve years. I want nothing to do with what's in that box."

"Jake, you can't honestly hate him, he's your _father._"

"He's paid no care to me, Rebecca, or Rachael since Mom died. He tried to _kill _you. I have every right in the world to hate him. He doesn't care about anything or anyone since she died. Give me one _good reason _why I shouldn't hate him."

"Because he's your _father, _Jacob," I argued.

"That doesn't mean anything,"

"He _loved _you, Jake."

"Then why the _hell _didn't he get his act together after she died?" Jake yelled, but then went quite, remembering that Aimee was still sleeping.

"You would know the answer better than I do," I said quietly, getting up from the couch.

"You will open that box, Jacob, if it's the last thing I do." I went upstairs and slammed my door shut.

He _will_ be opening that box.


	27. Chapter 27 Miss Cullen

**Chapter 27**

**Miss Cullen, I Think Not.**

Things were good, as far as anyone including myself, knew, I was doing good. That made me really happy, I didn't want to spend another billion years in that dang hospital ever again.

Despite the fact that I am well enough to go back to school, I would only be going for about four days before we get out for Christmas break. So, I decided to just stay home the extra four days.

Henry also comes over. Apparently, he does house visits, which I can't stand. It's not that I don't like the guy…he's okay, I guess. It's just that I don't like talking about it. It's done, it's over. I shouldn't have to talk about it.

It doesn't help talking about it anyway. It doesn't take away the fact that we were shot. We survived, didn't we? So what's there to talk about?

Whatever.

xXx

"How are you today, Renesmee?" Henry asked, sitting down across from me.

Oh, another thing I don't like about him—I have asked him several times to call me 'Nessie'. He doesn't. He always calls me 'Renesmee'. He's like a teacher. At least he doesn't call me 'Miss Cullen', right?

"Alive," I answer sarcastically.

"Miss Cullen," Henry raised his eyebrows, clearly annoyed.

_Really? 'Miss Cullen'? Great._"I'm fine," I lied.

I wasn't fine. I mean, yeah, I'm alive. But, should I be? I mean, I survived something that nobody does. So, what kept me here? Why am I alive…why did I survive?

"Are you glad to be home?" Henry smiled.

_God. This was going to take forever._"Yeah. It's good to be home."

"Now, I know that Jacob's father was the one who shot you," Henry said.

I looked down. "Yes," I said quietly.

"Renesmee?" Henry asked.

"Yes," I said, looking at Henry. "he was the one."

"How do you feel about that?" Henry asked.

"Am I supposed to be feeling anything about it?" I shot at him.

"I just want to know how you feel about it," Henry defended.

"I'm not mad at him if that's what you're asking."

"Why not?"

"What, so you assume that since my boyfriend's father tried to kill me that I'm going to break-up with him, and hold it against him?" I asked, getting mad.

"No, not at all, I just—"

"'Cause that sure would make me a whole hell of a lot like that man. If I broke-up with Jake, just because his father tried to kill me, I would be just like he was, when he broke off his friendship with my father over his wife's death."

"I'm not saying you should be mad," Henry said. "I just want to know how you feel, and how you're dealing with the shooting,"

"I don't think any less of Jacob because Billy shot me. I think that Billy was making a mistake. He was trapped in the past. He wasn't thinking clearly. I don't hate him for trying to kill me, or my father. I don't know. Maybe if Dad died, but I didn't, maybe then I'd be pissed, or angry, or upset. But, he's alive. I'm alive. So, I'm not mad."

"How does it feel to be alive, to be able to live your life, when just two months ago, you were so close to death?"

"It feels weird. I don't feel like I should be here sometimes, because of how close I was. Something…or _someone_wanted to keep me here, but I don't know why. I've cheated death, and I feel really guilty, like I shouldn't have been able to because everyone else with that G.S.W who make it to Swedish, or Overlake, or any other hospital for that matter, doesn't make it within the first hour they come in."

"It's normal to feel that way sometimes, when something like that happens. Many people I've seen tell me the same thing when they've gone through something like that. It's what's known as 'Survivor's guilt', and it comes with some mild forms of P.T.S.D., better known as post-traumatic stress disorder."

"So, what, I have some disorder now?"

"That depends, Renesmee," Henry started. "I'm going to need to ask you, and your parents, a few questions, dealing with your actions, feelings, how you're dealing with what happened, etcetera. Then, I can diagnose if you have any mild forms of depression, P.T.S.D….the sorts of disorders people have after facing a traumatic experience, such as a shooting."

"And, let's say I do have some sort of mild depression. What happens then?"

"I will prescribe a low dosage of anti-depressants, and see where that takes us," Henry smiled, getting up from where he was sitting.

"See you next week," He said, as he made his way out the door.

xXx

About an hour or so later, someone came to the door. At first, I assumed it was some package delivery service, since it was a week until Christmas, so I ignored the knocking at the door. When, at last, the doorbell rang, and five minutes had passed, I got up from the couch and answered the door.

"Hello," I answered, silently thanking God that it wasn't another news reporter. Although, I was a bit disappointed in the casserole dish she held. We had already gotten so many. I call it 'Survivor's Casserole'; it's like 'Widow's Casserole'.

"_Oh, you and your father were the two targets of the hospital shooter? Here, have some food,"_

"Hey, Nessie," The girl at the door smiled. "It's Ana, you know, from cheer?"

_Oh, right! I remember her now…_

"Hey, Ana," I smiled. "Do you want to come in?" I moved out of the way, and she came in.

"What brings you over?" I asked, closing the door behind myself, and leading her upstairs.

"Want anything to eat, or drink?" I offer, going into the kitchen.

"No, thanks," Ana goes into the living room. I leave the kitchen with an apple and meet her in the living room.

"What brings you over?" I asked again, taking a bite of the apple.

"Well, first, I have this 'Kingdom Workers' card from the Move conference I went to in August, and what I'm supposed to do is invite a new person to youth group every week, and share my story with them. And tonight, Jim, our youth leader, is showing this movie…_To Save A Life_. I was wondering if you, and maybe Jake would like to come?" She smiled nervously.

"Sure," I shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do besides staying here…what time?"

"Six-thirty,"

"Great," I smiled. "Although, I'm on a lot of pain-killers right now, so unless I want to end up in the E.R. again, I can't drive. Do you just want to stay over until six, and then you could just drive me?"

"Sure," Ana smiled. "I have nothing else to be doing today."

She looked down at her lap, where the casserole was. "Oh, I almost forgot," She held up the dish.

"My mom wanted me to give this to you," She smiled apologetically. "I thought that you guys would have already been flooded with sympathy food, but she _insisted_,"

"What is it with people giving other people _food after_ their husband or wife dies, or when they've gone through a trauma? It's like…'Oh, you and your father were the targets of the hospital shooting? Here, have some food,' I mean, come on,"

Ana shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, it's the thought that counts, but I know why you would think that."

I took the dish. "Yeah, well…thanks anyway. I'll go put it with the others,"

I walked into the kitchen, and put the dish in the fridge, among the twenty others we have received in the eight weeks since Homecoming.

"At least we won't have to order out, or cook anything for a month," I joked, going back into the living room.

Ana smiled. "I guess that's why people give sympathy food, then,"

I laughed a bit. "I guess so,"

"So how's school?" I asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"Its school," Ana shrugged. "Everyone's still a bit on edge about what happened homecoming, especially the freshman. No one goes outside that part of the school anymore, not even those kids who smoke out there, because despite the extra security there, they're still kind of afraid that some guy with a gun will pop out from the woods,"

"I really can't wait to go back sometimes," I smiled a bit. "You know, to see how everyone will act around me…especially Brown,"

"He's still really freaked out. I don't think he'll be able to make eye contact with you for weeks,"

"I owe my life to him," I moved some hair out of my face. "If it wasn't for him, I would have bled out on school grounds." I shrugged my sweatshirt off, and Ana's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"That's your scar?" She whispered, a little shocked.

"Only the top of it," I whispered, touching the thick skin that grew over the stitches.

"How far does it go?"

"All the way down to my pubic bone,"

"Oh, my gosh…" Ana's face twisted slightly. "That sucks…I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's fine. I just don't like the staring…but that happens anyway, scar or no scar, because apparently, I'm now the Muggle version of Harry Potter, except I don't have to fight off some evil, power-hungry guy."

Ana didn't say anything, so I changed the subject.

"You want to watch a movie?"

Ana's face lights up slightly. "Sure,"

Ana and I spent the majority of the afternoon watching movies. Around six, Jake came over, relieved from his nanny-duties.

"Hey," Jake smiled, walking downstairs. He gave me a quick kiss, and turned to Ana.

"Ana, right?" He questioned, holding out his hand to shake hers.

"Yeah," Ana smiled softly, shaking his hand. "I'm, uh, sorry about your dad," She said nervously.

The mood in the room went solemn in the matter of seconds. My eyes shifted nervously from Jake to Ana. Jake shook his head.

"Don't be. He was a bastard anyway." Jake's eyes flashed dark.

"You can't possibly think that about your father," Ana looked confused.

"He didn't look after my sisters and I when Mom died," Jake said quietly. "That was up to ourselves. Then he pushes that by trying to kill Nessie and her father, and several others. I don't think he was a bastard; I _know_ he was." He clenched his fists.

"Uh…" I lightly tapped Ana on her shoulder. "He doesn't like talking about his dad…" I whispered.

"Oh," Ana nodded. "I'm sorry,"

Jake shook his head, unclenching his fists. "You didn't know. It's okay,"

"Well," She said awkwardly. "On a completely different subject, Jake, my youth group is showing this movie tonight, and I invited Nessie, so I wanted to know if maybe you would like to go as well?"

"Uh…" Jake looked surprised by the question. "Why not?" He shrugged.

Ana smiled. "Great. We should probably get going—it starts in half an hour."


	28. Chapter 28 Here With Me

**Chapter 28**

**Here with Me**

"Welcome to Generation Church," A man greeted, smiling at the three of us, as we entered the building.

He looked very friendly. He was at least in his late 20s, or early 30s. He had short light brown hair, and stubble around his cheeks and chin.

He looked over at me, and his face brightened as he recognized me from whatever news channel I had been on.

"Renesmee Cullen, right?" He smiled, and reached out to shake my hand.

"Nessie," I said, shaking his hand, and trying to pull my sweatshirt over my scar with the other hand.

"It's pretty obvious to say that I saw the story," He said. "You know, I think God has some sort of plan for you and your family, Nessie. I'm very glad you came with Ana tonight. My family and I have actually been praying that you would come,"

I smiled lightly. "Thanks,"

"You must be Jacob, then." He shook Jake's hand, and looked between him and myself.

"Jim Larrabee, by the way," He said. He looked back at Jake, looking sincere.

"Jake," Jake said "Call me Jake,"

"Jake, then." Jim nodded. "I am _very_ sorry about your father. It can be hard to lose a parent, especially when you've already lost one. I've also been praying for you,"

I looked between Jim and Jake, knowing how Jake would react.

"Uh, Jake doesn't…"

Before I could finish, Jake interrupted me, surprising both Ana and myself.

"Thanks," His voice was strained, and I could tell he was forcing a smile.

Jim nodded, and turned to Ana. "Well, how about you show them around a little bit, I have to talk to somebody, but I will talk to you later,"

"Talk later," Ana smiled, as Jim left.

Ana took us to the sanctuary, and introduced us to others. We stood around talking to people for about ten minutes, and Jim came onto the stage.

"Okay, everyone, grab a seat, we are about to begin," He said. Ana took us to one of the tables that held a few of her other friends.

"Hey, Ana," A guy smiled, waving her over.

"Max," She smiled. "Nessie, Jake, this is Max. Max, Nessie and Jake," Ana introduced us.

"Nessie?" Max asked, after shaking our hands. "As in, Renesmee? You're that girl who got shot at Garfield before that hospital shooting?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Yeah, that's me."

"Man, if that's not God, I don't know what is," Max shook his head.

"So I've been told," I smiled lightly.

"I hope you guys have fun—this is a really great youth group."

"Thanks," I smiled.

"Well, now that everyone is ready, I just have a few announcements to make before we start the movie," Jim said.

"First, I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and to remind everyone that our Christmas Eve service is this Monday, starting at 4 pm, and we will _not_ have a Christmas morning service. Don't forget that we are also going to Sky High for our annual New Year's Party, and we still have spots available, only $25! Don't let price let you down. If you need a scholarship, just talk to myself, or any of your small group leaders and we will get that set up straight away. We also have our REVIVE Fuse winter retreat coming up in three weeks, for $100, from January 6th through the 8th. Get your forms and scholarships in soon, because we have limited spots left." Jim smiled.

"Now, let's start the movie." He motions to someone on the sound board, and the lights dim, as the movie begins.

"Oh, Nessie," Ana whispered, nudging my arm a little. "I almost forgot…the retreat that Jim mentioned? It's really fun—I went last year, and had an amazing time…anyway; I wanted to know if you would like to come?"

"I'm not sure, it depends on when my next surgery is. Did he say that it was the 6th?"

"Yeah. It ends the 8th, we come back around three or four…wait another surgery?"

I nodded, and went in my purse for a piece of paper and a pen.

_I'll have a few surgeries over the course of the year, to make sure that everything's holding up, and then a few to replace staples, until my stomach is completely healed…and to catch any bleeding before it gets too bad. _I wrote. I passed the piece of paper to Ana.

**That sucks. -.- I'm sorry.**

I shrugged, reading over the note. _It's not that bad. I won't be __actually __be cut open, unless something seriously goes wrong. I'm not banking on that, though. I'll be fine._

**When's your next surgery?**

_The 9__th__. I could be wrong, though. They'll let me know tomorrow at my post-op appointment. What do you do at the retreat?_

**It's really fun—there's a ****ton**** of snow, and a tubing hill that we use that Saturday. Last year we went night tubing too, and the hill was light up with Christmas lights. We also have small group, and sessions—one the night we get there, about two or three the next day, and then one Sunday before we leave. We have worship as well, and then Saturday night we have a themed party. Last year's was 'Clash', where we dressed in mismatched clothes. This year, I believe is 'Superhero Rap Battles'.**

_I can ask—it sounds pretty cool. I'm just not sure about the tubing. I'll talk to my parents tonight when they get off, and then I'll talk to Torres or Hunt tomorrow, whoever is doing my post-op. I'm just not sure about the tubing part. The most active thing I can do is walking up stairs. Possibly cheer, but I have to talk to Jen and Hartway about that when I get back._

**I hope you can. **

I smiled over at Ana, folding the paper and putting it, and the pen, back in my purse. I looked over at Jake, and gave him a quick kiss, resting my head on his shoulder, curling my legs on the chair. Jake kissed the crown of my head, and placed his hand over mine on my lap.

The movie was pretty good. It turned out to be about this kid whom everyone loves, the reigning champion of his high school basketball team and beer pong. Then, an old childhood friend of his kills himself. He goes to this youth group, and the youth pastor there tells him that he needs God, so he becomes a Christian. But things for him start going out of control, and through these trials, he learns what it really means to be a Christian.

The youth group ended after the movie was over. Ana, Jake and I stayed for a few minutes afterward, talking to some of Ana's friends, and meeting her small group leaders. Everyone we meet had, obviously, heard about the shooting, and tried not to stare, as they talked to us. I put on my smile, and thanked everyone who had us in their prayers.

We left the church, and Ana dropped us off at my house.

"Call me tomorrow about the retreat?" Ana asked, as Jake and I got out of her car.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Thanks again for the invite,"

"No problem," She looked over at Jake. "You can come too, if you want. I have some extra brochures at my house I can get to you tomorrow."

"Uh…sure," Jake smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Ana waved. "See you tomorrow," She waved, and drove off.

"You'll come by tomorrow?" I asked Jake, standing outside his car.

"Of course," Jake gave me a kiss. "You know, I must be the luckiest guy on earth right now," He smiled lightly.

"Why is that?" I rested my head on Jake's chest. He enclosed his arms around my waist.

"Because you're _mine_." He said, giving me another kiss. "Even my father couldn't take you from me."

I smiled. "I love you,"

"I love you more," Jake gave me a kiss on the top of my forehead, and got into his car.

"I'll be by after school," Jake promised, before driving off.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, and went inside.


	29. Chapter 29 It's Always the Crazy Times

**Chapter 29**

**Crazy Times**

The first day back to school dawned on me quickly. The days had bleed into each other, and January 3rd arrived, a sort of fog encircled me, as I got ready for the day.

I slowly got dressed, pulling a hoodie on in place of a shirt, an attempt at decreasing the amount of staring. I sighed, and took off the sweatshirt. They were just going to stare anyway.

"They want something to stare at," I mumbled looking through my shirts. "I'll give them something to stare at."

I grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans, a black cami, and a black mesh v-neck tunic. The clothes were still a little baggy on me—I had dropped at least two jean sizes since October. I tied my belt to the last loop, praying that it would hold up my jeans.

I pulled my hair into a high ponytail, and slipped on my black ballet flats. Grabbing a granola bar, I met Jake outside.

"Ready?" Jake asked pulling his car into the closet parking spot he could get.

I looked out the window, and closed my eyes, letting out a sigh. "No."

"You want to wait a few minutes?"

"No. Let's just get it over with." Opening my eyes, I unbuckled my seatbelt, and grabbed my bag, getting out of the car.

"Nessie," Alex smiled, as Jake and I met her at her car. "I'm glad you're back."

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "You and four hundred others. People stare at me when I'm at the store. This is me coming back to the scene of the shooting—I'm surprised we haven't been followed by news vans yet."

"Who says they aren't coming?" Alex joked. "I'm still seeing you and your Dad in the news—I swear, some Harry Potter geeks have been calling you 'The-Girl-Who-Lived'."

"Really?" I asked, exasperated. "Don't kids have anything better to do than to worry about things that happened _three months ago_?"

We started walking up to the main doors of the school.

"I don't know." Alex shrugged. "Some kids feed on this sort of shit." We stopped at the double doors.

I took a deep breath, and looked between my best friend, and my boyfriend. His hand slipped into mine, and gently squeezed it, for good luck.

"Well," I said, looking determined. "Let's get this over with."

As soon as we entered the school, we were flocked by hundreds of kids.

"Oh my God, Nessie, are you okay?" One kid asked.

"Is it true that Jake was the one to shoot you?" Another asked. The three of us shot a glare at her, and she looked down, embarrassed.

"I heard that Jake _paid_his dad to shoot you," Kaylee Newton said.

"And check out that _scar,_" She walked to the front of the crowd, and made a disgusted face, looking at my scar.

"It's revolting," She said. "You should really cover it up, Cullen. No one wants to stare at something as _revolting_ as that scar. Haven't you ever heard of plastic surgery? You might want to look into it to get rid of that scar."

"Why you little _bitch_," Alex snarled towards Kaylee. "Don't you _dare_talk to my _best_ friend that way," Alex dropped her bag at my feet, and rolled up her sleeves, getting in Kaylee's face.

"You want to go?" she taunted. "'Cause I'm ready to go, right here, right now. _And I just can't wait to rip those little blonde curls of your pretty little face_," She pulled her hair out of her face, prepping for a fight.

Kids 'oh'd' as Alex finished. Immediately, attention was turned to the cat-fight that was about to happen.

"Now, let's not get carried away…" Kaylee said nervously, taking a step away from Alex.

Alex made a mock pout-face. "Oh, of course," She said, nodding her head, taking a step closer to Kaylee. "God-forbid someone breaks a nail. Now we all know that would be a tragedy if Miss-Pretty-Little-Kaylee broke a nail."

Kids snickered, and, admittedly, so did I.

"Okay, okay, move along, class starts in five minutes," I recognized the voice of Ms. Berg, her heels clicking in the hall, as she headed towards the mass of kids surrounding us.

Glances were cast at us, as they mumbled 'yes ma'ams' and headed up stairs, or down the hallways, leaving Kaylee, Alex, Jake, and myself. Ms. Berg walked up to us, and looked at Alex.

"Ms. Dupree, I'm sure that Mr. Lee would _hate_to see you in his office again for this. This is the second time you and Miss Newton have been in a fight."

"The little bitch started it," Alex protested. "She thought it would be fun to call Ness out like that,"

"I don't care who started it, Miss Dupree, Miss Newton, the next time is a suspension. Off to class, both of you."

"Keep _her_away from _me_, and I assure you that it won't happen again." Kaylee spat at Alex.

"Okay, that's it," Alex lunged for Kaylee, and grabbed at her hair.

"Girls!" Mrs. Berg reached for Kaylee, and Jake reached for Alex. They pulled them off of each other, a small fistful of blond hair in Alex's hand; a few forming bruises on Kaylee's neck and arms.

"Both of you, Mr. Lee's office. _Now_." Berg did not look happy.

She took out her radio and called for someone to bring them to Lee's office. A few moments later, a teacher came, grabbed them both, and lead them down the hall to where Mr. Lee was.

Berg sighed, and looked at me. "Keep an eye on your friend, Miss Cullen."

"I try my best," I shrugged.

"Well, now that that's taken care of, I would like to speak with you in my office."

"Uh…sure," I said nervously.

She smiled. "Great," She turned to Jake. "Mr. Black, you can wait outside my office, if you'd like."

Ms. Berg turned, and led us into her office. The secretaries smiled at us, and I could tell that they were trying not to stare, although their eyes kept straying to my chest.

"Take a seat," Berg said, closing the door behind her, as I entered her office.

She pulled a chair from the back of the office, and put it next to the one I sat in. She sat down, and looked at me.

"How are you doing, Renesmee?" She asked,

"I'm okay," I said, nodding slowly. "I mean, the staring, the gawking…what happened this morning isn't helping…but I'm okay." I said quietly. I looked down, and felt a tear slide down my cheek. I wiped the tear from my cheek quickly, a little embarrassed to have been crying in front of the principal.

"Well, unfortunately, we can't do much about the staring. It's going to happen. But, we have been trying to put a stop to the rumors, and they have not been tolerable, as they will continue to be."

I nodded. "And school…can I still make everything up, and graduate on time? I mean, I've already talked to my counselor about it, and Alex and Jake have been bringing me assignments, and they've helped me catch up a little, but I know I'm still behind."

She thought for a moment. "You missed ten weeks," She said, not directing the comment towards anyone.

I nodded. "And I'll have to miss a few days a month, until they deem the damage completely healed. I can try to get them to schedule some on four day weekends, and over breaks, but I do have to have a surgery about once a month."

Berg nodded. "Finals are in four weeks. If we have you meet your teachers every night for a few hours, I'm sure you can get caught up enough to take them. And for the days you'll miss, we can have someone bring your assignments to you."

"Thanks,"

Berg smiled. "It's no problem. Now, I'm sure you don't want to miss your first period class," She smirked lightly.

"You know it," I chuckled lightly. I stood up, and slung by bag over my shoulder.

"Thanks for the warning," I waved, as I left. I heard her laugh as I left the office.

"Was it like this for you?" I asked quietly, looking up at Jake, as we walked down the hall.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked, even though we both knew what I meant.

"When you went to school after the shooting. Was it like that for you? Or was the propaganda just about me and Dad?"

"For a while, kids stayed away from me—especially the freshman, because it was _my_ dad who did that. Others tried to offer me sympathy, because he killed himself. They were scared…scared that I would do something, scared that he didn't actually kill himself, and that he would come back and start shooting again…just plain scared."

"Kaylee try anything?"

"She was the one to start the rumor that I had paid Dad to shot you and Edward, created most of the fear in kids who listened to her."

"How low can she go…?" I mumbled, shaking my head.

"I would just ignore her."

"I'm ignoring almost everyone today, Jake." I pointed out. "And I usually ignore her anyway."

"Well, here's your first period," Jake said, as we came to a stop in front of Brown's class.

"You'll be okay?" Jake asked, after giving me a small kiss.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "You don't need to worry about me."

"You know I'm only thinking of you," Jake laughed.

"I know, I know." I shook my head, and then cast a glance into the classroom. Brown was preparing some files—files I assumed were for me, which held my assignments from October.

"I should probably get going," I nodded towards the door. "Start working on everything I've missed."

"Good luck," Jake gave me a chaste kiss, before heading down the hall to his own first period.

Taking in a deep breath, I headed into the class.

"Nessie's back,"

"Cullen's back,"

"She's back?"

There were whispers spoken around the class, as I stood in front of the door awkwardly. Mr. Brown looked up, and got out of his seat.

"Class, class, settle down." He said. "Renesmee is obviously here, she is obviously healthy, she doesn't need all of this extra attention. Go back to work."

They did as Mr. Brown said, although continued to glance up at me occasionally.

"This is the work that you have missed over the last ten weeks," He started walking over to his desk, and I followed.

Brown picked up a filing envelope full of worksheets, and handed them to me.

"You're excused from all the tests we had over the ten weeks, but you should be able to finish these assignments in three weeks, from what I remember of your work habits. Just do one or two a night, and come to study period with me, or stay after school at least once a week, to catch up." He sat in his chair, and put his glasses on.

"Thanks," I tucked the envelope in my arm.

"Get to work, Miss Cullen." Mr. Brown said, keeping his eyes on the paperwork he had in his hands.

"Of course, Mr. Brown." I went to an empty desk, and pulled out the first few assignments. Luckily, they were all familiar—I had gotten these assignments emailed to me over the course of my absence. Alex had come over after school on most days and also gave me copies of assignments I had missed, and kept me updated on what I've missed. I only had one assignment to do for this class, and it was one everyone had gotten on the Friday before break.

I grabbed my Period 1 folder from my bag, and grabbed the assignments I had completed, and brought them up to Brown. He looked a little shocked that I had finished nearly thirty assignments in ten minutes.

"Alex grabbed extra assignments for me, and I've been getting them in my email," I explained, handing the stack of papers to him.

"Oh…of course," Brown nodded, taking the papers.

"You might want to give her more credit than she's getting," I smiled, walking back to my seat.

"Alex is a good student; she just doesn't like to show it."

"Speaking of Miss Dupree, where is she?" Brown asked, although I'm pretty sure he knew the answer to that one.

"Mr. Lee's office with Kaylee Newton for getting in a fight. I'm pretty sure they're suspended this time."

"Of course she is," Brown shook his head, as I walked back to my seat.

I sat in my seat, and began working on the worksheet I had been given.

The rest of the day went by pretty much the same. I'd walk down the hall and get stared at, whispered about. I'd walk into class…the same thing as first period. It had been ten weeks since I was shot…don't you think people would have found something new to obsess about by now? I mean, it's like I'm the shiny new toy, except being shiny and new, I'm a mass shooting survivor, and I'm dating the guy whose dad did it.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.


	30. Chapter 30 Falling in the Black

**Chapter 30**

**Falling in the Black**

The weekend came, and with Dr. Torres and Dr. Hunt's approval, Jake and I ended up going to the retreat with Ana and Max on Friday, after school. Ana was excited that we were going, saying that we would have a lot of fun this weekend, that we'll really get a chance to know God. I don't know…ever since the shooting, I've been really curious about God, because somewhere deep inside me, I know that He's the reason Dad and I are still here. But, at the same time…this is all new. I'm not the kind of person who does this sort of thing. I've spent my _whole _life just going with the flow of things, not really atheist, but just not having any religion. I don't even own a Bible, for Christ's sake!

xXx

The bus ride to the campsite was uneventful. We arrived at Gnormly Meadows late that evening, after about three or four hours of being confined on a fifteen-year old bus with no heat. After we were told our cabin assignments, we unloaded the truck, grabbed our bags, unpacked a little bit, and then met in the lodge, which, luckily for the girls, was in our cabin, less than twenty feet from our assigned rooms.

"This is our first session," Ana whispered, as we sat in the third row of chairs in the small room.

"Jim's also going to give us the schedules, tell us the rules, and so on."

I nodded. "What exactly happens during a session?"

"Well, first, we start off with worship; we sing maybe two or three songs, and then whoever's the speaker-which this year it's this awesome Christian-rap artist, Joshua Donnell—talks about whatever subject he's planned on teaching us."

I nodded slowly. Jake came and sat next to me, as the rest of the guys came into the lodge.

"Hey," He smiled, giving me a light kiss on my head. "How are you?"

"Fine. Just like I was five minutes ago when you asked me…and the five minutes before that, I was fine as well." I smiled.

"You don't have to ask every five minutes how I'm doing, you know. That's not your job as my boyfriend."

"Then what is my job as your boyfriend?" Jake smiled, putting his arm over my chair.

"To give me chocolate." I replied after a few moments' thought.

Ana laughed. "That's a new one."

"And if I don't have chocolate…" Jake smiled down at me.

"Then I might have to break-up with you…" I looked away, trying not to laugh.

"You'd break-up with me over chocolate, despite other things that you could break up with me over with?"

I could tell Ana was having a hard time keeping a straight face, as she watched us.

"Unfortunately…" I sighed. "Although, another job you could have to make up for the chocolate would be to keep me happy." I looked up at him.

"That," Jake gave me a chaste kiss. "I can do."

As everything was finished being set-up, Jim grabbed the mike. He gave us an overview of what to expect this weekend, and the rules that were to be followed. After he was done, the worship segment began. Jake and I followed what everyone did, and stood, as the first few lyrics began.

_Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy Place. Past the brazen altar, Lord, I want to see your face. Pass me by the crowds of people, and the Priests who sing your praise, I hunger and thirst for your righteousness, but it's only found in one place. Take me into the holy of holies; take me in by the blood of the lamb. Take me into the holy of holies; take the coal, touch my lips, here I am._

We sang a few more songs, and Jim started the message tonight, in place of Josh, who would be here in the morning. After the message, Jim told us where our cabins were, and we were dismissed to get ready for bed.

That was the first night I couldn't sleep. Parts of the message playing in my head, thoughts of the shooting, thoughts of Jake flooded my mind, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep.

xXx

I felt like shit the next morning, but that was to be expected since I hadn't slept at all last night. I had three cups of coffee at breakfast, in attempt to wake me up. Jake and I sat with Ana and Max.

"I just can't believe there's no snow," Ana said, disappointed. "What are we going to do with no snow? We can't tube down that hill, it's all ice!"

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Max laughed. "Ice-tubing? That's got to be such a rush. I'm in."

"What about you guys?" Ana asked, looking over at Jake and I. "Ice-tubing or no?"

"I'm with Max." Jake said. "Ice-tubing's going to be sick."

"Nessie?" Ana asked, sounding a little concerned. I looked up from the cereal I was picking at.

"Are you okay? That's like, your fourth coffee since we got here."

"I'm fine, just tired." I said, not telling a lie, but not the complete truth.

"You sure?" Jake asked. "You looked exhausted." 

"I'm fine," I insisted.

Ana shrugged. "Okay, whatever." She looked at her watch. "Oh, we should probably get going—we have to be ready for the next session in fifteen minutes."

We got up from the table, dropped the guys off by their cabin, and headed to ours. After grabbing what we needed, we headed into the Lodge for the second session.

"Good morning, everyone," Jim smiled, as everyone filed into the small room.

"How was your guys' night? Everyone get a good night sleep?"

The reply was a mixture of 'yes's and 'no's. I stayed silent, not wanting anyone to know that I spent the whole night fighting insomnia.

"Well, before we get started, I found this youtube video that I think you will all greatly enjoy," He nodded over to the tech. kid—Xavier, I think his name is-and he sat down as the video began.

We all laughed, as the guy tried teaching his 90-year old grandmother to say 'pwning', when instead, she said 'pernoinin''. After the video, Jim started the worship. On the dying notes of the last song, _God With Us_, Josh was introduced, and he began his sermon.

"Has anyone ever done something so bad, that they feel like the incident could never be forgiven? Has anyone's guilt felt so heavy, that it seems that nothing could replace it?" He asked, setting his Bible and a notebook on a music stand in the front of the room.

"Is anyone here hiding anything? A feeling, a way of life, something they've done? Now, don't raise hands; that's not what I want. What I'm looking for, here, is a sort of feeling.

You see, everyone comes here, to youth group, to school, hiding something. Maybe you're upset about a fight you've had with your boyfriend, and you don't want anyone to know, so you put on a smile, and pretend to be happy. Or, maybe, you're coming with a heavy heart, and you don't want anyone to know. Maybe you think that you don't belong here, because you've committed a great sin, and you feel like if anyone here were to find out, you'd get shunned…kicked out." Josh moves away from the stand, and paces the front of the room.

"There's this woman that John writes about, in chapter eight. She was an adulteress, and she had been caught in the act. When the Pharisees found her, they brought her to the temple complex, where Jesus was teaching. They were going to stone her to death. But, Jesus stopped them, and told her that anyone there without sin could stone her. One by one, they all left, and Jesus then turned to her, and told her to continue with her life, basically forgiving her. I want you guys to take out your Bibles, and turn to John eight. We'll start with versus two, and go to eleven."

Ana opened up to the page, and set her Bible across my lap, so the three of us could read.

"_At dawn He went to the temple complex again, and all the people were coming to Him. He sat down and began to teach them. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, making her stand in center. "Teacher," they said to Him, "this woman was caught in the act of committing adultery. In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do You say?" _

_They asked this to trap Him, in order they might have evidence to accuse Him. Jesus stooped down and started writing on the ground with His finger. When they persisted in questioning Him, He stood up and said to them, "The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her." Then He stooped down again and continued writing on the ground. When they heard this, they left one by one, starting with the older men. Only He was left, with the woman in the center. When Jesus stood up, He said to her "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"_

"_No one, Lord," she answered. _

"_Neither do I condemn you," said Jesus. "Go, and from now on do not sin anymore." _

I read the passage again, as Josh continued his sermon. Here was this woman, who cheated on her husband. She should have been punished for this crime; she should have gotten stoned. But, she didn't. She was forgiven, almost like it had never happened. People found out that she was this adulteress, and they _were_ going to punish her, but when Jesus told them that the one without sin could stone her, they all left. The only man in the world, who could have condemned her, didn't.

"You see, guys, you shouldn't have to hide anything. Come as _who _you are, not what you're not. This woman, this secret that she was so ashamed of, that she thought would get her killed, and shunned, was forgiven by the only man who could have stoned her." Josh's words brought me out of my thoughts.

"I want you guys to think for a moment. What do you think was going through her mind? How do you think she felt, before and after Jesus did this?"

I tried putting myself into her position. If I were her, I'd be beyond scared. I'd be ashamed. After Jesus forgave her? If I were her, I'd feel…

I tried digging deeper, to try to imagine what she would feel after being forgiven. Happy? Relieved? Those don't seem to fit.

I spent the rest of that session trying to think of how she'd feel after being forgiven. What seems like five minutes passes, and Josh is giving us an outlook on the rest of the day. Apparently, tubing's still on, despite the fact that you're going down a very steep hill covered entirely with ice. But, another option, of going on a hike, was given.

Ana and I chose to go on a hike with a small group, and the guys went ice-tubing (or as Ana and I called it, 'death-tubing').

The rest of the day sped by, and the thoughts of the morning's session continued to go through my mind. I just couldn't grasp what the woman felt like, as Jesus forgave her. Overjoyed and relieved don't seem to fit the picture.

Saturday turns to Sunday, and I still haven't slept. As we pack up our things for the ride back, I'm hoping to catch some sleep on the bus. The session from yesterday still seep into my thoughts. I just cannot grasp what she felt, and it's really starting to bug me. I don't know. Maybe I should just give up, trying to think of how she felt.

I mean, it's just a story, right? What does it have to do with what I'm going through?


	31. Chapter 31 Frail

**Chapter 31**

**Frail**

In the weeks that followed the retreat, Henry diagnoses me with mild depression and PTSD. I also suffer from insomnia, since the first night at the retreat, but I don't tell Henry that. I'm already taking enough 'happy pills' to last me a lifetime. I don't need any more sympathy.

I. Am. Fine.

I. Am. Not. Dead. `

People need to stop digging into our lives, and just leave us the _hell _alone. The shooting was old when I came out of the coma, and now I'm hearing that Komo News wants to do some special report on the hospital, interviewing Mom, Dad, Aunt Alice, and everyone else who was at the hospital that night. Including me. I was the 'star of the shooting'…both Dad and I, really, since we were the targets; and the only ones that lived.

I'm not sure how much of this I can take, before I rip someone's head off.

xXx

My first surgery since November came that weekend. After school Friday, Jake drove me to Swedish, where Dad was waiting with Dr. Hunt.

"Hey, if it isn't my star patient," Dr. Hunt chuckled, as Jake and I walked into the lobby.

"Awe, you're waiting for me," I smiled. "I feel so loved."

"Of course I am." Dr. Hunt said, as we walked down the hall. "What kind of chief would I be if I didn't?"

I was greeted by nurses, and doctors, as I got checked in, and settled into my room. I had about an hour before I had to be prepped, and it seemed everyone wanted to say hi.

Mark came in when it was time for my surgery prep.

"Miss me?" I smiled, as he pulled a cart into the room.

"I spend everyday thinking about you." Mark joked. "What's it like, being back in the real world?"

"Sucks," Mark takes my arm, and starts an IV drip. "Everyone's acting like I'm E.T., and I have an ass-load of work to finish before if I want to graduate on time. I'm losing sleep because I'm up until three trying to catch up."

"Oh, you'll be able to graduate on time." Mark offered. "I saw your friends bringing in work and helping you out while you were here. They want you to graduate."

"I'm not saying I won't graduate, I'm saying that my life's a living _hell_ at the moment."

"In a year, everything will return to normal. I see it all the time. People won't necessarily forget about what happened, but some new story will pop up sometime." Mark attached little heart monitors to my chest.

"I'm counting on it," I sighed.

Mark finished prepping me, and Dr. Torres, along with my parents, came into the room.

"Are you ready to head into the O.R., Miss Cullen?" Dr. Torres asked, as Mark put the surgical hair net over my head.

"I thought by now we'd be on first name basis, Dr. Torres," I smirked.

She raised an eyebrow, and I saw Mom and Dad smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Come on, Mark, let's take her to O.R. two," She sighed, shaking her head at me.

"I love you, sweetie," Mom said, giving me one last hug.

"Mom, I'll be fine," I assured her. "You of all people should know that it's a routine surgery. I'll be fine."

"I know, Nessie." Mom nodded.

Dad's turn was next. "I'll see you in two hours." He said, giving me a hug. "I love you."

"Love you too, Daddy," I smiled. "See you when I wake up."

Mom and Dad left the room, and I was taken down to the O.R. I was strapped to the hard table by my arms, and given the anesthesia. Soon, the world became hazy, as my brain fought for me to stay awake. I was given a little more, and the world became black, as I literally fell inside the black.

xXx

Edward and Bella sat in the surgical waiting room, waiting to hear news on their daughter's surgery. It felt strange—they were surgeons. They only ever came in this room to tell parents, husbands, wives, girlfriends, or boyfriends the outcome of their loved one's surgery.

This time, it was the other way around. Feeling out of place, in their scrubs, they sat for two hours, waiting for Marcus or Chloe to come out of surgery.

Bella had contemplated telling Edward what she had found out last night. It's not like he was never going to find out, she just wanted to find the right moment to tell him; whether that moment be now, waiting for Renesmee's surgery to be over, or in a few weeks, when the chance of losing this one would decrease. Then again, she had already made it two weeks longer than the last time.

At one point during the two hours, she had decided that she would tell him now, today, to avoid a repeat of last time. Just as she was going to talk to him about it, he had invited Jacob, who had been waiting with them, outside for a walk. Bella would just have to wait until they came back.

"I am _pregnant_," Bella whispered, still surprised by this news. "I am a forty-five year-old pregnant woman." She laughed a bit.

"My only daughter's graduating high school in five months, and I'm pregnant with our second child." Bella just couldn't believe it.

"What's that, love?" Edward asked, as he walked into the waiting room.

Bella jumped, surprised by her husband. "Nothing." She shook her head. "Where's Jake?"

"In the cafeteria," Edward said, sitting down next to his wife. "Now, what's that about Nessie graduating?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I was just thinking about how fast these last few years have been," Bella said quickly, not sure if she really wanted to tell Edward about the Baby.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" Edward raised his eyebrow, taking Bella's hand.

"I…um…" Bella shook her head, and laughed a little. "Edward," She looked into her husband's eyes. "I'm eight weeks pregnant."

Edward's eyes popped. "What?"

"I'm…" Before Bella could finish, Dr. Collins, the first-year intern, nervously approached the couple.

"She's being wheeled into recovery." She said. "They had to open her up, because there was some bleeding. They got it under control, though, and she's fine."

"That's good to hear, Dr. Collins." Edward smiled. "Now, you have some rounds to be getting to, I suspect?"

Dr. Collins nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Then get to them, Collins."

Dr. Collins nodded, and left. Edward turned to his wife.

"Eight weeks?"

Bella nodded. "I found out last week, and had an appointment this morning. I can't believe it, either."

Edward smiled, and wrapped his arms around his wife. "Things are going to get better from now on, love." He said. "Just wait."

xXx

I opened my eyes to a hazy world. Squinting, I tried to make things clearer. I was in a hospital room. After a few minutes of confusion, I remembered that I had just had surgery.

"Nessie?" I heard Jake's voice, and tried to move my head. I felt a pounding, and fell back against the bed with a soft moan. I closed my eyes.

"Don't move hon, the anesthesia's still in your system. The surgery ended fifteen minutes ago."

"Water…" was all I could manage with my raspy voice.

"Here," Jake put a straw in a plastic pink cup, and put it to my lips. I drank it, letting the cool of the water run down my sore throat.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" I asked, trying to get passed the fire coming from my throat.

"Talking in the hall about something…I don't know."

I tried to crane my neck, to look out the wall of the room, which was a window. Mom and Dad were standing by the nurse's station, talking. Mom kept placing a hand over her lower abdomen, smiling.

She wasn't.

Was she?

xXx

Since Tylenol wouldn't cut it for pain medication, I was put on a low dose of morphine. So, once again, I found myself in a dizzying, but fun, high, that left me feeling happy and wonderful. Pain was irrelevant, and I found myself a state of warm and fuzzy happiness. And, after watching _The Big Bang Theory _all of yesterday, it became a _very _interesting weekend.

"You want to hear a song, Jake?" I asked, as soon as I saw him walk into the room.

"It's a real nice song, about a kitty…" I trailed off.

"Sure…?" Jake knitted his eyebrows together, and sat down. He looked a bit confused.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…" I sang. "Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state, then merely fourteen billion years ago, expansion started…happy kitty…we built a wall, we built the pyramids!...sleepy kitty...math, science, history, unraveling the mystery that all started with the big bang!..."

I waited a few seconds, before shouting the last word. "BANG!" Then, softly, I sang three more words.

"Purr, purr, purr…"

"Um…" Jake said, after a long pause. "Okay." He nodded.

I laughed. "I'm _so_ high."

"Yes; yes you are." Jake laughed.

"You're a good boyfriend," I smiled slowly.

"So high right now…" Jake snickered.

"You know what," I thought. "You're the best boyfriend I've had in four years. That's a lot of boyfriends to compare to, and out of _ah-ll _of them, you're the best. You should be proud." I patted his hand with a smile.

"And people wonder why I don't hang out with stoners." Jake shook his head.

I started humming the _Big Bang Theory_ theme song. I could already tell it was going to be a _long _weekend.


	32. Chapter 32 Taking Over Me

**Chapter 32**

**Taking Over Me**

After a weekend of recuperation from the surgery, I go back to school on Tuesday, with a medium dose of Vicodin. For a normal person, that just takes away the pain. For me, however, it makes me tired and hyper at the same time. The teachers are going to hate me for the next few days.

Mom, by the way? Yeah, she's pregnant. Nine weeks, today. It's weird; for all of my life, I've wanted to be a big sister. When I was about four or five, I remember replacing all of her birth control pills for tic-tacs. When I was eight, I made a presentation about how much of a good sister I would be (specifically to a little brother). I gave up my campaign to be a sister when I was twelve. Now that I'm eighteen, and about to graduate high school, I finally get my chance. Of course, she's a high-risk pregnancy, due to her age. She could miscarry again. But since she's made it three weeks longer than before, we're all sort-of hopeful.

xXx

"Miss. Cullen," I heard the _extremely _annoyed voice of Mr. Brown. I instantly came back to present time, sitting straight in my seat.

"I would like you to give me the answer to last night's homework. I assume that Miss Dupree over here so kindly gave the assignment for you to make up."

"Huh?" I asked, furrowing my brows, trying to think of when I got homework from Alex.

"Page two-thirty-six, one through ten." Alex whispered, leaning a little bit out of her seat.

"Thank you, Miss Dupree, but I'm sure Miss Cullen can figure it out herself." Mr. Brown cast a long glance at me.

"Um…." I laughed a little. "Forty-two?"

Mr. Brown sighed. "No, Miss Cullen, that is not the correct answer."

A few kids snickered. I rolled my eyes, and slinked down into my seat.

Brown wrote my name up on the board. "I'd like to see you after class, Miss Cullen."

"Sure, thing, Brown,"

The rest of class went by, and the bell rang. Alex stayed behind with me, as Brown walked up to my seat with crossed arms.

"Miss Cullen," He sighed. "I know that you've been through a traumatic experience with your family. But, that is not an excuse to screw around in my classroom. Do you understand?"

"Sure thing, Mist-ah B." I smiled.

He narrowed his eyes at me, and raised an eyebrow. I heard Alex snicker.

"She forgot to tell you, Brown, but she's on a high dose of pain-killers; Vicodin specifically."

His eyes widened.

"Are you angry, Mr. B?" I said in a sing-song voice.

"Yes, Miss Cullen." He sighed.

"So, until the Vicodin wears off…" I got up and pointed behind him. "Dementor, dementor!"

He looked behind his back, and looked back at me, as I pulled my hood up, and waved my fingers in his face. Alex burst out in laughter.

"Get to class, Miss Cullen." Mr. Brown sighed, walking back to his desk. "I'll write you and Miss Dupree a pass."

He tore off two post-it notes, and signed them. He handed one to me and Alex. I glanced at mine.

_She has Vicodin in her system, and is __extremely __sensitive to pain-killers. _

_-Michael Brown_

"I recommend you keep that note, Miss Cullen."

"Uh-huh, sure thing." I nodded. Mr. Brown waved Alex and I off.

"Don't be late for your next class."

"Nice, Cullen," Alex snickered, as we walked out of his classroom. "You should come to school like this more often."

I laughed. "I'm sure I just earned enough dentations to last me a lifetime."

"It's not like you're doing this shit on purpose, you're just tripping on Vicodin. He wouldn't,"

"He would," I argued. "He's, like, the strictest guy I know."

"He likes you, though. If anyone else had done that, they'd be instantly sent to Berg."

"See you in _la clase de español_?"

Alex looked at me, and shook her head. I laughed. Alex dropped me by my 2nd period, warning the teacher that I was sensitive to pain-killers, but on a dose of Vicodin due to the surgery I had three days ago. I spent 2nd period in the back of the classroom, with my head buried in my arms, attempting to sleep. After class, I met Jake outside of the classroom. We headed towards our 3rd period, when Ana ran into us.

"Hey," Ana smiled, as she started walking with us.

"Hey, Ana," Jake said. "Long time, no see."

Ana laughed. "I know, right? I hardly have time for anything with finals coming up, youth group, and sports." She looked over at me.

"How are you, Nessie?"

I shrugged. "Vicodin helps."

Ana laughed. "Well, I should get going, before I'm late. But, I was wondering if you guys would like to come to youth group with me on Wednesday?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "See you then?"

Ana smiled. "Great. I'll text you later," She waved, as she headed down the hall.

Jake dropped me off in front of my Spanish class with a kiss.

"You okay?" He asked. "You look beat,"

_I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep last night, for the fifth week in a row. _"I'm fine," I insisted.

"Really," I gave Jake one last kiss. "I have to get going, and so do you." I placed my hand on the door handle.

"See you at lunch, okay?"

I waved, as I headed into the class. I spotted Alex, and sat down by her.

"I told her about the drugs," Alex whispered, as Señora Coe started class.

"You're so nice,"

"She said that we were watching a movie, the classic Willy Wonka, in Spanish. So, if you want, you can sleep."

I nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

Sra. Coe started the movie, and turned off the lights. I sat back, and watched.

"_No hay manera terrenal de saber ¿En qué dirección vamos__.__No hay saber dónde estamos remando ¿O de qué manera el río está fluyendo__.__  
><em>_¿Está lloviendo__?__  
><em>_¿Está nevando__?__  
><em>_Es un huracán que sopla una__?_"

My eyes widened as they went though the tunnel. I became mesmerized by the images on the wall, and started reciting the poem with Willy.

"_No es un punto de luz está mostrando__por lo que el peligro debe estar creciendo__.__¿Son los fuegos del infierno un brillante__? __Es el macabro corte cosechadora__?__¡Sí! El peligro debe estar creciendo__Para los remeros seguir remando__.__Y están mostrando ciertamente no__  
><em>_cualquier signo de que están retrasando._"

"Trippy…" I muttered, my eyes darting back and forth the classroom.

"Nessie, are you okay?" Alex whispered

"I….don't…know," I whispered.

Alex laughed. "Dude, you're tripping on Vicodin."

"Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not,"

Alex shook her head. "I'm so never letting you forget this."

"You know, I don't think I'm going to remember this. I can barely remember what I did when I was on morphine. You think I'm going to remember this?"

"I'll make sure you do."

I shook my head with a laugh. "Whatever you say, Alex."


	33. Chapter 33 Deterioration

**Chapter 33**

**Deterioration**

Youth group that night was like the retreat. There was a game of girls v. guys dogeball, worship, and then a message about how God was with us. Jim started off the night with a music video from a group called 'MercyMe', on the song 'God With Us.'

"Oh, I _love _this song," Ana whispered, as the song started. "It's my favorite MercyMe song, right after 'Homesick'."

_What do you see, that's worth looking our way? We are free; in ways that we never should be. Sweet release, from the grip of these chains. _

_Like hinges strainging from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing! All that is withen me cries, for you alone, be glorified, Emanuel; God with us. My heart sings a brand new song, this debt is paid, these chains are gone, Emanuel; God with us…_

The music video ended, and Jim picked up the microphone. "I just _love _that song," He said.

"It comes from Isaiah 7:14. _The LORD himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will concieve. She will give birth to a Son, and she will call Him Immanuel, which means 'God with us'_"

"Unpack those three words: God with us. It can be a bit overwhelming, can't it? But, with no verb in the phrase, it takes out the past, present, or future. There is no time frame where He is with us. Here is a blessing to remind us that wherever we are in our lives—may it be our vast geographies, our span of experiences, or our unique situations—God is _always_ with us."

I crossed my arms and sank lower into my seat. _Yeah, right. _I thought.

_Where was He when Jake and Sarah were hit by that drunk driver? Where was He at homecoming? Where was He when my family was falling apart? Where is He now; when I can't sleep? Where is He; when I feel like falling down, and giving up? _

_Where is He?_

"God is with us in our distractions, He's with us in the things that we cannot control.

God's with us in the mundane things, and in our losses…can you guys think of any other times He's with us?"

A bunch of kids raised their hands, and Jim nodded to them, as they gave off their answers.

"When we feel like falling down,"

"When we feel like giving up,"

"He's with us in our joy," Ana said.

Jim nodded. "That's right. God is with us, in our pain, and in our joy. God with us, nuding us, loving us, and coming after us when we choose not to be with Him."

Jim dismissed everyone to 'Small Group Time', and we disperesed into our groups. Jake followed Max, and I stayed close to Ana.

I stayed silent while everyone else was talking about the message, and how they felt about it. After 'Small Groups', we were dismissed to go to the lobby to socialize until we felt like leaving.

I was pulled aside by one of Ana's small group leaders.

"Hey," she smiled. "Renesmee, right?"

I nodded.

"I'm Shayln. It's nice to see you here."

I smiled lightly. "Thanks,"

"You were really quiet during small group; are you okay?"

_No. _"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired, you know, with finals, and still being behind…"

"You sure?"

I nodded, trying to smile.

"Well, if you need anything, you can call."

I nodded, faking a smile. We walked out of the room, and I found Jake in the lobby.

"Hey," Jake slipped his hand into mine.

"Hey," I smiled.

"You okay?" Jake furrowed his eyebrows. "You've been acting a little different,"

"I'm fine." I insisted.

"Oh, there you are," Ana smiled, walking up to us. "Did you like it? You were quiet during small group,"

"Yeah, it was okay."

Ana smiled. "Good, I'm glad you liked it. Maybe you and Jake can come next week?"

"Maybe," I brushed my hair out of my face. "I should propably get going, though, I have a lot of homework I need to finish."

"Need a ride?"

I shook my head. "Jake can take me. He doesn't live too far from where I live,"

"Okay, well, see you tomorrow?"

I nodded. "See you tomorrow,"

xXx

_Nessie-_

_There was a ferry accident, and we got paged. We don't know how long we'll be there, but we probably won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. Page us or your Aunt Alice if you need anything. _

_Mom & Dad_

I take the note off the fridge, throw it in the garbage, and get ready for bed.I do my normal routine of taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and getting into comfortable pjs. I turned off the lights in my room, and tired to get to sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, but I couldn't sleep.

I sat up, throwing a pillow to the ground. _Why can't I sleep? _

I fell back against the other two pillows in defeat, tears streaming down my face.

"_What _do you want from me?" I asked, beginning to sob. "Why won't you just leave me alone, and let me sleep?"

I turned, burying my face in the pillows. "Why are you doing this?" I whispered between cracked sobs.

I lifted myself, punching the pillows. I looked up at the dark ceiling. "If You're this great, almighty thing that Ana and everyone else says You are, then why didn't you stop that accident?

If You really are with us, then where were you, when Sarah died, and when Billy lost it? Why didn't you stop it? Is there a reason for this _pain_? If you really are the 'Healer', then why do I feel like this? Why won't you take the pain away? My hurt?

Where were You when I was shot, when Dad was shot? When those ten innocent people were _killed_? Why did You let this happen?" I shouted.

I grab one of my pillows and bury my face in it, screaming into it.

It was going to be a long night.

xXx

Mom and Dad are still gone the next morning, which is good for me. They don't know about last night...or the last few weeks. I haven't told anyone that I haven't been sleeping, and that includes my parents.

It's easy to hide. A hot shower, Visine, and Preparation H under my eyes-no matter how disgusting it is-hides the tired eyes. Black coffee helps with the energy levels, and since I 'get up' at 5:30 to make myself look like I've slept all night, I have time to make a good breakfast, which also helps alongside the coffee.

White eyeliner on the lower lids, and black on the top makes my eyes look awake, as well as the color of eyeshadow I use. Makeup adds to the illusion that I've slept.

It took me an hour and a half to make myself look like I'm not an insomniac; that I haven't lost sleep over the last five weeks.

It took me an hour and a half to make people believe that I was someone that I wasn't anymore.


	34. Chapter 34 Deny, Deny, Deny

**Chapter 34**

**Deny, Deny, Deny**

_I am the comfortable secure; the definition of this wasted world; and, I have perfected deceit; even I believe I'm above saving. And I'll never let you see I am the broken, I am the bruised. I am the poor ones; I have been used. _~Song For the Broken, BarlowGirl

xXx

"Renesmee," Henry smiled, as he came into the house. "It's good to see you."

I cast a glare at him, and continued walking into the living room.

"I don't need a counselor, I don't know why _you_ keep coming back."

"Not only do your parents disagree with that statement, Miss Cullen, I do as well. I'm not done until I've seen it that you will tell me everything."

"I _have _been telling you everything," I said, frustrated, as Henry sat in couch adjacent to the one I was in.

"I told you about that night, I told you what I feel about it. That's what everyone else had to tell you to get cleared. There's nothing else to tell,"

"You haven't been telling me everything, Renesmee, you and I both know that. It would be alot easier for the both of us if you stop pretending. Until then, this isn't going to go anywhere."

I rolled my eyes, and turned away from him.

Henry sighed. "Well, Renesmee, I heard some great news today, from your parents; about your mother's pregnancy?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Twins. They said that it's common in older women."

"Are you excited to be an older sister?" Henry asked.

"I guess," I shrugged. "I've always wanted to have a little brother, ever since I can remember. But when I was twelve, I gave up my campaign."

"Why would you do that?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Because I was _twelve_," I said. "My parents were old…are old. It was the sex ed that really pushed me to give up my campaign; my parents are world class attending surgeons, who are almost never home. I put two and two together, Henry. My parents didn't have time to have sex,"

"You'd be surprised," Henry commented.

"Obviously."

"How are you doing, Rensmee?"

I looked over at Henry. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Do what?" Henry looked confused.

"_This_," I said. "Where you pretend you're interested in what I'm saying, and I pretened you actually care about what I have to say. We don't have to keep doing this."

"I'm not pretending, Renesmee,"

"Yeah," I turned away, and buried my head in my arms. "Right."

"Renesmee," I heard him shift in his seat, and sigh. "Look. I know that you don't like this. You would much rather be anywhere but here. You haven't liked me since day one. I get it."

I continued to ignore him.

"There was this patient I had, just like you. She was depressed, she cut herself. She starved herself, because she hated what she saw in the mirror. She didn't like the sessions, either. She _hated _me, in fact."

I lifted my head, and looked over at him. "I don't starve myself, and I don't cut myself."

"But you are hiding everything she did." Henry said. "She told me that she was fine. That she didn't need counseling. She didn't talk to anyone about her depression, about her cutting, or about the eating disorder. She didn't get the help she needed. One day, her mother called me in tears. She couldn't make out any of the words she was trying to get through. I hung up, and went to the house. Her mother led me to the bathroom, where there was a trail of blood, leading to her dead body, lying in the tub." He took a deep breath, as if he was trying to rid himself of the memory.

"That girl..." I said, trying to search for words. "That girl...she was your daughter, wasn't she?"

Henry ignored the question, which answered it for me. "Renesmee, do you know why I told you that story?"

I shook my head, looking down at the floor.

"Renesmee, you and I both know that you have dug yourself in a hole so deep, that the only way that you'll get better, is if you actually tell me what's going on. I'm not sure if even that can get you out of it. Denial isn't just a river in Eygpt anymore, Renesmee. It's an ocean. And the only way to save yourself from drowning, is if you grab onto the life preserver that's only three feet from where you are."

xXx

"Renesmee, are you sure your okay?" Mom asked, as I searched for my bag. "You look like hell,"

"I should be asking you that," I said, eyeing Mom's slight, 13-week bump.

She crossed her arms. "Renesmee,"

I sighed. "I know, Mom, I shouldn't have said that." I ran a hand through my hair.

"I"m just tired, okay? I haven't been sleeping very well, because I have an ass-load of homework that I still need to finish, and on top of that, I'm not even sure if I'm going to graduate on time."

"Maybe you should stay home today," Mom said. "Take the day off; relax. That much stress isn't good for your body, and I highly doubt that Chloe wants to see you today."

I shook my head. "I can't miss any more than I have."

Mom eyed me, but shook it off. "Okay. Page if you need anything." She gave me a quick kiss, and headed out the door.

"Your father will be home around four; I have E.R. rounds tonight, but I should be off by eleven."

"Have a good day," I waved, as she left.

I went to the bathroom, and quickly did a touch-up, before meeting Alex outside.

"Hey," She smiled, as I got into her car. "How are you?" She pulled off of the sidewalk, and drove down the street.

I shrugged. "Better,"

"You sure?" Alex glanced at me. "You look like hell,"

"I'm fine," I insisted.

Alex raised her eyebrow at me, but changed the subject.

"So…" She pushed air out of her mouth. "Your mom's really _pregnant_?"

I nodded. "Thirteen weeks…3 months. With twins."

"_Twins_?" Alex's eyes popped, and her mouth gapped. "You can't be serious."

I nodded. "Yep." I said. "Twins. They said that it's more common in women like my mother…which also puts her at an even higher-risk pregnancy. I mean, she's already _way _past the 'safe age' to have anymore kids, _and_ on top of that, there's two."

"You excited?" Alex turned on her blinker, and switched lanes. "I mean, you've wanted to be a sister forever. I helped you trade her birth control for tic-tacs, remember?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "Where did the time go?"

"Good times," Alex laughed. She turned into the school parking lot.

Alex sighed happily. "I wish I could go back,"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Me, too."

xXx

The first half of the day went smoothly. I think I'm really starting to get caught up to everyone else. I might be able to graduate on time, if I keep this up. I just can't get sick, and kept the insomnia on the 'low-down', I just might graduate with Alex and Jake.

"Hey, beautiful," Jake smiled, sitting down next to me, Alex, and Garrett at our table. He gave me a quick kiss.

"How are you?"

"Is everyone going to ask me that today?" I asked. "First, Mom, then Alex, not to mention every teacher, Berg, Garrett, and now, you."

"I'm sorry…?" Jake furrowed his eyebrows.

I sighed, and gave him a kiss. "I'm fine. Just a little stressed. Happy?"

Jake laughed. "Very."

"Oh, look," The familiar voice of Kaylee Newton came into range, "if it isn't Miss-Little-Shooting-Victim; I forgot to ask you, how's it like to be shot?"

I looked up at her, and smiled. "It felt wonderful; _such _an adrenaline rush. Maybe you should try it out sometime. Oh wait, you wouldn't be able to handle it because of your bitchiness."

Alex laughed so hard her food came out of her mouth, and she began to choke. Garrett whacked her back, and she began breathing again.

"Nice one….Cullen," Alex laughed, as she tried to stay breathing.

Kaylee glowered at me. "You think that this is funny?"

"Apparently,"

Kaylee narrowed her eyes at me, and groaned. "You win this time, Cullen." She said, walking away from our table.

"Just remember; that guy you're dating? His father ruined your life." She walked off without another word.

_His father ruined your life. _The comment rang though my head. Was it true? He was the one who shot me—but ruined my life? Is he the reason that I can't sleep at night? The reason I'm depressed? The reason that I'm screaming at night? Why it takes me so long to pretend to be something that I'm not?

"She's just jealous, Nessie. Don't listen to her," I heard Alex say. I felt her arm over my arm.

"She wants Jake for herself. She's just a bitch who thinks she can get what she wants by saying that shit. Don't listen to her."

I didn't look up. I didn't acknowledge the comment. I stared at my food, picking at it with my fork.

Was my life really ruined?

"Nessie?" Jake asked. His arm replaced Alex's. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, trying to keep a straight face. I got up from the table, and threw the full plate of food away.

"I'm outstanding," I said quietly. "I'm well. Excellent. I'm in good health. I'm all right. Sufficient. Satisfactory." I left the table, and I knew that Alex was following me.

Leaving the PAC, I pick up on several conversations.

_How are you?_

_How are you doing?_

_What's up?_

_Are you okay?_

_Tell me how you're doing, _

_How are you? _

_How are you?_

I can't take it anymore. Tears stream down my face, as I quickly look for an empty bathroom. I can still feel Alex following me.

"Nessie!" She shouted. "Nessie, what the hell is going on? Where are you going?"

I ignored her. I found an empty bathroom, and went to the sink furthest from the door. I ran the tap water, and cupped my hands under it. It was cold; but at least it was something to feel.

"Nessie, what the hell?" I heard Alex. I heard her shut and lock the door.

I splashed the cold water on my face, and gripped the sink, staring at my face in the mirror. It was red. My make-up had smeared off a bit, leaving ugly black lines on my cheeks. I looked like hell; I felt like it, too.

"What is going on?" Alex asked. I saw her behind me in the mirror. "You've been acting completely different, Ness, ever since Homecoming. You're different, Nessie. I know you're hiding something, Nessie, _just tell me what it is_." She grabbed me from the sink, facing me towards her.

"I am your _best friend_, Renesmee," She said. "_I care about you," _Her grip on my wrists became tighter.

"Tell me what the _hell _is going on with you. And no more of that 'I'm fine' shit. I'm not buying it anymore, Cullen."

I closed my eyes, and took a shaky breath. Opening them, I looked into Alex's eyes.

"I'm depressed." I started. "I have P.T.S.D. I'm insomniac; Alex, I haven't slept in eight weeks; not the insomnia where it's difficult to sleep; I have not slept. At all. In eight weeks." I was breathing hard, as I let somethings out.

"You _haven't slept_?" Alex's eyes widened. "Nessie, are you _insane?_"

"You think that I don't want sleep, Alex?" I got angry. "Because that's the only thing I want right now. I've tried _everything, _Alex; hypnosis, sleeping pills…nothing works, Alex. I've tried."

"Nessie…" Alex shook her head, covering her eyes with her hand. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. "Maybe I just wanted to be okay."

Alex didn't say anything. She just stared at me in utter shock. From the way the silence settled in the air, and from the way we were frozen where we stood, one would think that time stopped moving. Seconds ticked by, and Alex searched my eyes, looking worried.

Her brown eyes were wide open, her mouth covered by her hand. After what seemed like years, she made the first movement; she ran her hand down the length of her face.

"Are you going to say something?" I asked. "You're my _person, _Alex, you have to know what to do."

She shook her head. "Ness, this is beyond fixing. You need help, Nessie. You need to talk to someone—what have your parents been paying Henry for?"

"I don't like Henry," I said. "He's not my person, Alex, _you _are person."

"Ness, this is beyond...this is beyond _everything. _I can't help, Ness, I just don't know what to do. Is there _anyone, _anyone at all who you could talk to about this?"

I sunk to the floor, putting my head in my hands. "If my person can't tell me what to do, who can?"

Out of nowhere, came a thought. Ana could help. Right?

"Ana," I said, lifting my head and looking at Alex. "Ana can help—she's a God person. I'm sure she can think of something."

I stood up, quickly wiped my face with a paper towel, and Alex and I left the bathroom. I searched for Ana, and found her in the commons with Max.

"Ana," I said, as Alex and I walked up to her. "We need to talk."

"Sure, what is it?"

I glanced over at Max. "Alone. We need to talk alone."

Ana looked worried, but got up from her table. "I'll see you later, Max." She followed Alex and I back out of the commons, and into an abandoned hall.

"What do you need to talk about?" Ana asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

I was once again on the verge of tears. "Ana, ever since that first night at that retreat we went too, I haven't slept. Like, _haven't _slept. Not even five minutes. I've tried everything; hypnosis, calc homework, sleeping pills..." I shook my head. "I'm depressed, I have P.T.S.D, and I'm an insomniac. I don't know what to do...I need help, but I don't know how to get it. I thought that since you're this total Christian-person that you would have an answer."

"Nessie, that's...insane," Ana said. "It's been two months since the retreat. No one can go on without sleep for that long, Nessie, they'd go insane."

"Maybe I am insane, then." I sat against the wall, and slowly fell to the floor. "I don't know what to do anymore, where to go. I can't go on like this. Even my _person _doesn't know what to do. I've tried _everything,_ Ana."

Ana sunk on the balls of her feet, and looked at me in the eye. "Maybe it's time to let God take control...for lack of a better term, Nessie, let Jesus take the wheel. This is beyond us, beyond everything, Nessie. I think it's time to let Him take control."

I shook my head, closing my eyes. "I don't _want _that." I whispered.

"This isn't a problem that you can talk about with friends, or with a counselor, Nessie. It's passed that, and beyond earthly people. You need to let God take control, Nessie. He's with you, and He wants to help you. But you have to let him in. If you don't..." She closed her eyes, thinking of the worst.

"I'm not suicidal," I said.

"Ness, you haven't slept in two months, and you've held everything inside for God knows how long." Alex said, sounding scared.

"I don't want to lose you. You're my person, Nessie. I can't lose my person."

"I can't do this." I whispered. I pulled out my phone as I stood up. I called Mom and Dad's pager, letting them know that I was leaving school, and that I needed to talk to them.

"Nessie, where are you going?" Ana and Alex followed me out of the hall, as I went to the office.

"I'm going home," I said, as we stood outside the main office. "I can't do this today. I…" I shook my head. "I just need to go home."

I opened the door, and left my friends standing there, mouths gaping open. I signed myself out at the attendance office, and left the building.

"Nessie, wait," Alex said, chasing me out of the school. "At least, let me drive you home. You're not in the state to drive, and if you remember, I drove you to school this morning."

We walked down to the parking lot. Most of the ride home was silent.

"Look, Nessie," Alex said, parking her car in front of my house. "You need to talk to someone. Anyone. Please…" She looked down, her eyes searching the floor. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Maybe Ana's right." She whispered, not looking up. "You've tried everything else. Maybe now would be a really good time to pray; it's the only thing left."

"Yeah." I whispered, not meeting her eyes. I grabbed my purse, and left the car. I didn't turn back to see if Alex had left or not, I just continued into the house.

"Renesmee," I heard Dad's voice from the living room, as I kicked off my shoes in the entryway.

"I'm here," I walked up the stairs, and found my parents sitting on the couch. The loveseat had been moved across from the couch, and the coffee table was in between the two.

"We need to talk," Mom said, as I sat in the empty seat.

"Why won't you tell us anything?" Dad asked. "Renesmee, you haven't slept in eight weeks. I'm debating on whether or not we should admit you into pysch right now, because this is _insane. _This has gone on _long enough, _Renesmee. You need to talk to someone—why do you think we keep Henry around?" He was trying not to yell, but he was angry. Color rose in his cheeks, as he tried to stay calm.

I was stunned, almost to the verge of tears. "You…you know?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

"Renesmee, we _love _you," Mom said. "We're your _parents. _We know everything about you, whether or not you know it. You can't hide eight weeks of pure insomnia, Renesmee, what's going on?" She sounded broken. Hurt. She had tear stains on her cheeks.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. They stung the back of my eyes. I looked down.

"I don't know. _I don't know_ what the _hell _is going on anymore." I placed my forehead in my hands.

"_Nothing _is going right. I can barely stand anymore. I can't do this alone."


	35. Chapter 35 Owner of a Lonely Heart

**Chapter 35**

**Owner of a Lonely Heart**

_Jacob Black_

Twelve years ago, I fell in love. I had just turned five, my sisters were ten. We had just moved from Chicago to Seattle, when Mom decided she no longer wanted to work for St. Joseph's near Lincoln Park, but for Seattle Children's. That way, she rationalized, they could experience a new place, and be able to be closer to her and Dad's best friends—Edward and Bella Cullen. It was late May when we had finally found a house, and we moved May 31st. One week later, the Cullens arrived.

I remember being _so _excited that I was meeting someone my age—just a few months younger. My parents were excited as well; they remembered the stupid things that they had done together as kids, teens, early adults. When I had heard that the kid I was meeting was a _girl_…man, was I upset. I wasn't going to have a friend to play pirates, or superhero with. Instead, my playmate was a four-year old_ girl_. All I knew about girls was that they wore frilly dresses, and _hated _getting dirty.

Nontheless, it would have been nice to know someone in this new home. So, I put my best foot forward, and despite the fact that she was a girl, I was at least going to be a gentleman, and get to know her.

I'll admit; she was pretty, wearing that butterfly dress. We both had hid behind our mother's legs, shy with each other. Her mom, Bella, smiled when she saw me, remembering that the last time she had saw me, I was an infant. Defending my five-year-old male pride, I replied with "I was always this big!"

Mom suggested that we go inside to have lunch. There, the adults had begun to reminise, and got to know us kids a little better. After lunch, they let us play outside.

I remember her coming up to me, asking what I had been doing. I was making mud pies, things that girls _hated._ She asked if she could join, and in the nicest way possible, I told her that she was a girl, and girls _hated_ mud pies.

"Oh yeah?" She replied, picking up a handful of mud. She looked at me with that crooked smile, and then threw it at my face.

That's when I knew that I was in love. Smiling, I had thrown the pie in my hand at her face. I allowed her to make mud pies with me, knowing that she was different from the other girls. Her name was Renesmee. I called her Nessie, which I thought was cool, because it was like the Loch-Ness Monster in my Book of Monsters.

Unfortunetly, the end of the day came, and she had to go home. Mom and Dad had made arrangments for a play-date for us at her house, knowing how much we had enjoyed our time together.

Two weeks later was the worst day of my life. Mom and I had gone to get dinner, a pizza that I personally had requested. I wanted to rent a movie, but Mom had said no. Crying, I had told her I hated her.

I have regretted those three words every day since. Out of nowhere, a car came spirialing at us. We had maybe three seconds for a reaction, and by the time she figured that, it was already too late. He hit our car, going nearly fifty miles an hour, twenty-five miles above the posted limit. The impact made Mom fly out of her seat, and smash her head through the window. The one thing I remember from that car accident was seeeing her feet on the dashboard. Everything goes black after that.

The next thing I remember was being treated by Nessie's mom, and asking where mine was. She walked out of the room, and a nurse came in, and told me that she had died.

Everything changes in an instant.

Dad stopped being…Dad. He couldn't work for almost a year, because Mom wasn't there. Two, three years passed, and even though he was back at work, nothing changed.

It was like he was gone, too. All I had were Racheal and Rebecca, and they tried their best. But they weren't Mom. No one was Mom.

I wished that I had never told her that I hated her. I still do, because what if I had never told her that I hated her? Would she still be here?

We stopped seeing Nessie and her family. Dad began to hold a grudge against the man he used to call his friend. I thought that I would have at least been able to see her at school, but after the first day (which by the way, sucked), I had realized that she was at a different school. I thought that I would never love again. No other girl was Renesmee, except Nessie herself.

I tried asking why we couldn't see her, and her family. It wasn't her dad's fault that she had died, it was mine. He should have been mad at me, not Edward. But, it was the same thing. One day, I just stopped asking.

I learned to take care of myself, since Dad had a hard time after she died. Life changes on a dime.

Eventually, the pain went away. Although for Dad, it didn't. I would still find him in his room, an empty Vodka bottle in hand (although rare, it still happened). My sisters and I figured out that life moves on, although there's death that you can't get over, and that's okay. We recovered, although it was like a solitary distance run; long, hard, and lonely as Hell; especially on Mother's Day. Our friend's didn't understand our pain; our loss. They never would. I envied each and every one of them, because whereas my home was broken, there's wasn't. They had two parents, not a dead one, and one who was dead on the inside. I longed for my friends to take me in, so I wouldn't have to go back to the pain. So I could have two parents.

Life moves on. It never stops, even when it feels like it should.

Twelve years passed, and I was beginning to forget about the girl I fell in love with when I was five. Although, I still had an empty longing that I tried to fill with other girls; with football.

I filled it with football so much, that I became Seattle's star. Every school wanted me, I was getting college scholorships as soon as I entered Franklin High. When I was a senior, I was transferred to Garfield, due to my high grades and football status.

The first day of school, I was already in the popular crowd, which meant that I would be going to some cheerleader's party that night. The rest of the day goes by, and after football practice that night, the team goes straight to the party. I learned that the chick hosting the party is Alexandria, better known as Alex, and that if I ever called her by her Christian name, she would kill me. I had found her boyfriend, Garrett, and we hit it off pretty well. We spent about an half hour or so playing until Alex called my name. I turned to find _her. _It couldn't be her, could it? She intoduced us, her name was Renesmee. It was really her.

At first, we didn't recognize each other, although our names were familiar enough. We ended up in Alex's bedroom (I found out that she and Alex were practically sisters), talking about ourselves. I didn't share about my parents. I kissed her, and she kissed me back. It was the best kiss I had ever had.

The next day, I knew it was her. Because her aunt had told her our history, and she told me. The love that I never thought would return, did. And I couldn't be happier. We started dating, and it was amazing.

Homecoming 2014. The second worst day of my life. She was shot; my father shot her, and went to shoot her father, killing them both. I don't know why, or how; no one does. They survived, Edward was shot in the heart, but Renesmee; she was shot in the stomach. That's a slow and painful death. But, she didn't die. She was sure as hell close, and we all thought that she would die, although there was shred She didn't die. She survived. My dad, however, shot himself. Out of all honesty, I had gotten my wish, because the second that bastard shot her, I had wished him dead. He was selfish. He deserved life in prison, hell, the goddamned death sentence, because he had killed ten innocent people that day, and shot twelve.

But she was alright, and at that moment, she was all that mattered.

I hate my father for the childhood I had.

Now, nearly four months after, everything's falling apart. Nessie doesn't sleep anymore, for the past two months. She won't talk to anyone, not even me, about what's going on. I'm worried _sick _about her. She's dug herself so _goddamn _deep, that nothing will save her.

Lightining was supposed to strike once. This time, it struck twice.

xXx

Alex, Nessie, and I have the same sixth period, but when I walk in about a minute late, Nessie wasn't in the room—hell, I haven't seen her since she and Alex ran off at lunch.

"Where's Ness?" I asked Alex, taking a seat next to her, and pulling out the assignment from last night.

"She broke down, went home after lunch. She's talking with Bella and Edward right now."

"She told you everything?"

Alex nodded, and then furrowed her brows. "You knew? She said the first person she told was me, because I'm her person."

"It's hard to hide eight weeks of sleepless nights," I said. "So she's at home right now?"

Alex nodded. "I'm worried about her, Jake, she's acting so…different. She's not herself anymore. What if…?" She left the last few words out, letting me figure it out on my own.

_What if she commits suicide?_

"She won't." I said. "She wouldn't."

"She could," Alex whispered, looking like she would burst into tears.

Before anything else could happen, we were repremanded by the teacher, and the rest of the period was silent. After school, heading to the car, the anger built. Alex was right—she could. She needs to be saved, and it seems the only way to do that would be to get her to talk. The problem was, is that she wouldn't.

I would make that change.

I got to her house, and quickly got out of the car, slamming it as I walked onto the pavement. I knocked on the door, and while I waited for someone to answer, I rubbed my hand down my face, and my hair, taking in a shaky breath.

Nessie answered the door; she looked like _hell_. She was changed into a pair of yoga pants and a spagetti-strapped tank top, despite the freezing weather of March. Her face was red, puffy. Tear stains trailed her cheeks.

"What do you want?" She asked, trying to keep an even voice. "Do you want to ask how I am? Because I'm doing just _fine_," She glared.

"We need to talk," I said, also trying to stay calm. I walked into the foyer, and she shut the door.

"I'm fine," She said, walking upstairs. I followed, and cornered her against a wall in the hallway.

"No, you're not." I said. "You haven't slept in _weeks_, Renesmee. You had a breakdown in school over a stupid comment Kaylee made. You're lying. And I've had enough of this _bullshit._" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"No, I'm not fine." Renesmee said, getting angry. She pushed me away, and walked down the hall into their living room.

"I'm depressed, Jacob. I haven't slept…Jacob, I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried _everything!_" She turned to face me, and a stream of fresh tears were falling from her eyes.

"You need to talk to us, Renesmee. You don't tell us _anything_!"

"Maybe becase I want to forget this ever happened," She said calmly. "Don't you want to just forget about this? The shooting, your father…everything?"

"I wish I could, Renesmee, but I can't. It will never go away. Just because you want to hide everything, it doesn't mean it will go away. It makes it worse, Renesmee, believe me. I've gone through it, and I've seen it. You know what happened to the last guy who did that? He killed himself. If you keep doing this…" I couldn't say it.

"I'm not suicidal, Jacob," She whispered in a low voice.

"Really?" I asked. "Renesmee, you haven't slept in _months_. You can't just spend the rest of your life without sleep without going insane. You don't talk to us, Renesmee, how am I supposed to trust that you're fine, when you're not acting like it?"

She didn't say anything. She sat on the couch, and buried her head in her hands.

"Do you even know you're drowning? That you're so far into this hole, that no one can save you?" I asked quietly, standing across from her.

"I know," She whispered. "Denial's an ocean, Jacob. I'm so far out, and I don't know if I can get back."

"I learned something when Mom died," I sat next to Nessie. "I learned that lighting doesn't often strike twice; that it's supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing." She didn't look up at me, but I continued.

"Even when it feels like the shock keeps coming, Renesmee, the pain _will _go away, the shock _will_ wear off, and you survive; even if you took a _hell _of a hit. That only happens if you let it, Renesmee. Some people, Renesmee…some people, like Billy? They don't recover. They don't let the pain go away, they keep feeling the shock; and if it goes on long enough, Renesmee, the worst happens. With Billy, that was suicide. Right now, for you, that's the insomnia; but if you don't talk about this, if you don't let the shock take it's course and go away, then…" I closed my eyes, and shook my head.

"I'm not letting that happen to you, Renesmee, _I love you._" I took her face in my hands, and wiped away some of her tears with the pads of my thumbs.

"I love you. You're the only thing that matters to me. I'm not letting this get any worse than it is. I want you to get better, Renesmee. So why won't you talk to me? To anyone?"

She lifted her head from my hands, and I wrapped her in my arms.

"It's okay," I whisper, as she begins to cry so hard she can't catch her breath. I stroke her hair, and give the crown of her head a small kiss.

"You and I? We're a team. We're going to get through this together. Everything's going to be okay."

Sometimes, it takes a long time to recover from the initial blow; sometimes, the initial blow sets off a chain reaction of events, of feelings, just like this. Remember what I said earlier, about how recovery is a solitary distance run?

Recovery is _long. _Recovery is _exhausting_. Recovery is _hard_; and it's lonely as_ hell_, even when you're surronded by people, because even then, you feel alone.

Even then, you have to push through. Or you'll never get to the finish line.


	36. Chapter 36 Much too Much

**Chapter 36**

**Much too Much**

_I'm not a stranger; no I am yours. With crippled anger, and tears that still drip sore. A fragile frame aged; with misery. And when our eyes meet, I know you see. I do not want to be afraid; I do not want to die inside just to breath in. I'm tired of feeling so alone; relief exists, I find it when I am cut. _~Cut, by Plumb.

xXx

_Renesmee_

Since that little breakdown I had at school, and the fight I had with Jake, nothing's changed. I'm still having sleepless nights, and I'm still drowning in Denial. Although, Ana was right. This sleep thing was a God-thing. He was the reason why I couldn't sleep anymore; ever since that first night. I decided to start going to youth group with Ana every week, hoping that it would help.

So far, nothing.

Mom's now seventeen weeks into the pregnancy. There's no doubt about it now, I'm going to be a sister. She's actually starting to show, too. It's interesting, really, to be a senior in high school, and watch my mom progress in her second pregnancy. It seems all surreal, even with the pictures they bring home after an appointment. I just can't believe that after all these years, I'm finally going to be a sister.

With a week before Spring Break, I was so close to being caught up; I was going to graduate. I also learned at my last appointment that I wouldn't need any more surgeries, unless something happened. Finally, it seemed as if everything was going back to normal; now if only I could fish myself out of this ocean.

xXx

Easter Sunday; probably one of my favorite Sundays ever since I was little; waking to find a little basket filled with chocolate, and a toy, having the biggest family dinner we had all year, alongside Christmas and Thanksgiving, and just the fact that it was a day filled with family. I remember going to little Easter egg hunts when I was four, and tackling other kids to get to the obviously placed eggs, and then complaining about how they weren't very well hidden, like they ought to be. I also remember once, being so afraid of the guy in the Easter Bunny suit, that I had kicked him in the shins.

This year, one of Mom's nurse co-workers in the Peds ward, Kiana (Ana's mother, as I found out later), had invited us to her church's Easter service. Mom decided that we'd give it a shot, so early Sunday morning, we got dressed in Sunday's finest, and headed to Generation Church.

"Hey," Ana smiled, finding us in the parking lot. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Yeah," I nodded. "Me too."

"How are you doing, by the way?" Ana asked, as we walked up the steps to the church entrance.

"This marks my twelfth week without sleep," I said, as we walked into the building. We smiled and thanked the ushers at the doors, as they handed us programs.

"Still?" Ana asked. "Nessie, you really need to get help. This isn't normal."

"Technically, I guess you could say I'm sleeping now, because now I get in about half-an hour."

"Still..." Ana looked concerned, but didn't question me further. Looking around the auditorium, she began to look surprised.

"Nessie, isn't that Jake?" She asked, pointing out someone who did look a lot like my boyfriend. I looked closer, and found Rose, Emmett, and my cousins.

"I didn't know your brother went to church," Mom said.

"Neither did I," Dad said.

Emmett noticed us, and waved us over, showing that there were a few empty seats by where they were sitting, somewhere in the middle of the left side of the sanctuary.

"Jake, you should sit next to me," I heard Genesis, now thirteen, say, as we walked closer.

"No, Jake, sit next to me," Genevieve (twelve) argued.

I chuckled lightly, hearing my cousin's argument over a boy who was five years older than them.

"Hey, Ness's here," Hayden said, pushing Hyatt out of his seat. Hyatt retaliated by pushing the other Terror out of the seat.

"Boys," Aunt Rose raised her eyebrows, and they instantly stopped fighting over the seat.

"Sorry," They mumbled.

Ana laughed. "Interesting family," She commented.

"Ana, I'd like you to meet my cousins," I smiled. "There's the girls, Genesis and Genevieve, and then the Little Terrors, Fred, and George, better known as Hayden and Hyatt." I pointed them out, and Ana greeted them.

"There's also the sweetie, Aimee," I nodded over towards the stroller that held the six-month old.

"And my aunt and uncle, Rose and Emmett," Ana shook each of their hands.

"Little bro, you didn't tell me you went to church," Dad said, as we all found seats.

"We go on Easter and Christmas Eve," Rose answered. "I've grown up going every few Sundays, and I want the kids to at least a little well-rounded."

Dad nodded, and the service opened with a song, called _Forever Reign_. There was a welcome message after the first song, and then three more were sung. So far, it was just like another youth group_. _

"Once again, let me just thank you all for coming out today, and if you are a guest to Generation, I would just love to welcome you. As I said before, I am John Czech, lead pastor here."

I felt Jacob's hand on my leg as John continued in his sermon. I grabbed onto it, and out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him smile.

"Now, today is an amazing day. Today is the day that Jesus rose from the grave, the day we celebrate that He is alive." He walked over to the cross that was set up a few feet away from him.

"This cross here," He said, resting his hand on it, "is a symbol of the Christian faith. It's on necklaces, earrings, bracelts, hanged in people's houses as decoration. But, that's not what the cross is. This cross represents what Jesus did for us.

We've kept the cross so far away from us, that we've forgotten that it's not this sweet little piece of jewlery, but the worst death imaginable." He picked up the cross, and carried it closer, to the center of the stage he was on.

"I've done a little research, on some of the horrible, gruesome torture devices used to kill prisoners. According to researchers, this cross right here is the worst by far.

Imagine, for your birthday, you get this little bear-trap of a box, and inside is this necklace; it's a gold chain, and attatched to it is a diamond-encrusted eletric chair. Not a pretty picture, is it?"

I glanced over at Ana, who was fingering her tiny, silver cross necklace. Her eyes were wide.

"That was supposed to be for us. The whipping, the crown of thornes, hanging on the cross. That should have been our punishment. But instead, Jesus took our place. What do you think held Him up there? The nails that were hammered into his palms?" He shook his head.

"We were the ones to keep Him on the cross as He died the most painful death. Did you know, that for the people on these crosses to actually breath, they had to lift themselves up, putting pressure on the nails in their hands and ankels? Then, they'd collapse, until they had the strength to take in another breath. These people hung there for days, weeks, sometimes, even _months_, slowly suffocating.

He did that for us. _He took our place. _If you could stop, for just fifteen minutes, and mediate on that; on what Jesus did on that cross, then it's better than going to one hundred church services, days of psalms singing, or even a whole year of fasting. Fifteen minutes is all it takes."

_Why would He do that? _I wondered. _Why not just let us have what we deserve? _

"This brings me back to a story in John, that you all have probably heard a thousand times by now; as you know, it is one of my favorite stories." He grabbed his Bible, and turned to the story he wanted. The screen filled with the story he was about to read.

_John eight. _

"_At dawn_," He read. _"He went to the temple compex again, and all the people were coming to Him. He sat down and began to teach them. Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultry, making her stand in center. "Teacher," they said to Him. "This woman was caught in the act of commiting adultrery. In the law, Moses commanded to stone such women. So what do you say?_

_They asked this to trap Him, in order they might have evidence to acuse Him. Jesus stooped down and started writing on the ground with His finger. When they persisted in questioning Him, He stood up and said to them, "The one wihtout sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her" Then He stooped down again and continued writing on the ground. When they heard this, they left one by one, starting with the older men. Only He was left, with the woman in the center. When Jesus stood up, He said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemed you?" _

"_No one, Lord," She answered. _

"_Neither do I condem you," said Jesus. "Go, and from now on do not sin anymore." _

"Does anyone know why I read this?" He asked, looking up from his Bible. He looked around the room.

"This story came to my mind while I was researcing the curcifixtion, and Easter Sunday. We are just like that woman. We've commited sin that we should be punished for. Yet, Jesus took our place. He did this because _He loves us. _It's like going to Starbucks to order a coffee, and you pull out your wallet to pay the five dollars, to find out that the person in line before you already paid for you. This is a free gift. We did nothing to deserve this amazing gift that He has given us. This was out of love. But, we have to act on it. We need to understand that the cross isn't just a piece of jewlery, but what He did for us. It's not just a symbol of what He did; it _is _what He did."

_Was I really that woman? _I wondered. I thought back on the retreat, when Josh had used that in his sermon. I wasn't like her. I remembered how Josh had asked us to put ourselves in her positon, what it would feel like to be forgiven.

I still couldn't wrap my mind around it. I just…couldn't. I wrestled with it, for the rest of the sermon, until the sound of the closing song brought me out of my thoughts. The service had ended.

There was a social hour after the service had ended, but I kept to myself, like always. I didn't want to risk someone asking me for the umpteenth time how I was doing. I kept wrestling with that story; now, not only was I apparently like her because I keep to myself about the shit that's going on, but because Jesus forgave her for something that she should have been stoned for; because Jesus took our place on that cross.

Why was I being compared to this woman, who's nothing like me? I'm not an adulteress; I've never cheated on anyone. Leave that to my last two ex-boyfriends. So what about this woman was similar to me? That she was forgiven?

It's just a story. I should just forget about it.

Right?


	37. Chapter 37 The Last Night

**Chapter 37**

**The Last Night**

_The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths, for His name's sack. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me: Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life._

~Psalms 23 (NIV).

xXx

One week has past since Easter, and I've actually gotten worse. I stopped sleeping again. Tension's building again, and I feel like as if I'm completely shutting down.

I don't tell anyone that I've stopped sleeping. With everything else they're worried about, this would be adding fuel to the fire. I can't let that happen.

I still won't talk to Henry; I refuse to tell him anything. Henry isn't my person. I don't have to tell him anything. All I am to him is another paycheck, anyway. What does he care?

xXx

Youth group every Wednesday started to become a weekly habit. I would go with Ana, and sit in silence as Jim talked about all the wonderful things God has done for us, and how He cares for us. I would sit in silence as Ana and the other senior girls would talk about how they felt about the message. Shayln, and Dana, Ana's small group leaders, would ask me why I had been so silent during small group, and told me that they were happy I had come anyway.

This week, it felt different. It's like the air had changed. On the outside, I acted fine, like I did every week, but on the inside I felt like I was suffocating. It was as if I knew what would happen during the night.

"Nessie, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost," Ana said, as we all were waiting in the church lobby for Jim to call everyone in.

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Fine."

Ana looked like she wanted to question me more, but before she could ask, Jim made the announcement, calling everyone in.

We walked in, and found seats in the third row, on the right side of the room, where the four of us—Ana, Jake, Max, and I—normally sit. Announcements were made, about Move 2014, a youth event that was coming up this weekend, and a few other things that were happening this month, and next. We played a game that a youth leader invented, called 'Turtle Butt', which in all honesty, I did not understand. I don't think Ana, Max, or Jake understood it, either. Ana and Max played, while Jake and I stayed in our seats. I rested my head on Jake's shoulder, and he rubbed his thumb across my hand.

"You okay?" He asked, resting his lips on the crown of my head.

"I really wish that you would stop asking me that." I started playing with Jake's fingers.

"That's not going to happen. "

I sighed. "I'm fine."

"Renesmee..." Jacob started. Before he could say anything else, Jim called everyone back to their seats, so we could pray before worship.

This was the part of youth group where I would fold my hands, bow my head, and close my eyes, pretending to pray. Occasionally, when I would do this, a song that I've never heard before would start playing in my head. It would be the same song each time. _Are you looking for someone, to be gentle? With your broken heart, and shattered dreams? Are you searching for someone who'll be faithful, to you no matter what life brings?..._

After the quick prayer, worship started. I stood up with everyone else, and the music began, lyrics to the song showing up on the screen behind the stage.

"Okay, so tonight, we're bringing in three new songs." The lead singer, Ashely, said, as the guitarists were strumming slowly.

"Last week, we were going to do something else, but this past Sunday, we felt God pulling on our hearts, giving us different songs. So, we're going to try them out tonight. If you know them, you can sing along, or just sway to the music. Whichever you feel most comftorable." She smiled, and the first song began.

_He says come unto me, all who are weary. And I will give you rest. Bring what hurts; bring your scars. Bring the load that you carry, and I will give you rest. _

This was the song that would play in my head while I would 'pray'. What was going on tonight? They finished the first song, and the next one started.

_This house is echoing, with the sound of You knocking at the door. But with three locks, and the shades down, You are easy to ignore. I put You on, like an old pair of shoes, I've put you off, but now I need you..._

I sat down, hearing the similartity between the songs, and my life. What did God want to tell me now?

_I'm on my knees, begging you to notice me. I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me? Yeah! One tear in the dropping rain, one voice in the sea of pain. Could the Maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart? One life, that's all I am; right now, I can barely stand! If You're everything You say You are, would You, come close, and hold my heart?_

What the hell was going on? I put my head in my hands, feeling tears starting to sting the back of my eyes. I knew exactly what He wanted. But I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to do.

"Nessie?" I sat up, and found Ana lookign at me, concerened. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head. "Fine. Just a little tired."

"Okay..." Ana said, weary of my answer.

Jim came back on the stage, and talked about this music video he had found while searchingYouTube. He put the video on, and turned around in his chair to watch it.

_Why? The question that is never far away. The healing doesn't come from the explained. Jesus, please don't let this go in vain. You're all I have, all that remains. So here I am, what's left of me, when glory meets my suffering. I'm alive, even though a part of me has died. You take my heart, and breathe it back to life. I've fallen into Your arms open wide; when the hurt and the Healer collide. _

I sat through the chorus, before I put my head in my hands again, this time, tears falling down my cheeks like a water fall. These songs were for me. By the near-end of the song, the weight was too much. It felt as if I was suffocating again. I had to get out.

"I'm...going to the bathroom. I'll, uh, be back," I said, quietly, as I stood up and walked out of the sanctuary, and out of the church building. It was pouring rain outside, but I didn't care.

I sat on on the front steps, getting so drenched the only way you could tell I was crying was by hearing the sound of my voice. Sobs racked my body so hard that I began shaking.

I heard the door open, and turned to see Jim standing behind me, his back to the closed door. He walked over to the front steps, and sat next to me.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked.

I ignored, him, putting my head back in my hands, another sob racked through my body.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No." I whispered through a sob.

"What happened?"

"Everything." I cried. "Everything's gone wrong." I took in a quick, shaky breath, and looked at Jim.

"Five months ago, I was shot." I stated. "Jake's dad tried to kill me, and my father. But, obviously, we lived. I thought that I was okay. I just wanted to forget about it. But, I can't." I tried to control the crying, but that just made it worse. I heaved a sob, but continued.

"I haven't slept in twelve weeks. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I can't forget. I'm depressed...I have P.T.S.D. I thought that if I didn't talk about it, it would go away. But, it's just gotten worse. I'm so far out, I don't know if anyone can save me."

I burst into tears that came so hard, I couldn't breathe. The rain came down harder. Jim rested a hand on my shoulder.

"Renesmee, you can't do this by yourself. You really need to let God take control. Let Him be the Healer, Renesmee. You haven't been coming here by mistake, He's trying to get your attention. You need to let go of everything that you've held onto and let Him comfort you."

I shook my head, not wanting to answer.

"Remeber that sermon I had a few weeks back, about how God was always wtih us? He wants to be with you, and He is. It's whether or not _you_ want Him there...Renesmee, you _can't _do this on your own anymore. You need to let Jesus take this pain and hurt. This won't get better until you do. He will take care of you."

"Fine," I said, slightly calmer than I had been. "What do I have to do?"

"You need to pray." Jim said.

"Renesmee," I heard Dana's voice. Jim and I turned, and found her standing behind us, halfway outside.

"What happened?"

"Let's go back inside, so we can talk,"

The three of us went inside, and sat around one of the small tables in the lobby.

"Renesmee, you need to pray. Now, this won't take the pain away instantly. It's still going to be a process. But, it will be easier. Are you ready?"

I nodded, wipping a few stray tears. I still couldn't really talk, without my voice cracking.

"Okay," He reached out, and grabbed my hand. Dana patted my shoulder. I closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath, as Jim prayed over me. As the prayer was being said, the suffocating feeling went away. I felt, somewhat lighter.

"How are you feeling?" Jim asked, after he was done.

"Better," I said after a few minute's silence. "I think I need to be at home right now, though. To think about all of this."

"I think that's a good idea, Nessie." Jim smiled.

I smiled lightly, and left the church. Driving home, I landed on a Christian radio channel by chance. Playing on the radio was a song called _Love is Here_. I found myself singing along to it, with tears still streaming down my face.

_Come to the water, you who thirst, and you'll thirst no more. Come to the Father, you who work, and you'll work no more. And all you who labor in vain, and to the broken and shamed: Love is here, love is now. Love is pouring from His hands, and from His brow. Love is near, it satisfies. Streams of mercy flowing from his side; _

_Cause' love is here. _

My parents weren't home by the time I had gotten there. I went through my routine of getting ready for bed, and sat in it, still thinking about what had happened at youth group.

"Well, You have me. You got my complete attention, now. Just...please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. Can you just...comfort me? Can you take everything away, please? I can't do this by myself. I need you, okay? I'll admit it. I. Need. You. Just...do what Jim says that you do." Tears streamed down my face, as I rested against my pillows.

I felt tired. Taking slow, deep breathes. I closed my eyes. I fell asleep.


	38. Chapter 38 Awake and Alive

**Chapter 38**

**Awake and Alive**

_I found God, on the corner of first and Amistad, where the West was all but won. All alone, smoking his last cigarette. I said 'Where you been?' He said 'Ask anything'. Where were you, when everything was falling apart? All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang. And all I needed was a call that never came, to the corner of first and Amistad. Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me. You found me. _

~_You Found Me_, The Fray

xXx

_Four Months Later…(July 2014)_

After that night, things started going better. I had actually slept through Thursday, and woke up Friday, wondering how many centuries had passed; I had slept that well.

Things started to change for me since then. I started listening in church, and actually talking in small groups. I stopped lying about how I was feeling, and I opened myself up to Henry more; which actually lead to me needing more therapy, but it's alright. Henry's actually starting to grow on me. The depression's still here, and I still have P.T.S.D, and slight insomnia, but it's getting better.

Seeing my turn around, Mom and Dad started going to church with us (Ana, her family, and myself) on Sundays. I started paying a little more attention in youth group, and being more active in the small group. I had even gotten Alex to go with Jake and I, because she wanted to see what had so radically changed my life. My life had been changed drastically, by saying three simple words.

_I. Need. You. _

Life as I knew it would never be the same. But, that was okay. It wouldn't have ever gone back to the way it had been before, anyway.

And this was a much better change.

xXx

Mom's now thirty-four weeks pregnant. A few more weeks, and I'll finally be a sister, after eighteen years. Everything was ready for the twins' arrival. Their room, which was next to mine, had been carpeted with plush white carpet, painted light beige, and black decals had been placed on the walls. Two high gloss black cribs had been placed in opposite sides of the room. There was a light brown loveseat and a glossy black rocking chair in the room, and the glossy black changing table had been placed on the wall in betwen the cribs.

Alex, Garrett, Jake and I had put it together four weeks ago, while Mom and Dad had been at an OB they had come home, however, instead of surprising them, they had given us some upsetting news. Mom had been diagnosed with preeclampisa; although a mild case, this was still scary news. This was a serious diagnosis, that could have serious consequences.

Mom has been on bed rest since, to keep her and the babies safe. We would have to keep an eye on her, and if her symptoms were to worsen, she'd have to be admitted into Swedish, until it was safe for the babies to be delivered. Until then, we just had to keep 'constant vigilance', and try to keep the symptoms under wraps.

Oh, I almost forgot—I graduated. I am now officially a high school graduate; although I didn't graduate valedcitorian, as I had been planning at the beginning of the year, but since I graduated, I could care less if I had graduated with a 2.5 (which, thank God, I didn't—I graduated with a 3.8).

Things were really looking up.

xXx

"Hey," I called out, as I walked through the door. "I'm home!" I kicked off my shoes, and walked upstairs. After throwing my bag on the couch, I searched through the fridge for something to eat. Alex's 4th of July party last night had been _insane. _I was going to need at least a week to recover.

"In my room," I heard Mom call out. After finding an apple, I walked into my parents' room.

Mom was on the bed, and open on what was left of her lap was an old scrapbook.

"How was the party?" Mom asked, as she turned the page. I sat on the bed next to her.

"Crazy," I smiled. "We're going to need at least a week to recover."

Mom smiled. "I'm glad you had fun."

I lied on the bed next to her. "Why are you looking through the scrabbook?"

"Just...reminicsing." Mom sighed. "I still can't believe that you're graduated." She looked almost sad.

"I still remember how you felt in my arms the day you were born," I saw a single tear run down her cheek, as she sub-consciously ran a hand across her pregnant belly. Then, she smiled, laughing a little bit.

"You know, Renesmee, the day you were born, Sarah and I had made an agreement,"

"An agreement?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

She nodded. "Jacob was three months old at the time, and while I was pregnant, despite how convinced I was that you would be a boy, Sarah told me that you were a girl. So, when she was proved right, we made an agreement. That you and Jacob would be married when you two were twenty-five. Billy and Edward had even written up the contract, and I still have it, in this scrapbook…" Mom turned a few pages back, and pulled out an eighteen-year-old yellowing piece of paper.

"_On this day,_" Mom read. _"September 11th, 1995_, _Renesmee Carlie Cullen and Jacob William Black have been arranged to be married by the age of twenty-five. The Blacks and the Cullens will join together as one family on that day. Jacob must hold Edward's blessing as the bride-price. Renesmee and Jacob must have been dating for at least one year before Jacob asks for her hand in marriage. _

_To hold the blessing of marriage from Edward, Jacob must first hold the heart of a man's man, the soul of a poet, and he must be the half that makes his daughter whole. Until then, the bride-price will not be paid, and he cannot ask Renesmee for her hand. _

_In the unlikely occurrence of tragedy,(i.e., Jacob/Renesmee die before they are married), then this contract expires, and neither are held up to the agreement._"

There were four signatures on the bottom of the page, and it had even been notarized by my grandmother. I took the contract from my mother, and read it over.

"The irony's amazing." I laughed. "Were you guys actually serious?"

Mom nodded, taking the paper back, and slipping it through the plastic of the scrapbook page, next to a picture of three-month old Jacob, and three-hour old me.

"He was enticed with you," Mom smiled. "I remember, when you were two weeks old, Sarah had invited me to coffee, and we went to one of the local coffee shops. Jacob had spent the hour staring at you from his stroller, and he had even tried pulling on your arm, when you had fallen asleep. The barista had joked that Sarah and I would end up as in-laws. And, when we were freshman, Sarah and I had made an agreement that if we had two children, a son and a daughter, roughly the same age, that they were to be married to each other when they were twenty-five."

"Sounds like an agreement Alex and I made in the third grade," I mused.

Mom gasped, and then smiled, placing her hand over her abdomen.

"What?" I asked, a little nervous. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Mom laughed. "Here," She reached over, and took my hand, placing it where hers had been. I felt a flurry of movements, that was the kicks of one baby.

I smiled. "That's incredible,"

In reply, she took my hand, and ran it down her stomach, until I felt a slight pounding.

"Feel that bomp-bomp-bomp?" Mom smiled, repeating one of my favorite lines from my favorite movie.

"That's where the heart is," We said in unison. I was smiling so much, it hurt my cheeks.

"Can you believe it?" Mom asked, staring into the distance. "I don't think I can,"

"Well, Mom, no offense, by you are forty-five. Isn't that a _bit_ old to be having babies?"

Mom shot a glare at me, but then the glare grew into a smile, with a small laugh.

"I guess you're right." She shook her head. "Oh, God, what am I doing? I'm going back to the sleep schedule of an intern. At my age..."

"It's a God-given miracle," I smiled.

"And I thank Him everyday for it." Mom replied.

"Jake doesn't have to watch the kids today, so he's coming over in a few minutes," I lifted myself off of the bed.

"We're probably going to be downstairs, so call if you need anything."

Just as I had left my parents' room, Jacob came to the door.

"You know," I said, opening the door. "You can just walk in. I think we're past that awkward/formal stage of our relationship."

"Just being a gentleman," Jacob smiled, giving me a kiss as he walked into the house.

"Mhm..." I smiled, and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing my lips on his, closing my eyes. He licked my lips, asking for entrance, and placed his hands over the small of my back.

I opened my connection, pushing all the love I could into it. Everything I felt went to him, as our lips danced together. I laced my fingers in his soft, slightly shaggy hair and pulled his forehead to mine.

"I love you," I whispered. I opened my eyes slightly, as Jacob lifted my chin so I could meet his eyes.

"I love…"

_Crash_

"What was that?" Jake asked.

Suddenly, adrenaline filled my body, and my heart rate increased. My eyes flickered for a few moments, before running up the stairs, into Mom and Dad's room.

The lamp that was one Mom's nightstand was on the ground, in pieces. Mom was clutching her stomach, her eyes squeezed shut.

"Page your father," She said quickly. "I'm going into labor,"

I nodded, and ran out of the room to get my phone, and tell Jake.

_It's too early,_ I kept thinking. _It's too early for the twins to be born. _

"What is it?" Jacob asked, as I ransacked my bag trying to find my phone.

"Mom's in labor," I said, finding my phone. "Dad's at Swedish...Jake, it's too early," My voice rose an octave higher.

I punched in the pager number, and sent it a quick message. _It's Mom. _

"Help me get her to the car...Jake, can you drive us to Swedish?"

"Yeah, of course,"

"Good," I nodded, and started towards Mom and Dad's room, when Jake grabbed my shoulders.

"Nessie," He said, looking at me in the eye. "Calm down. Everything will be okay; your mom will be okay. Trust me."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Good," He smiled, and gave me a small kiss. We went into the room, and Jake cleaned the broken glass pieces so Mom could get out of the bed. I called her O.B., Dr. Marx, as Jake and I helped Mom out of the bed.

"Hello, this is maternity, how can I help you?" A nurse answered.

"Can I please speak with Dr. Alisha Marx?" I asked.

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Renesmee Cullen, I'm the daughter of one of her paitents?"

"Oh, Dr. Cullen's daughter," I heard her smile, as Jacob opened the front door.

"One moment please," I heard the click of the phone, and then I was conncected to a new line.

"Dr. Marx," The O.B. answered.

"Yeah, this is Dr. Cullen's daughter...and she just started going into labor," I got into the backseat of Jake's car, next to Mom. Jake started the car and headed out of the driveway.

I heard her let out a sigh, getting into medical mode. "How far apart are the contractions?"

I put the phone away from my ear. "How...?"

"Seven minutes, pain level is about three-point-five," Mom said.

I repeated what Mom told me to Dr. Marx.

"I'll meet you guys outside maternity. Get here quickly," There was a click, and the line went silent.

I grabbed onto Mom's hand, and she gave me a weak smile. "Everything will be okay, sweetie." She assured.

"Thirty-four weeks for twins is very good," She took in a sharp breath, and her grip on my hand tightened. Closing her eyes, she took deep breaths, and let out a low moan of pain.

"Jacob, dear," Mom said, as the contraction passed. She leaned against the seat of the car.

"You have a woman who's in labor. You _can_ drive faster...in fact, if you did, it would be _greatly _appreciated." She blew a puff of air from her mouth.

"Right, of course," Jake nodded. He increased the speed, and we arrived at Swedish after about an hour. Daddy was nervously waiting for us outside the main entrance, next to Dr. Marx, who had a wheelchair with her. Jacob parked as close as he could to the entrance, and Daddy brought the wheelchair to the car.

"How are you doing?" Daddy asked, as he helped Mom out of the car and into the wheelchair.

"I forgot how _painful_ this was," Mom joked.

"Here, Dr. Cullen, let me get that for you," Jacob took Daddy's place behind the wheelchair, and Daddy stood next to Mom, taking her hand.

"Well," Dr. Marx smiled. "Let's go have some babies,"

xXx

"Well, Bella, you look to be about four centimeters dialated," Dr. Marx said, looking up at Mom, snapping her gloves off.

"Because we're dealing with twins, and because you are at thirty-four weeks, I'm not going to try and stop the conctractions. But, I am going to start you on a low dose of Bethamethason, to help mature their lungs, and a few other systems. Okay?"

Mom nodded. "Marx, as long as these babies are healthy, I don't care _what_ you do."

"Good," Dr. Marx laughed. "I'm going to go make a few rounds, have me paged if anything happens."

As she walked out of the room, Daddy and Jake walked back in.

"We're about half-way there," Mom informed, as Daddy gave her a small kiss.

"Hey, big sister." Jake laughed, sitting next to me in the loveseat.

I smirked, letting out a small laugh. "I guess I am now."

Jake leaned in for a kiss, but as our noses grazed each other, Daddy cleared his throat.

"Right..." I muttered, as Jake pulled away from the almost-kiss.

"Jacob," Daddy said. "How about you and Nessie go get some ice chips for Bella?"

My cheeks were burning.

"Yes, sir," Jacob nodded. He got up from the seat, and pulled me up with him. We walked out of the room, and down the hall to where the ice machine was.

"Remind me never to do that again," Jacob laughed, as we walked down the hall. I laced my hand into his, and smiled.

"Will do,"

"Nessie, Jake," I heard Alex's voice, and turned to find her running down the hall towards Jake and I.

"I got your text," She panted. "And got here as soon as I could,"

She spotted a water fountain, and took a big gulp from it. Taking a deep breath, she looked over at me.

"How is she?"

"Four centimeters," I smiled.

"Oh, excititng," Alex smiled. "Big sister," She nudged my arm, and I laughed, shaking my head.

"Is that what you and Jake are going to call me from now on?"

"Just today; maybe tomorrow," She shrugged. "I mean, you _are_ a sister now. I think I have some right to call you that."

"So, does that give me right to call you...say...I don't know..._Alexandria_?"

Her face dropped, and she shot me a glare. "Don't you dare." She whispered darkly.

"Well, if you keep using that nickname..."

"Okay, okay," Alex raised her hands. "But, I swear to God, you call me Alexandria, and you're dead."

"Understood," I nodded, as the three of us headed down the hall.

xXx

A few long hours passed, and by ten that night, Mom had gone from four to seven. _Just a few more hours_, I kept telling myself. Alex was long gone, but Jake had stayed with us.

_Just a few more hours. _

I looked around the room. Mom was sleeping, although every few minutes she would moan in pain. I was surprised she was even sleeping. Dad was stretched out along the couch, sleeping, as well as Jake. I was the only one awake, although I was getting tired. I can't believe that I was actually beginning to like the feeling of being tired—but, going twelve weeks without sleep, you begin to take it for granted.

I was just about to close my eyes, only for a few moments, before the loud, steady beeping of Daddy's pager woke everyone.

"Can't they handle this themselves?" Daddy mumbled, pulling the pager from his shirt pocket.

"It's 9-1-1." His tone got more serious.

"Nessie, turn on the TV," Mom said, as Dad pulled out his phone to call Hunt.

_This just in..._

_Plane crash. _

_Flight 545 New York to Seattle crashed, just twenty minutes ago..._

"Hunt, I can't...Bella's in labor..." Daddy argued.

_One hundred dead, even more injured, some injured. Victims are being transported to Swedish Medical Center and Harborview..._

"Can't the residents handle it? I know I'm not the only trauma attending..."

Daddy sighed, and looked over at Mom.

"Bells, they really need me..." He looked distraught.

"Go," Mom said. "I'll be fine. I don't think these babies will be here for a while."

"I'm on my way," Daddy hung up, and headed out. He turned his head, and cast Mom a worried glance.

"Are you sure, Bells? I could call Hunt back..."

"Go," Mom shooed Daddy away, but he didn't budge. "Jacob can stand in your place until you come back."

Daddy looked over from Mom to Jake, raising his eyebrows.

"Uh, sure, I can do that." Jake nodded.

"Take good care of my wife," Daddy said, before running down the hall.

Mom closed her eyes, and pressed herself against the bed. "Oh, God..." She moaned, and let out a small whimper of pain. Jake got up from his seat, and awkwardly grabbed onto her hand. I watched, surprised that my boyfriend would be willing to coach my mother through birth. I smiled, when I realized that he might do the same for me in the near future.

Mom sighed largely as the contraction passed.

"This is going to be a long night."

xXx

Three hours passed, and the only thing keeping any of us up was adrenaline. Daddy was still dealing with the plane crash victims, and so far, we haven't been able to contact him. Mom had gone from seven to nine; we were in the homestretch.

I was still in awe that Jake would be so willing to see my mother in such a vulnerable position, to coach her through birth. None of the other guys I had dated before would have ever been willing to do such a thing. Josh would have left the second we arrived at Swedish; Drew, Chris, and Nick would have stayed a few hours, maybe. Dakota and Ethan would have stayed the whole time, but at this point they would be in the waiting area. I had always known that Jake was different from the other guys; but this was the tie-breaker. I knew that he was the one.

Mom was lying on her side, and I was running a tennis ball up and down her spine. Jake had been sent on a mission to find Dr. Marx, so I had taken over his duties until he returned with her.

"Renesmee, _never _have children past the age of thirty-five." Mom said, as another contraction passed.

"Sure thing, Mom." I smiled.

"I'm being..." Mom took in a sharp breath, and cried out in pain.

"Mom...?" I furrowed my eyebrows, and set the ball on the bedside table. Helping her lie back in the previous position.

"Renesmee," Mom said, swallowing hard. "I need you to find Jake and Marx, and then call your father. This is it."

My eyes widened, and Mom nodded. I ran out of the room, and found Jake and Marx right away.

"It's time," I said.

"Let's go," Marx said.

I followed Jake and Marx back into Mom's room, calling Daddy's cell.

After three or four rings, it was picked up. "Dr. Cullen's in surgery right now, can this wait?" I heard Hunt answer.

"Dr. Hunt, it's Nessie. Can you put Daddy on the phone?"

"This has to wait, Nessie, your father's right in the middle..."

"Mom's about to have the babies, can't you take over for him?" I asked.

"I'll let him know," There was a click, and the phone went dead.

Muttering a curse, I entered Mom's room. Marx was set-up in her scrubs; things were beginning to go underway. Jake was on Mom's left, so I went to the other side, taking her hand.

"Okay, Bella, are you ready?" Marx asked, situating herself in between Mom's open legs.

Mom looked scared. "I can't do this without Edward," She said.

"Bella, you're going to have to. We can't wait any longer."

"You can do this, Mom," I smiled, rubbing her hand with my thumb.

"You have us," Jacob said. "You're Dr. Cullen; You can do this."

Once again, I found myself in awe of my boyfriend.

"Bella," Dr. Marx prompted. "I need you to start pushing, now."

Mom nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay..." Marx said. "Push."

Mom took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, boring her chin down on her chest. She used all her strength to squeeze the _hell_ out of my hand.

"Good," Marx said. "Okay, I need you to stop, so we can let the head crown properly."

Jake found a wet washcloth, and put it over Mom's forehead.

"You're doing awesome, Mom," I smiled.

"Bella," I heard Daddy's voice, and looked up to find him run into the room.

"Edward," Mom panted.

Jacob moved out of the way, so Daddy could take his place back.

Mom rested her head against the headboard, and gave Daddy a helpless look.

"Don't leave me..."

"I'm here, Bells," Daddy comforted, stroking her hand.

The tear that had escaped her eye trickled down her cheek, leaving behind a wet trail that made her look all the more vulnerable.

"I need you..."

Slowly, gently, and as softly as he could, Daddy reached out his left hand and dried her face, the same hand cupping her cheek once the tear trail was gone. His head tilted towards her, and as if Mom was made of the most delicate substance in the world, he gently rubbed his nose in her hair, placing a kiss into her brown hair.

"I'm not going anywhere," He whispered into her ear. "I promise."

I felt Jake's hand slip into mine, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Then, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, giving me a small peck on my cheek.

"Okay, Bella," Dr. Marx's voice brought us back to the moment. "Just a few more pushes should slide this one right out. You're almost there, Bella."

When the next contraction came, Mom gave it her all, pushing hard as she cried out in pain; I was actually beginning to lose the feeling in my hand.

After a few minutes, the rest of the body came sliding out, and instead of cries of pain, the room filled with the cry of a baby—of my brother. I let go of Mom's hand, and jumped into Jake's arms, laughing and crying at the same time. I finally had my brother.

"Nessie," Daddy's voice brought me back to reality. "Would you like to hold your brother?"

I left Jake's arms, and found Daddy standing next to me, holding the swaddled newborn. Slowly, I took the squirming baby, and swaddled him in my arms.

The rest of the world fadded around me. I sat down in the loveseat that was behind me. I was vauguly aware that Jake was behind me, smiling down at my new brother. He had my skin tone, but Mom's brown hair.

All of a sudden, things started to get scary. Dr. Marx's tone of voice became severe, and everything started happening in slow-motion. I turned my attention from the newborn in my arms to the terrifying events concering Mom, and the other baby. I couldn't exactly tell what was going on; but whatever it was, it was bad.

"What's happening?" Daddy asked, going into his trauma-mode.

"There's excessive vaginal bleeding and it appears that there isn't relaxation between these contractions. Baby's also experiencing distress. I think that there's been seperation of the placenta and uterine wall,"

She muttered a curse. "Bella, I need you to start pushing, _now_. As hard as you can, Bella, this baby needs to come out."

Screaming, Mom did as she was told. Soon, the baby was delivered, and Dr. Marx quickly cut the cord, and handed the baby to the nurse. Muttering another curse, Marx took off her gloves, and hit the call button that was next to the dor.

Before any of us could ask, she explained.

"There's too much bleeding, Dr. Cullen. She needs to be taken into surgery, before she goes into shock."

Soon, a flood of doctors came into the room, and raised the arms of the bed, and started wheeling her out of the room. I handed the baby I was holdig to Jake, and followed Daddy out of the room. We were left outside the double doors that lead to the operating suite.

I was vaguly aware then, that Jake had shown up at my side, that a nurse had taken the three of us down the hall, and into a deserted waiting area. My entire thoughts were on Mom.

I felt Jake's arm around my shoulders. I broke out into tears, and buried my head in Jake's chest. He wrapped his other arm around me, and rested his lips in my hair, comforting me.

_Don't take her. _I prayed silently. _Please, don't take her. Let her be alright. Please. _

xXx

Long hours passed before we saw Dr. Marx again.

"Dr. Cullen," She said, walking into the room. Daddy stood up, anxious to hear about Mom.

"There was too much bleeding that we couldn't control," She started, as Dad slowly sat down.

"We had to start an emergency hysterectomy, and remove the uterus."

"She's okay, though?" Daddy asked.

Marx nodded. "She's in recovery right now. She'll have to stay here about a week, and from there recovery's six-to-eight weeks. She most likely will not be able to return to work for about two or three months."

Daddy nodded. "As long as she's okay, Marx, that's all that matters."

She laughed. "That's very good to hear, Dr. Cullen. You can go see her, if you'd like. She should be waking up any minute, now."

xXx

The next few weeks were a blur. Mom and Dad named the babies William Jacob, and Sarah Nicole after Billy and Sarah. They came home with Mom, after about a week of recovery. Since Mom was on bedrest until she was fully recovered from surgery, Jake came over every morning, and helped Daddy and I with the babies. I watched as he held my siblings; as he took care of them, and couldn't help but think about how he would be a _great _father. I fond myself falling more in love with my boyfriend as I watched him hold my siblings.

Jake had decided that he would go into the police force, instead of becoming a mechanic. When I asked him why, he had told me that he wanted to dedicate his life to protecting the people around him; that he wanted to do more with his life than fix cars. He starts the acadamy in September, when I start classes at the University of Washington with Alex.

Life would forever be changed. And that was okay, because even if it wasn't how I had imagined it would be, this change was so much better than what I had imagined.

A character of a TV show I watch sums it up pretty good. She said, "Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably when you least expect it, the world rights itself again."

She couldn't have been more right.


	39. Chapter 39 Beautiful Ending

**Chapter 39**

**Beautiful Ending**

"_You know how when you were a little kid, and believed in fairy tales, the fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, Prince Charming, who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you'd have complete and utter faith. Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming. They were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But, the thing is, it's hard to let go of the fairy tale entirely, cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day, they'll open their eyes and it will come true." _

~Meredith Grey, _Grey's Anatomy_

xXx

_5 years later…(January 2019)_

"Well, I'd just like to say how glad I am that you all could make it out to this retreat," Jim smiled, as everyone settled down in their seats.

"This weekend's going to be an amazing weekend; to be away from the city, to be in this place, just to spend time with God. Tonight, before we begin our first session, I'd like to start out with a testimony. Now, this testimony comes from someone very near and dear to my heart. She's one of the junior small group leaders; Renesmee Cullen, would you please come up?"

I had prepared for tonight; but I was still nervous. I haven't shared my full testimony with anyone. It's been five years, and I still find it difficult to talk about. I took a deep breath. Jacob gently squeezed my knee, telling me that I would be fine. I got up, and walked to the front of the room, as the clapping faded around me. Jim gave me a quick hug when I made it to the front, and gave me a microphone. I set it in the stand, and held on to the music stand that was in front of me. I found Jacob's eyes in the audience, and rubbed over my glittering engagement ring with my pinky. Taking a deep breath, I smiled, and began.

"Well, as Jim just said, I'm Renesmee Cullen," I began, thinking about how in just five months, I would be Renesmee Black.

"I'm a twenty-four year old, first-year med student at the University of Washington, and I've been a Christian for about almost five years, ever since I was nineteen.

For seventeen years, however, I grew up in a non-Christian household. We were more agnostic, really. We just kind-of went with the flow of things, not really caring about others' religions. But, when I was eighteen, everything changed.

During my senior homecoming dance, I was shot; straight through my abdomen, tearing my stomach and pancreas. A slow and painful death, right?"

I took a deep breath, already feeling the tears coming. I looked down, and then back up. I meet Jacob's smile, and continued.

"Suddenly, I'm dying. No one thinks I'm going to live through the next hour; not with the amount of blood loss and the injuries I've sustained. During the attempt to keep me alive, the shooter arrives at Swedish, and a mass shooting breaks out." _Deep breath in, and out. You can do this, Renesmee. I know you can. _

"My father was shot; the bullet landed right above his aorta, where the bleeding was coming from. So, not only am I dying, but so is my father. We weren't a praying family, but what my mom did that day was probably the thing that saved our lives. She prayed.

The surgeons operating on my father faked his death, so the shooter, who had been trying to kill him for revenge, would think that they had let him die like he had told them to do. As soon as he left, my father's heart started beating again, and he made it through surgery.

My surgery was a little different. I was still dying; I was hooked up to so many machines, that you wouldn't have been able to recognize me. I had lost my entire volume of blood, and new blood was constantly being transfused. I wasn't breathing on my own, and my heart was failing. I almost bleed out during the first surgery, and during the second one, my heart stopped for three minutes, and they had about a minute for my heart to start beating again, before they called time of death. But, by a _miracle, _I survived."

I looked around the room to see several smiling teenagers looking back at me. There was one in particular that had caught my eye—she was sitting in the corner in the back of the room, her black hair covered her face, and she looked as if she didn't want to be here. I continued, although kept my eye on her.

"After about seven or eight weeks of recovery in Swedish, I was deemed healthy enough to return home. In a sense, I was 'fine'. I pretended to be, anyway. You know how many news casts of that story I had seen, how many reporters came to my door, asking for an inside exclusive of two survivors of the Swedish Shooting? I _hated _the attention that we were getting, so I told everyone that I was fine, and to leave us alone. We wanted our lives to return to normal, and they weren't helping. I didn't talk to the therapist that my parents had hired, because it was another piece of evidence that I wasn't fine; and I wanted to be.

Things started to drastically change when my friend, Ana Stockwell," I smiled over at her, and her cheeks flushed red, "invited me to the Revive 2014 Winter Retreat. There was this message on the first night that had really stuck with me. It was from John eight, I'm sure you've all heard it before; you know, the story about the adulteress woman that the Pharisees bring to Jesus? It had been about how you shouldn't hide what you're feeling, that you should come as _who _you are, not what you want to be. We had been asked how we thought she would have felt when Jesus forgave her, and I was at a loss of emotion.

I found myself, comparing her life and mine, and that story stuck with me. That night, I didn't sleep. I was still wrestling with my thoughts over that story. I didn't sleep the rest of that weekend, and I began to have too much to deal with.

When I came home, my therapist, Henry, diagnosed me with depression. I didn't tell him that I wasn't sleeping—I didn't tell anyone. Every night, for twelve weeks, I didn't sleep." I felt tears falling down my cheeks. My voice was starting to shake.

"I spent these nights with so much on my mind; I didn't know what I was doing, where I was going…why my father and I, the very _targets _of this shooting, survived, when ten _innocent _lives were lost. I guess you could say that I was praying, because I was talking to God—I was _arguing _with Him, but I was talking to Him.

I couldn't understand why these pastors, why Jim kept saying that God was with us. If He really was there, why did He let this happen?" The tears spilled more violently, and I gripped the music stand, trying to ease the shaking.

I took a deep breath. "If He really was this great, _almighty _God that everyone said He was, why did it happen? Why couldn't I sleep? Why couldn't I just be okay? Why couldn't go back to the person I had been before?

I lied to my friends about how I was feeling, what I was going through, because to me, this was a war that I would fight by myself.I found myself going to youth group with Ana, because I desperately wanted answers that I thought would be answered there.

I was so close to my breaking point. At this point, I hadn't slept in twelve weeks. I had pent up emotions, that were welling in my chest, giving me a suffocating feeling. I went through the motions, like every other night. But that night, my world changed forever.

During worship, they played three songs that really hit my heart hard; I still cry whenever I hear these songs, because every time I hear them, I think back to this night.

I left the sanctuary, and despite the pouring rain, I went outside, and sat on the steps to the church. I was crying so hard, but the only way you could tell I was crying was by my voice, because it was raining so hard. I knew that God wanted me to do something, but I wasn't sure if _I_ wanted to do that. The next thing I knew, Jim was sitting next to me.

I remember this so _vividly..._" I closed my eyes, and ran a hand down my face, drying the tears.

"He had asked if I was alright, and for the first time in _months, _I answered truthfully. _I said 'no'. _I told him everything, from the depression, to the insomnia, to my anger and resentment of God. I asked Jim everything I asked God, I told him that I didn't know what to do anymore. I don't know how long this went on, but what I do remember, was that he sat there in the rain with me, actually _listening_. He told me that I needed to give up on doing this on my own, that I needed to give everything to God, and let him heal me.

I gave up on my resentment and anger, and told him that I would do that. We went inside, and we prayed. After that, it was like the anxiety had gone away; the suffocating vanished.

That night, I told God that he had my attention, and asked Him to hold my heart, asked Him to comfort me. That night, I slept. I got better. I put my faith in God, because I slept, because I got better. My family followed, and my friends, because they saw how drastically I turned around." I spotted Alex, and she smiled at me.

"One year after the shooting, I gave my life to Christ; I was baptized in front of my family, my friends, and the church. So far, that's probably been the best day of my life.

To this day, I still deal with depression, and sometimes I still can't sleep. But, I am reminded by Philipians four-thirteen. _I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me_. Through Christ, I am strenghtened.

I still don't know why, or how I got this lucky, to be standing here speaking to all of you, to be able to be with my family, to be engaged. I am so thankful for the past five years of my life, and I'm never again taking anything for granted.

I wake up every morning, and thank Him for this second chance I got, for this ability to be standing here today."

I finished my testimony, feeling lighter than air. Everyone in the room actually stood up, and clapped. My cheeks turned red, and smiling, I turned my face away from the crowd.

Jim came up, and gave me a hug. I began to cry again, I was so happy.

"Nessie, do you have any advice to give these kids?" Jim asked, as I left the hug.

I turned to face the room of teens. "Life changes on a dime." I said. "The world can flip on you, without any warning. Someone I met a few years back put it this way. He said, 'God takes a test, and turns it into a testimony. He takes a mess, and turns it into a message.' He also said that 'you are the messenger of the mess that God turned into a message.' God took my mess, and turned it into that message. That mess became my test; which became my testimony. God can do amazing things, guys. But only if you let Him. If you let God do amazing things in your life, then when you least expect it, the world rights itself."

There was a little more clapping, and I went to sit next to Jake in the third row.

"You okay?" Jake whispered, as Jim went on with the message.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I feel great, actually. You wouldn't _believe _how amazing it feels to tell people your full testimony, and not just the short and sweet one."

Jake wiped away a few of the stray tears that I still had on my cheeks. "I'm glad to hear that," He smiled.

The rest of the session passed by, and everyone was dismissed for small groups. As I got up, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning to expect Alex behind me. Instead, I found the girl that I had spotted earlier.

"Hey," She smiled weakly. "Can I, uh...talk to you, in private?"

I furrowed my brows. "Uh, yeah, sure. Just give a a few minutes, and we can talk in here."

She nodded, and walked off.

"Hey, Nessie," Hayden and Hyatt said, walking up to Jake and I. "Nice testimony. We found it very moving."

"You two know my testimony." I laughed.

Hayden shrugged. "Still."

"Yes, well," I shook my head with a laugh. "You better head to your cabin with Jake and the other freshman guys, before it starts snowing again."

"Yeah, yeah, you're not my mother."

"I sure hope not."

They laughed, and headed out with Jake. I found Genieve, and told her to tell Alex that I would be in our room in a few minutes, that I had to talk to someone. After everyone left, I found the girl, and pulled up a chair across from her.

"Hey," I smiled lightly. "You wanted to talk...?" I paused, not knowing her name.

"Jade. I think I'm in your small group?"

"Oh, yes, you are." I smiled. "I haven't seen you around youth group before; are you new?"

She nodded slowly. "My parents made me come; they said it would be good for me to go." She rolled her eyes, and sank lower in her chair.

"Well, I'm glad that you could come." I smiled.

After a few minutes, she shifted in her seat, and nervously looked at me.

"Is it true...what you said, about what happened when you were eighteen?"

I took off my coat, and tugged the turtleneck down, so Jade could see part of my scar. Her eyes widened.

"Does it hurt?" She asked. "I mean, to think about what happened...?"

I nodded slowly. "I was unconcious after I was put into the ambulance, so what I do remember of that night was what my parents told me. But, sometimes it hurts to think about the aftermath of that shooting. The reason why he was trying to kill my father and I; what he did." I looked down, and took in a deep breath.

"What did he do?" Jade asked.

"He shot himself," I whispered.

"Why?" Jade furrowed her brows.

"Well, I guess it's for the same reason he tried to kill my father and I." I started.

"My parents are suregons. There was a car accident that occured when I was four, that involved my mom's best friend. She put her head through a windsheild, and suffered brain damage that ultimelty lead to her death. Her husband, who was also my father's best friend, became very bitter towards my father and my family, because she was under his care. Twelve years later, he found out that I was dating his son. He snapped, I guess, and showed up at Garfield to shoot me. Then, he ran off to Swedish, in hopes to get revenge; to kill my father. He killed himself because when his wife died, it was like he had died, too. He missed her so much, after twelve years, he couldn't live without her."

"That's so sad," Jade frowned.

"Enough about me, though." I said, changing the subject. "What did you want to talk about?"

She closed her eyes, letting out a breath. "I haven't told anyone this." She started.

"Can you promise me that you won't tell my parents?"

"That depends on what you're telling me, Jade." I said. "There are certian things that I have to report, no matter what."

She took a deep breath. "I've been dealing with depression for a year." Tears fall down her cheeks.

"I've started cutting myself." She whispered.

I sucked in a breath. "Well, Jade," I started, "I'm not going to tell your parents, because I believe that _you_ need to tell them."

"What?" She cried. "I can't do that; you don't know my parents."

"Jade, my parents almost had me admitted into Pyshc because I hadn't slept in months; because I was in denial, and wouldn't talk to anyone."

"I can't tell them." She shook her head.

"Jade," I rested my hand on her knee, looking her in the eye. "I'm not saying that you have to tell them right now. But, remember what I talked about in my testimony, about what happened when I didn't talk to anyone?"

She nodded.

"It wasn't exactly a picnic, Jade. It was like I was wearing this backpack, and everyday, another brick would be added. For twelve weeks...that adds up to about eighty-four bricks. I couldn't take it off, despite how heavy it was, because I couldn't do it on my own. I needed someone to take that load off, and it took me almost eighty-five bricks to figure that out. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

Jade sighed. "So, what am I supposed to do?"

"I want you to tell your parents when you get home, Jade." I started. "I want you to open up, and talk about what you're dealing with. Henry, my therapist, told me once, when I was like you, that it would be easier to deal with when I stopped pretending; and Jade, that night, when I gave up; when I finally let God hold me, and support me, He took off that backpack. My load was lightend, and it did become easier."

Jade wiped away a few stray tears that were falling down her cheek.

"Okay." She said, after a few minute's silence. "But...can you, like..." She tried to think of the right words.

"Can I be with you when you tell them?" I asked, trying to figure out what she was asking.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I don't think I can do it by myself."

I nodded. "I am more than willing to be with you, Jade." I smiled.

"Thanks,"

"Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the girls," I took her hand, and we got up, heading towards small group.

The rest of that night until 'light's out' was spent with the girls (except Genevive, since she already knew everything) asking me questions—when Jake and I were getting married, how he had proposed, background questions about the shooting, how Jake and I met...least to say that it was a very interesting night.

The rest of the weekend sped by, and soon, we were on the bus back home. I had agreed with Jade that _she_ would tell her parents when we got back to the church, and that I would just stand by her in support.

"How were the Terrors?" I asked Jake, as I sat on the bus next to him.

"Surprisingly, they were pretty good," Jake smiled. I leaned against him, as the bus started up.

"That's one for the books," I laughed.

"I wonder what Rose will say..." Jake mused, wrapping his arm around me.

"She'll wonder who those kids are, and what happened to Fred and George." I smiled.

"You have any plans for dinner, tonight?" Jake asked.

"Well," I thought. "Alice and Rose wanted to take me to Hilcrest to look at cakes, and David's Bridal for a fitting, and to get Mom's dress...Alice also wants to start looking at staionary for the save-the-dates...so, no, I don't." I smiled.

"Maybe we could go to Vegas..." Jake offered.

"And have Alice kill me?" I laughed. "No, thanks."

"Five more months..." Jake reminded me.

"Thank God," I smiled, burrowing deeper into Jake's shoulder, falling asleep.

xXx

When we arrived back at the church, Jade told her parents what she had told me. Her parents had reacted differently than she had expected; her mother cried, and they had gone into the church to talk privatly.

After making sure that Genesis, Genevive, Sapphira, Hayden and Hyatt had their things, and after Jake and I had gotten ours, we dropped off my cousins at their respective houses, and headed back towards Jake's apartment. I dropped my things off in my room, and looked in the closet for something to change into.

After digging for a few minutes, I came across a familiar looking box.

"Hey, Jake...?" I called, looking over the box.

"Yeah?" He walked into the room.

"Is this the box that Billy left you?" I furrowed my eyebrows, lifting the box to him.

He kneeled on the ground next to me, taking it. "Yeah, it is."

"You've had this box for _five_ _years_, and you still haven't opened it?"

"What would Billy possbily have left me?" Jake asked. "He stopped caring almost twenty years ago."

"Jake, you can't possibly still be angry with him,"

"He tried to _kill_ you, Nessie. He tried to kill your father, all because Mom died. He turned against the man he used to call his best friend. Give me a reason why I shouldn't."

"Jacob, he's your father. I really think that you need to open the box. He left it for you for a reason, Jake. Please, just open it."

Jake sighed. "Fine. But because _you_ asked."

He tore off the string, and lifted the top of the box. Jake took in a breath when he saw what was inside.

Carefully, he lifted each item—an old football, a baseball mitt, a picture of Billy and Jake in Lake Washington, holding a salmon, two tickets to a Chicago Bears game, a football helmet that held the Bears emblem.

"He _kept _all these?" He asked, more to himself than out loud. "I thought he got rid of all this..."

He laughed a little, taking the helmet in his hands. "I remember that day..." He looked at me.

"My first football game. It was about a month before we moved, and he bought this when we made it into the staduim. I didn't take it off for days, hell, I even slept in it, even though it was too big. That was the best day of my five-year-old life." He smiled.

I looked in the box, and pulled out a letter; it was old, and yellowing, but you could still read it. It was a letter to Jake, from Billy, written right before homecoming senior year.

Jake noticed it, and took it from me. I read it along with him.

_Jacob, _it read.

_I know that you hate me. I probably deserve it for how I acted after your mother died. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and your sisters when you needed me. There's nothing that I regret more in my life than watching you grow up from the sidelines. No boy should be without his father. Jacob, even if you don't forgive me, just know that I am sorry. _

_I'm so proud of the man that you became, despite how you grew up. I know Sarah would be very proud of you. She always told me that you were 'destined for greatness'. I'm sorry for what I did, for what I'm going to do, and if you don't forgive me, that's okay. Just know that even if it didn't seem like it, I love you and your sisters very much. _

_Remeber that day, right after we moved to Seattle, and I took you to fish in Lake Washington, and you had caught that sockeye salmon? Or that time I took you to see the Bears? It had been your first football game; I remember that you were so excited you woke up at the crack of dawn and wouldn't leave your mother and I alone until we got up. I remember buying you that foorbal helmet that had been too big for you, but you wouldn't trade it for the world, or take it off for days._

_I regret not spending more time with you or your sisters. If I could, I would take back everything I did, and make it up to you, son. I'll miss you, Jacob. Just remember these two things. _

_I am proud of you; and I will keep an eye on you, wherever I end up. _

_Billy. _

I had teras in my eyes; and I think Jake did too.

"He really did care," Jacob muttered.

I wrapped my arms around Jake. "He loved you," I whispered.

"He did," Jacob said, seemingly at a loss for words.

It was silent for a few minutes. Neither of us knew what to say. We just sat there, sort-of holding each other.

That day was the cornerstone for Jake's relationship with his father. He began to really look at the actions of his father, not only from after Sarah died, but to before, when he was a kid. He began to remember the little things that Billy still did, even as he grew up.

It would still be years before Jacob released the grudge against Billy. But, for now, the cornerstone would do nicely.

xXx

Years passed; Jacob and I got married June of 2019. Three years later, nine months after graduating med school and getting accepted into the surgical internship program at Swedish, our twins, Andromeda Marie, and Persues Edward (so called Anna and Percy) were born. Three years later, two years after becoming a resident, we were blessed with our third child, Nicole Alexandria (we took Alex's full name, and reversed it). Our next set of twins, Jacob William Jr., and Nicholas Malachi were born two years after Nicole. Finally, the latest addition to our large family, Arianna Giovanna, was born just as I had become an attending surgeon, two years after the twins.

Jake and I had a crazy life; but it was our life. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

xXx

"_At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away."_

Meredith Grey, _Grey's Anatomy_


	40. Chapter 40 Dedications

**Dedications, Thank-yous, and Disclaimers**

**Thank you all so much for reading this story, for one year. I've had a great time writing this, and seeing how you've enjoyed my work. It's been a great year. **

**I would like to thank the people who have helped me with this, my friend/mean editor person, Clover, my beta, .Forever, my youth leader, my pastor, and Brian, for being willing to take the time to read over my work, and help me get everything that I needed to hit. **

**Some scenes, or 'philiosphical' things Jacob said all came with the help of one of my favorite TV shows, **_**Grey's Anatomy**_**. I do not own **_**Grey's Anatomy, **_**it's characters, or any of it's affilates. **

**I do not own **_**Twilight**_**, it's characters, or it's affiliates. **

**Thank you for all the reviews I've recieved, they mean so much to me, that you have taken the time to let me know your thoughts. It does help me become a better writer when I see how you liked/disliked a certian scene. Thank you all so much. **

**If you've enjoyed Flipped as much as I have, I will ask you to check out my newest story, 'Knocked Up'. It follows Jacob and Nessie as they enjoy a one-night stand that leads to an unexpected pregnancy. **

**Keep your eyes peeled-I may be writing drabbles in the near futre about Jake and Nessie's life post-5 years later. ;) **

**Thank You. **


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